"However much I eat my body seems to be malnourished"
Is my inability to control my cravings for food or lose the 10 pounds I have acquired in the last years part of the difficulty of letting go? I could endure long terms of fasting and strong exercise before, but there is a part in me that does not want to be this "intense," obsessed and disciplined. I feel like balancing this axis (born during a scorpion full moon), and have been taking lots of supplements to balance my "diet" but I have a feeling of being too confused regarding what is right for me. No matter what I eat - whether it is "healthy" or not - it seems that my body is in constant malnourishment.
I would love to just be one with nature, body, emotions and mind. Give me a hint of what you perceive my obsession may be, I know that some time a long time ago - perhaps during my childhood - I labeled fat people as ugly. This relationship causes me a lot of shame but I had made sure to surround myself with beautiful things and people... what else can I say... thank you.
Hi – what is showing up for you is the lesson of being able to "develop and cultivate the ability to enjoy each moment." When we become obsessive with something, we are in the distressing and enervating energy of thinking that something essential and crucial is "NOT RIGHT!!!" - and that is a place of deep insecurity and fear.
That is believing we are not safe, not OK, that Spirit/Divine Intelligence is not running the show, that it does not know what it is doing, that we have no safe ground to stand on, and we can't trust the flow of life. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude, of acceptance, of being in the Present Moment with a deep sense of security and trust is the answer to this fear.
We so often hear about being in the present moment, as that is all there is – this moment – now. However, getting to that place of true safety and trust Within is not always so easy. It is something we must cultivate and practice, as we have lived in the other energy, usually, for a long time.
Getting out in Nature to help you with this will be very useful for you. When you get out in Nature – just take a deep breath, perhaps sit quietly somewhere, and look around – everywhere you will see the process of Life in all of its wonder and beauty. Everywhere things are unfolding naturally, recycling, serving one another, and returning to Source... everything is being nurtured and nourished.
Allow Nature to be your Teacher, breathe in the Light, the Air, the fresh scent of green grass, the strength of tree roots, and get out in it as much as you can. It is an amazing balancer and healer.
Eating, when it has to do with cravings, is a way to try to nurture ourselves, to fill ourselves up with safety and feel secure... but the hunger is really for that inner sense of safety and peace.
As children, when we are so sensitive to energy, we can clearly sense a distortion in someone's energy, as you may have when you viewed people who were fat (or other energy patterns around you) - and without a deeper understanding, it can be extremely frightening. However, when we get into that place of trusting – we turn that fear around by trusting that everyone is learning exactly what they need to learn, and came in to learn. They are experiencing exactly what they need to experience. Even if it feels like a distortion to us, it is what they need to be doing and going through in order to learn something. When we can honor their journey in such a way, instead of labeling it as "WRONG" or "UGLY", we can see the beauty in what their challenges are, and that puts YOU into a state of Love and Compassion. Then you can look out at Life, and trust the moment.
Also, have your thymus checked. You may need to have it balanced and supported more.