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"What is blocking my conceiving a baby?"

Dear Ayal,

I have just begun my journey of discovering my spiritual energy. I am 'hungry' for knowledge and have been reading several books about connecting with my inner spirit and letting it guide me. I feel like I have been living in a fog and it is finally beginning to clear!

My husband and I have been dealing with infertility for the last three years. A year ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had surgery to remove it, but have not become pregnant. I had an abortion 10 years ago and feel that my unresolved feelings about that decision are what is keeping me from conceiving. My 2nd and 5th chakras are blocked which does not surprise me. Do you have any suggestions?


Hi - thanks for writing. There's a lot going on here. Infertility can be a symbol for not accepting life. When you had your abortion (and I am not against abortion, but it does create issues that need to be dealt with on a profound level), was there a feeling of hatred involved? Hating that you were pregnant, for instance? If so, that hatred got absorbed by that soul, and your own being also may have gotten confused and interpreted that hatred as a Hatred toward giving life, or bringing forth life in general. Given this program in your body-mind, it would not be surprising that infertility would be the result.

There is also, yes, some guilt you are carrying about this which is showing up in your second chakra and interfering with your sexuality. Your fifth chakra, my information said, is blocked due to believing other's ideas of how you should be. That is damaging to you, to your sense of self and being able to live in your own truth.

I don't get that you are resistant to clearing this up, or doing your inner work, but that you don't know exactly what to do. Here are some suggestions.

First, it would be good to either sit in meditation or to set up a ritual or ceremony, with candles, in a quiet place, and ask to contact or connect with that soul you were pregnant with. Just open to allowing this, and be peaceful with it. Tell this soul that you do not hate it, that you were confused and scared, and send it profound love and blessings instead. Wish it well, all the best. Fill yourself with these feelings of love and blessings, and send them forth to not only that soul, and yourself, but to all of Life. To the trees full of sap and holding out their arms to the sky in prayer and the delight of growing. To the waters rushing full of light and joy. To the winds that carry caresses. To the animals that live so innocently and beautifully. To the Earth in all her deep nurturing of us all. Got the picture? Fill yourself with the wonder of life. Of golden sunsets, and birds in flight.

It is important also to do a ceremony to clear this up for your ancestors. That showed up as well. Your ancestors were distressed by the abortion also. This is not an intrinsic part of our Western culture, as it is in other cultures, but it is what is showing up, so I offer it to you. It would be good to do a ceremony for them - light some candles, maybe set out some pictures of grandparents or great grandparents, if you have them - something to represent your ancestors, in other words, and offer them your willingness to continue Life. To love Life. You could set out a plate by their pictures and by the candles, and offer them something that represents life to you - something from the garden, something life-giving, green and growing, etc.

It would also be good for you to reaffirm life for yourself - call your spirit back from any loss of yourself that may have happened from the abortion. Ask that you be whole and full of life - commit to tuning into living your own truth and not the beliefs of others.

Many blessings, Ayal

next 47. "How can we resolve feelings of loss and sadness?"

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