"I have a lot of energy blockages that I think you may be able to shed some light on."
Firstly, I just want to say thank you for you willingness to help us to make the world a better place. I have a lot of energy blockages that I think you may be able to shed some light on. I'm a 33 y.o. male, and have been suffering from chronic conditions for the past 10 years or so, and have been actively seeking holistic solutions in recent years, and I'm currently immersed in the material channeled from Ramtha and the works of Limitlessness which I find very liberating, all of which sits comfortably with me. I mainly suffer from RSI (hands/fingers), chronic fatigue, weakened immune system, a constant headache/brain-fog and in the past few weeks I have developed TMJ while working with an energy/cranio-sacral therapist. Perhaps something else coming up to be worked on. There isn't a lot of obvious drama in my life, so I don't have a lot of emotional experiences to work with. I've been told recently that I'm intolerant to many foods, like wheat, acidic fruits, peanuts, etc, although my thinking is that these will go away if the deeper wounds are healed. I include possible toxicity in this too. Correct me if you think I'm wrong there. I also have sugar cravings which tend to be associated with fatigue, but I haven't been able to delve any deeper than that.
One thing that makes it difficult for me is that I have a poor memory of childhood, which makes me wonder if I'm blocking something traumatic from my awareness although I have no specifics, so that is just a thought. This makes many memory based healing techniques rather fruitless for me. I also have difficulty with visualization exercises, and 'going within' to find the answers. I know the answers are 'in there', but I guess I'm either overlooking them or my logical mind doesn't trust the answers and they're dismissed before they even become conscious. I can do basic visualizations, but my subconscious doesn't come forth with any additional insights during these. I don't know how to FEEL from the heart, to sense what my heart is feeling. That is to say, these experiences seem rather blank for lack of a better word. Maybe some inner-child work would help??
I suspect there are issues from the relationship with my parents in the past. Although we get along ok, I feel the feminine side is missing in that relationship, especially on my father's side. My mother had a non-fatal heart attack when I was 16 and I probably didn't know how to grieve properly at the time. It was especially difficult given that my mother had memory loss, and when she 'came to', she did not know who I was. Looking back now, I no longer feel any strong emotions around the event, so I can't say if there is still a specific issue there or not. My upbringing was very much a left-brain one. We were encouraged to learn the practical skills for life, without regard or value placed on how I felt during childhood. There was some moderate bullying at school also.
Self acceptance is one of my life lessons, and I've been working on that a lot lately. I remember a few months ago my therapist asking if I loved myself and the answer was a vague 'I guess', however I can now say with a lot more confidence that I do love myself, and that I'm comfortable that I do create my experiences, and in the case of these chronic conditions, I'd like to stop creating them and create a life and full of vitality and without discomfort.
My dreams have often shown scenes where I'm feeling attacked by predatorial (is that a word?!) creatures, like snakes, tigers, elephants and a raging bull was a recent one. As I write this, I did recall being scared and perhaps traumatized by an aggressive goat we had on our farm when I was very young!! No idea if that is related, and I'm aware that dreams are often not to be interpreted literally, and perhaps just the feeling of fear is an important point here. I plan to work more on my dreams in the near future.
I have plenty of good friends in my life, although I sense I'm sort of drifting from them a little and looking for people who are more spiritually aware, more in line with my spiritual beliefs since this has become such a big part of my life. I'm not sure if I'm going to find that where I currently live though. I also find a strong desire to try and help others, but I know this is not in their or my best interests, and perhaps this is mirroring something in me. Maybe a welcome distraction from addressing my own issues.
Any insights you have on what I can do to understand and learn from these situations would be greatly appreciated.
Hi – well, one of the first things showing up for you is the need for a soul retrieval. This is an ancient shamanic healing technique that can bring back a part of your life force, or soul essence, that separated from you due to trauma of some sort. It is a form of dissociation, but the part(s) that has dissociated can and needs to be brought back so that you have all of your life force energy. There may be and usually is more then one part needing to brought back, and often a few soul retrievals are needed. For you, I get that if you do 2 sessions, minimum, that would be very helpful. To contact a shamanic practitioner who does soul retrievals, go to the Foundation for Shamanic Studies online, and see if you can locate a practitioner near you. Often memories, as well as lost abilities, and much more, can come back after having a soul retrieval session.
You are also needing to repair a break in your aura. I invite you to look up a healer I know who does sessions over the phone (I'll give you her phone number). She can also help you explore and heal these other issues that are showing up.
Well, here's something interesting. I am being told to tell you to "Listen as Life whispers in your ears." I think that this may mean that there is a need for you to open up to Life, and doing so in an auditory way is a good way for you – does this resonate with you? Music will be important for you regarding this.
Your first chakra definitely needs some healing. This chakra deals with physical energy and the will to live, and also your connection to your roots, your tribe, or family of origin. It deals with the life lesson, the foundation lesson, that "All is One." Since you have very little remembrances of your early time with your family, this does suggest to me that there were traumas there that need to be healed. I invite you to sit in meditation and take a look at your connectedness to your family – ask to be shown what is going on with this. Be willing to remember – to open to receive information. Your anxiety has gotten in the way of you remembering. Ask to be guided and protected and supported by your angelic teachers or spirit guides so that you can explore this safely and see what it is you need to see. Often being willing is 90% of what is needed for something to open up. Right now you are only about 20% willing to see this. There's a lot of fear there that you will need to get in touch with so that it can be transformed and released.
There are some issues for you regarding not feeling fulfilled, an inability to be in a state of Oneness with others. If you felt attacked, as your dreams are showing you, that certainly would damage the 1st chakra, your life force energy and the will to live, and the issues and abilities and strengths associated with the 1st chakra. If you don't feel in a state of Oneness, trusting others, then you would feel threatened and have a great deal of anxiety going on. I invite you to read up on the 1st chakra and see how it resonates with you – one good book for this is Caroline Myss's 'Anatomy of the Spirit'.
The chronic fatigue has to do with a deep restlessness that you have. This ties in with that lack of fulfillment and connectedness that you feel. Also, you have some issues going on about having your own, personal power – being able to and knowing that you CAN and have the right to make choices for yourself. There is an issue of feeling defeated going on for you, (being attacked in your dreams by creatures that are frightening or stronger or fiercer then you) - and this had led to not caring for the self. This leads to being in a state of anxiety. (TMJ issue)
What is important for you to know is that it IS safe for you to love and approve of yourself, and it IS safe for you to take care of yourself. When we believe deep down that we aren't worth loving, that no one cared about us enough to take care of us, we internalize that, and then we
- don't take care of ourselves
- we feel powerless, defeated, and
- therefore we feel exhausted, frightened, and our immune system breaks down.
Wanting to take care of others can be a program or belief that you were loved only if you took care of others....and believing that others would not take good care of you. Again, the message then is that you are not important enough to be loved or taken care of for WHO YOU ARE. A child who is not taken care of decides that they are bad, not worth loving, and are terrified of doing anything wrong and then being unloved and abandoned even more. Check into these areas and see what you come up with. Where were others when you needed them growing up? What were the dynamics of this in your family? What comes up for you when you think you have "done something wrong?"
Hope this helps.