"I can't move forward on anything long enough or far enough to succeed"
I consider myself a very spiritual person. I have been a student of truth for sometime now and I have learned a lot which has gotten me through a lot.
However, I feel a weakness in my body and spirit. I have had limited success in my life despite the impression within myself and from others around me who profess how successful I will be, how great and impactful I am (that has been told to me since I was little). I feel and have felt a tremendous amount of cloudiness and confusion in my life especially over the past 10 years. I get moments of clarity and then fear and I have to push through it. I gain clarity and then move toward some success and then I fall back into doubt and fear and confusion and lose momentum and golden opportunities.
I am concerned about what others think of me. I am afraid to make a bad decision for my family and to take risk. I have made decisions in the past for strategic and safe reasons only to turn around and kick myself or question whether it was the right choice, that includes down to the person I married.
I feel pressured to do it right, get it right, make the right decision, be open and available to family, friends, and to save the world but I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and yet I am not sure what that place is. I feel there is something BIG I am suppose to be doing but I feel overwhelmed.
I can't decide whether to go back to school for a Phd, what to get it in, where to work, whether I should move, try and buy a house, start a coaching business, and so on and so on. But it is bigger than that - I want to do so much and have a flurry of ideas and intentions everyday. I get sooo excited but somewhere in there lose it and feel perplexed about what to do? I don't know how to contend with this. I can't sit on it because spirit won't let me but I can't move forward on anything long enough or far enough. Something is going on - like there is an invisible wall that I can't seem to get past. I have degrees in psychology, read thousands of books and I am aware of the laws of the universe and have been working with what I know but I am at a loss at what to do at this point? I remain positive and know that I will get it but I need some help. I appreciate your wisdom and your willingness to share your IN sight.
Hi, well, the first 2 things that are showing up for you is that something needs to be healed from some birth trauma. If we got "stuck" somewhere in our birth process, that pattern of being stuck or not being able to find our way is impressed upon us from the get go. It can also account for the fear of taking risks you spoke of. I invite you to get as much information as you can about your own birth - ask your mother or ask in meditation to remember it - and then look up Dr. Emerson and his birth work on the net, and see if he is offering seminars. If not, then explore other avenues to get in touch with this and heal it.
Something is also showing up for you on the etheric plane. This is a bit trickier to get to, and I suggest that you contact someone who does healing on this level. If you are interested, I can give you the name and number of someone I know who has worked a lot with me and can check out this kind of thing. The other option is to find someone who offers biofeedback sessions in your area with the SCIO biofeedback machine. Mention these two areas of birth trauma, feeling stuck, etc., and checking out the etheric plane to the SCIO practitioner, if you decide to go this route.
The ability to "Trust Your Source" is also showing up. You need to sit in meditation and just ask for guidance and direction. Don't try to "make" things happen. Learn to trust your life as it is in the moment, seeing all the beauty that is already there. It's not our job to save the world. The world is in the hands of a bigger force then us. It is only your job to do that which brings YOU joy and fulfillment. When you do that, you add joy to the world, and THAT is what is needed - more joyful, healthy, self fulfilled beings.
It's like we're a cell in the body of God, and your job is just to be the healthiest, most joyful cell you can be. Then, whatever purpose your cell is here to do simply unfolds. It is too big a job for any of us to save the world. That is so huge it paralyzes us and becomes a burden that utterly stops us and weighs us down - and since it's a set up for failure to even think we're supposed to do that, because there's no way that we CAN do that, we spiral down into self doubt and self recrimination. Not a good cycle.
Where did you get the message that it's your job to "save the world"? You need to let go of that one. It implies that the world needs saving and that there isn't any Divine Source on the scene. Your job is to make YOUR life the best it can be - meaning that you fulfill yourself and choose to be and do those things which bring you joy. If you go about seeing that things need saving, or that things are WRONG - how then can you ever feel at peace... because you have already decided that nothing is ok. If you have the belief that nothing is ok, how then, can YOU feel ok from within about yourself and your choices? That energy of not ok-ness will permeate everything and create the disturbances that you feel.
If we need to "save the world," that is an ego need - a need to be seen and recognized and finally acclaimed as having done something that makes us worthwhile and counted for something and "notable" in the scheme of things. To think this way depletes you because it again says that you are not ok - that you are not ALREADY these things - and if you ARE a child of God and made of Divine essence, you already are these things. To think that you're not goes against the energy of what is true, and when we have beliefs that go against the energy of what is true, yes, it does weaken us. Success is being present in the moment, open, trusting, connected to Source, with joy, for whatever shows up - to connect to that moment and all that is in that moment, from a place of inner Love. THAT is success, and it's a moment by moment challenge we are offered. Much tougher then saving the world. And much more beautiful. And also, real.
Notice when you go into this tense, worried, tight, not ok place, then instead of choosing to worry, take a nice, delicious breath, relax your body, relax any tension you feel (especially check in your face muscles and jaw) and then listen to and hear your inner guidance. Also very important for you: stay in a place of gratitude for what you DO have, what you already offer to others, for all the blessings in your life and the beauty around you. Stop and just look around and see that beauty. Look into someone's eyes and see the twinkle of God (good) there.
When you move into a state of gratitude, you move also into a state of Grace, and tension and doubt, fear and worry simply drop away. Then you become more open to hearing that inner voice and you connect to Source energy. And then - guess what... whatever is to unfold next simply unfolds, as a river simply moves along. You don't have to push the river to get it to move along - just as you don't need to push your own life. But you do need to get into the flow of harmony of divine energy by trusting, by gratitude - and then you are open and available and present in a state of peace and joy for whatever shows up in the next moment for you.