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"I am surrounded by people who are not concerned with spiritual wellbeing"

Hello Ayal,

I have been feeling alone though I am not lonely. I have been struggling to keep my marriage together but I feel if I remain it will be unhealthy. I am confused about having a marriage partner or not. I thought that we would be able to help each other grow and find peace and blissful love. But to the contrary my husband can barely hold a conversation with me and I feel like I am starving inside. This is my second marriage and I waited nine years to get married again dreaming for the right one to come along. I like to be around those who are spiritually awake but it is hard to find those who are not in an organized religion and have restrictions. What I mean is I was with a born again church and when I started talking about seeing a purple moving light when I am still, they are afraid for me because they fear I am tapping into a negative spirit world etc. I have read (glanced for now) the "laws" you stated and they certainly stirred me inside. Especially when you stated: "What is in me creates that in my reality."

I keep asking myself now why is it that I have people surrounding me who are not concerned about their spiritual wellbeing and why am I married to an Egyptian Muslim who does not give me the time of day. (Though when I first met him he was going to my church at the time.) And I keep saying to myself that he is not the person I thought he was. I feel like I was blinded. But I ask often out loud and within please show me the truth. I need truth... and my husband lies and lies. It is like opposites of what I want is happening to me. I am living in the opposites of what I want my reality to be. Please shed some light on what is and what isn't. I feel like I am so close to grasping the truths as you have stated but I forget them as fast as I read them once I step into the days of my life. How do I bring those who are choosing to help themselves and bring love and light into their lives and that of others to be around me?


Thank you for your heartfelt letter. The main issue that you are dealing with is a feeling of incompetence. You think that you are not good enough, and that is why things in your life look the way they do. Given that you feel incompetent, how surprised are you that you are married to a man who treats you as if you are invisible? You FEEL invisible - so, that is the reflection that comes back to you from the world outside. It just reflects what is going on for you on the inside. Due to this issue, which has many other branches to it, such as guilt, things are out of balance for you.

Because you feel incompetent, you have a strong need for attention - but you never get it. I.E. the feeling of starving inside. The church people stay away from you, thinking you are doing it wrong, which = incompetence in your mind. Your husband ignores you = feelings of incompetence, You can't remember or retain the laws of the universe, as you mentioned, which says "I must be incompetent" etc. etc. Because you don't think you deserve attention, due to your "incompetence" ( which is not True, by the way - it's simply a belief about yourself you made somewhere) you never get the attention you so need and want, and it goes round and round.

This issue of incompetence is very deep, and I think you brought it in with you from a past life. Probably in some life you had an experience that was difficult or painful, and you judged yourself for it, deciding you were a failure, it was your fault, you are incompetent, and so forth. That decision was only one option out of hundreds of others as a way to look at what happened. And not the one that creates good things for you.

Due to all of this, your energy is pretty much feeling burnt out and exhausted. It takes a lot of energy to keep on condemning yourself, whether consciously or unconsciously. There are three things that I can suggest that would be helpful for you. One is an aurasoma product - the deep red essence which carries the Christ ray and grounds you, protects you, and re-energizes you. It also loosens up stuff that is really locked in and stuck. You can order this by e-mail at The second thing is to do a past life regression with a trained specialist in this area, to work with the past life (there may be more than one connected to this issue) where you made the decision to believe that you are incompetent. The third is to do holotropic breathwork on a continual basis for a while to really get down to it and work it out. You can look up holotropic breathwork and past life regression therapy on the Internet for a practitioner near you.

When you take care of yourself, your wellbeing, spiritually and otherwise, when you believe that you deserve it, you will attract others who will also be focusing on their spiritual well being. How surprised would you be that your life will show up very differently as you create your reality from a place other than that of feeling incompetent? A lot to look forward to, yes?

Blessings, Ayal

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