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Clearing the Way

"I am so jealous when I see my partner talking to or spending time with other women"

I am so glad I found you, I have read a lot of your other questions and answers and they have made me feel more positive, as I often feel as though I'm the only one that feels this strange way that I'm abnormal. I worry so much about what people think of me. My main issue is with insecurity; I constantly worry and over-think about my partner, I drive myself crazy. I know I should trust him but I am just so jealous when I see him talking to or spending time with other women. I can't sleep sometimes because I'm worrying so much. I think it is punishment because I once kissed someone behind his back when I went away for a weekend. It meant nothing and I am totally committed to my partner, I have grown up a lot since then.

I wish I could break free from this pain that I'm trapped within. When I am happy and relaxed I get on so well with people, people think I'm really bubbly and confident but that is the thing, it is one extreme to another with me, never in between. If I am having a bad day, i.e. I feel very self-conscious, I am very depressed and every situation is a stressful struggle for me. These mood swings are driving my partner away from me. I wish I could keep control... I have read lots of books about how to not over think, as well as how to stay in the moment - however, when this badness takes over, it is just too strong for me to control and overcome. We end up arguing and then I cry, I just wish I could be more stable. I can't go out with my friends anymore and drink alcohol because I totally lose the plot, it takes over and I always end up having huge arguments with my partner. And anyway I'm scared to see my friends because I'm too worried about what my partner will be doing while I'm not with him. It is a nightmare; he is so lovely and kind to me and has put up with everything I have thrown at him. He doesn't deserve it. I really need to change, please help me.

Let's get started. I am getting that these issues for you are connected to the father. You are needing to explore where this insecurity came from in relation to your father. Say to yourself:

"I am willing and open to receiving the core lesson of this relationship."
As you deeply explore this, over time, and there will probably be many layers to it, I want you to read the article on 'Cutting the Cords That Bind You' listed at the end of the home page. Then I want you to, at least twice, more if it seems necessary, cut whatever cords are binding you to your father. As you know, your issues are all about self acceptance, accepting and loving yourself, and seeing the value and beauty of yourself - YOU seeing and accepting your self worth. Check into issues where love and hate are mixed together for you.

You are looking for understanding and direction about how best to work with and through your contract with him in this life. You want to do so in a way that you feel empowered, that serves your growth, and that has you see that you created this in order to learn an important soul lesson - to realize and see that nothing that has happened to you has a negative intent.

What is missing for you is self love and finding that safety and strength from within yourself - and as you can open to that, and allow yourself to have that love and acceptance for yourself, within yourself, this fear will dissipate. Right now you are trying to feel and get that safety of being loved and valued from outside of yourself, from someone else. It can't ever happen that way. It has to grow within you, and you must nurture it, as you would a seedling, so that it can grow strong and healthy. Be willing to let go of the old manner in which you have seen yourself. You can intend this by saying, 2 times a day, for the next 2 months:

"I am willing to let go of the manner in which I have seen myself, and I now fill myself up with the beautiful, golden light of Love."
Then open to feeling this - allow it to come into your body - feel it, breathe it in, relax in it. Do this often throughout your day.

As you explore these issues with the father, here is a good prayer to say to help with your healing process:

"Dear guardian angels of my father and myself: my heart is heavy with hurt, anger, and guilt. I want to make sure that I do right by him and by me, and I ask your help and guidance. Please talk with him and help him to understand me, and help me to understand myself and my issues better. Please help us get past our pride, fears, wounds, past history, and egos, and to express our true, appropriate love to one another. I ask your help in binging peace to this situation. Thank you. Amen."
Also, you might find this useful: to heal anger, visualize yourself holding a vase or jar of blue light. Mentally scan yourself, your body and energy field, for redness. Whenever you see or feel redness, pour the watery energy over it, let if flow out of you and see it melting away in the sun.

It would also be very very good for you to participate in a weekend workshop with other women, where other women are also working to transform themselves and their lives. This will give you a bonding and more of a sense of trust regarding other women, to see that you can interact consciously with others to form friendships and relationships with people who support your development. It will also, as well give you a venue to explore your own issues and help to heal them.

When you find yourself going into negativity, fear, and anxiety, here is something you can do. Although we know the importance of feeling good, most of the time in daily life we forget about it, or else we don't know how to get out of the negative spiral we find ourselves caught in. The most important matter is to feel good and live a stress free life. One solution is to do a "Flip Switch" throughout the day.

The Flip Switch
To do the Flip Switch, you hold in mind a positive image, a moment from the past that you felt really good, or just an imagined event that makes you feel good. Hold it for a few seconds. At the moment you do your Flip Switch, it will cancel out all the previous negative emotions. The key is to do it often. Don't wait until your negative emotions get big and dominate your thoughts. Kill the monster when it is little.

Do this exercise throughout the day and you will see the changes in your life simultaneously. I can't stress enough how powerful this exercise is; try it out yourself. Some people find it is hard to hold an image - the answer is just to pretend that you see. The importance is not how clearly you see, but how strongly you feel. The idea of Flip Switch comes from Dr Robert Anthony.

Being able to form these relationships that support you is crucial for you - and also it is important for you to see where this feeling of not having that or being able to trust that came from. These are generally 2nd chakra issues. I invite you to get the book 'Anatomy of the Spirit', by Carolyn Myss, and read about the 2nd chakra, especially. See what resonates or comes up for you. I don't know where you live, but I will be offering some of these councils hopefully in April and perhaps October. But if you can locate one near you that is high level, that would be great for you.

On a physical level, since our thoughts and emotions create our physical bodies, to help with this healing and give you more support, I invite you to check out the following for yourself, whether through a naturopathic doctor, or through medical assessments- whatever you feel comfortable with:

Lymph cleanse
Adrenal strengthening - for fear and insecurity
Allergies - can cause irritation, irritability, and many more imbalances

Blessings, Ayal

451. "I have brought to awareness a traumatic event from my infancy which had a profound impact"


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