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"My molested grandson - how to bring him back?"

My Grandson was so molested - at age 19 months - that now he cannot relate as most 3 year olds. I want to reach his heart & mind. He seems lost somewhere and not in the present, most of the time.

Hello. Thank you for writing and for having the courage to share something that must be so extremely painful. Your grandson IS feeling lost, due to the violence he experienced. None of us can understand violence - it is a form of insanity, and to experience it that young - there is no way he can begin to deal with it. I'm sure that his soul is only about 20% present, as he had to go and has gone into hiding, or dissociation, to survive. And what is present remembers something so terribly awful that he thinks that is what life is. What your grandson has experienced goes totally against the order of Nature, where we can trust that the sun comes up in the morning, where season follows season, where children are loved and cared for and protected. So, he has nothing to hold onto, nothing to trust, and he will act accordingly.

What your grandson needs, above all, is a loving environment, one that is receptive to who he is at present. He needs an environment and a person who can help him begin to see, through their loving energy and example, that life is different - that it is safe. To see what loving relationships are like. To reframe, in other words, the decisions he has made about life, and to see that life and people and relating can come from love. Whoever he is with needs to be as clear in themselves as they can be so that they can help him regain the energy of love and safety and harmony. I am hoping that he is in such an environment.

This can be a huge challenge, as a child who has been molested will, as you say, act out differently, as he is filled with anger and pain and extreme distress and extreme disconnection. All of this takes a huge amount of clarity and understanding to deal with. Time is the great healer here, hopefully, coupled with unconditional love and knowledge of what is needed. What you can do to help is learn as much as you can about how this child needs to be related to - to learn about the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual consequences of molestation, if you haven't already - to gain knowledge of what you are dealing with, and therefore be able to work with it appropriately, to be an advocate for him, to know what he needs and what he is going through. There are centers that deal exclusively with children who have been molested, if you find that is needed at some point.

I can also give you, upon request, the number of a wonderful healer whom I have worked with extensively myself and whom I can recommend without question. She can reach this child on all levels to help begin to heal and repair the damage. For a child who was molested this young, intensive care and therapy will be needed.

Blessings, Ayal

43. "I want to start feeling that I'm moving in the right direction"

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