Trans4mind Home Page
Clearing the Way

"I feel deeply sad about my solitude"

Hi Ayal, just came across your site. It has a lovely feeling about it, and I hope that maybe your reply might provide me with some much needed insight.

Well my issue is to do with relationships. I've had a few serious relationships but they've all felt lacking in stability, never solid. My pattern seems to be this. When I'm out of a relationship I want to be in one, and I think about it a lot (less over the last year); once I meet someone they are typically quite taken with me, generally have a reasonably well developed feminine side, and are decent human beings. Whether it starts sooner or later, though, as I enter the relationship I begin to wonder if I even want it, and then the anxiety starts: "should I stay or should I go? This person doesn't feel right for me, but maybe they are and I'm just afraid, but still they just don't seem to 'fit'"... and so the train of thought continues incessantly. "What if this person's right and I leave - should I stay and work at it?"

I begin to cycle through times of being ok and then not wanting to be there with that person. I see all sorts of reasons why I should go, and even now I think many of these are legitimate; one was a binge drinker, one was critical, one was a little emotionally immature, etc. I guess I genuinely feel that none of these guys were right for me and that leaving was justified. I don't regret leaving, or not pursuing the relationships further. I know I'm in a pattern but I don't know what it means. I can't seem to stay, can't leave either and the tug of war just about kills me, in fact my health has even suffered with this. I've had this issue through all my relationships but the anxiety has become acute over the last three years, every time I enter a new potential long-term relationship.

On the one hand I genuinely feel they aren't right for me and there are usually a few reasons behind that. It feels like my intuition is saying this person isn't right and my anxiety is getting me to stay hooked by telling me that maybe I'm messed up and should stay and not make a big mistake by leaving. Why am I even engaging with these people, though, if they are so 'wrong'?

On the other hand I feel so much anxiety about staying, or going, that it does point to an issue there. Sometimes I even wonder if I want a relationship at all. I am a liberal feminist, and I love my solitude, I'm not desperate for children and maybe I'm just pushing myself into something I don't want - but when I see fulfilling, healthy relationships I realize it would be really wonderful. I feel deeply sad about this issue and I have tried over and over to resolve it but I can't do any more. I'm trying to accept that maybe I'm deeply damaged somehow and that that's ok, instead of trying to strive to get it 'right' and to fix it, because I don't know what else to do. Anyway this sounds so negative but I don't hold a lot of hope anymore. Any insight you may have would be very greatly appreciated.

Thank-you in advance for any clarity you can give.

Hi. Thanks for writing in. Glad you found the site and that it felt good to you.

Ok. Let's get started. Well, the first thing that is showing up is that you feel smothered when in a relationship. There is a fear of feeling stifled and "unable to breathe for yourself." This relates to an issue of suppressed crying. The affirmation is:

"It is safe for me to take charge of my own life. I choose to be free."
So basically this is an issue of defense going on. I think that this may be carried over from another life. What I am being told is that it had to do with an enemy of some sort. It would be good to sit in meditation and ask about this, and allow whatever information comes to come. I think perhaps you may have been imprisoned in some way. See what comes up for you. When you have gotten impressions or received information, ask that this issue be resolved for you, and you may need, after confronting the issue, to do some forgiveness work. (Also, there may be some weeping release work, just letting it come out, that you need to do.)

A good prayer for this is:

"If there is anyone or anything that has hurt me in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it. If I have hurt anyone or anything in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it. If I have hurt myself knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive and release it. I ask this in the Highest good of others and myself."
There is a great (and easy!) clearing technique you can do when this anxious or confused or fearful energy comes up. All you do is raise your hands above your head, palms facing toward the body, held about 6 inches away from the body, and slowly bring them down the entire front of the body until you reach the tops of the thighs. Then say: "CLEAR!!" in a firm voice out loud. I'd suggest that you do this 6 times a day from now on.

See how this does, and if you feel that you need more after this, write me again. But this is enough to do for now.

Blessings, Ayal

436. "I need help to clear my mind, know that I'm on the right path"


Click here to donate & send a question to Ayal:
Clearing the Way   |   Laws of the Universe   |   Recommended Links

Looking for personal healing?

Trans4mind Training is our series of online, interactive video workshops. We present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, combined with support from expert life coaches.
The human heart made visible.

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook

Welcome to the New Wave in Meditation Technology

Click here to learn more about the iAwake Profound Meditation Program
The iAwake Profound Meditation Program is a way of enhancing your meditation practice, making meditation not only easier and more enjoyable, but also more efficient and effective.
Profound Meditation provides the smoothest, deepest, richest, most profound meditation experience available anywhere...
Here is a link to a free 20-minute track from iAwake Technologies - a sample of the type of tools that will deepen your meditation immediately and help you quickly become a successful meditator. It's the opening track of iAwake's flagship product, the Profound Meditation Program, called the iAwake Experience...
Learn More and Download the iAwake Experience
I think you'll find this technology a tremendous aid on your transformative journey of becoming your best and most creative self - and you can get started today!