"I am struggling to trust my intuition and to connect once again with my higher self"
Dear Ayal, blessings to you for your heartfelt guidance.
About 2 months ago, I had an emotionally traumatic event, which woke me up and set in course what I call an awakening. I experienced a knowing which answered all of the questions that my heart had longed to know all of my life. (Note, I was not given answers to questions that were not burning desires in my heart, so there are still many questions that I am seeking answers to). Most of my life had been spent in severe insecurity and in depression with suicide tendencies and a general disinterest in living. I experienced a new zest for life and the person I was changed into the person I was meant to be. I believe the veil began to open and I was shown the reality of the temperance of the world we create for ourselves in this incarnation. I began to see things, such as wispy clouds of smoke, sometimes sparks of color and I can clearly see my energy field and the energy fields of everything that is matter, including my house, plants, etc. On one occasion, I had an experience wherein while lying in bed, I watched as many, many clear forms came toward me and I felt they were healing me. I'm not sure however because ever since that happened, I feel I losing my connection more and more each day. I still see the energies everywhere and I'm not sure if I'm also seeing spirits as well or not. I've tried to communicate with them, but I either cannot receive their message, or I am foolishly speaking to thoughts and words that have taken form in the physical in the shape and form of wispy clouds of smoke. Can you intuit what is happening and whether I am being over imaginative or what exactly this means?
Also, is there any way you can intuit the exact time of my birth? I've tried to do my natal chart to get more insight into my life, but the exact time of my birth is in question as my parents tell me the time on my birth certificate is incorrect. One of the reasons I d like to clarify this is to help me decide if I should focus my energies on going to school for nursing or if I am supposed to become a writer or if I should go into metaphysical studies and focus on energy healing, palm reading and etc. Maybe it's none of the above. I just feel a very strong desire to do something that helps people in some way. Maybe you can provide me some insight into this.
I have also been trying to make a connection with my spirit helpers and my higher self. I've tried dousing, meditation, visualization, etc and the answers I get when using dousing or coin flipping are contradictory, so I'm not sure I can trust those methods yet. I talk to them all the time however and I know that they hear me. I don't know if I am blocking the communication in some way or if they just don't feel that I am ready to progress to this level yet.
Do you have any insight into my marriage and family life? I know that much of the problems and situations I find myself in today stem from a life spent submitting to the will of everyone else and not finding my inner strength and voice. I know this is one of my strongest lessons to be learned to find my true self, be who I REALLY am, stop being a people pleaser and stand up for what I believe in and want to do with my life. I feel I have made great progress and am dedicated to continuing to take back control of my destiny. However, is my current marriage a result of my veering off the path I was intended to travel? I've always known that my husband and I have many lessons to teach other, but at the same time I can't help but feel deep inside that once this is accomplished, I will be free from this situation. My husband is not receptive to any of the laws of the universe or any of the beliefs I now hold. I find it difficult sometimes to know how to handle the opposi! tion and the negativity that abounds in my home. My oldest son from my first marriage came to live with us almost a year ago because his life had hit a brick wall and had no place else to go. This has caused significant strain on us according to my husband. I believe my son is here to teach us a lesson, to love unconditionally and accept all who are different and realize that everyone has a path that is unique and individual and there is no right way or wrong way to be. My son is 20 and is so carefree that he has trouble being responsible with money and obligations. My husband wants to kick him out, and I do not know if it is my duty to leave them both to their struggle, or to intervene.
Ayal, what can you intuit about all of this? Is there anything else that comes through for you? I wish that I did not have to ask others to help me with these insights, but I am struggling to trust my intuition and to connect once again with my higher self. There is always a song playing in my mind along with many random thoughts and I have acted on thoughts that I felt might be guidance only to find out that my lower self, not my higher self created them.
I appreciate anything you can tell me. Blessings from the Creator!!
Hi - well, first of all, it sounds as if you had a powerful, epiphany experience. When an experience like that comes, it can be a wake up call, or an awakening. Right now, there is a lot of awakening going on on the planet. I believe that we are moving into a new level of consciousness, so many are having these experiences of waking up and being able to experience these new levels of consciousness.
Once the veil parts, so to speak, and shows us what is possible, and where to go, then often the challenge is to find our way back to that level. That usually involves doing the inner work to clear whatever is in the way in our own personal psyches. So, I wouldn't worry that the power of your experience seems to be lessening. You have been shown something very wonderful - now the work is to continue to clear yourself and transform and grow into it. What is needed is an integration of all parts of yourself. Just keep asking in meditation to see what needs to be integrated next, and also how to do it. Ask for guidance to help you integrate whatever is needed and next for you on your journey. Be patient and receptive - allow the process to unfold. Guide it with your intention, and also ALLOW it to proceed, trusting in the timing. Trust. When you allow and trust, you do not impede the process by constricting yourself or the flow of energy.
As for your time of birth, that isn't something I can do.
Regarding your son and your husband - all you can do is speak YOUR truth to them - sharing what is going on for you, your feelings, fears, concerns, needs. There are things that could be of help to your son, such as meditation and also some essential oils... but it has to be his choice, and his journey. Perhaps you can ask him how you can be of help to him at this point in his journey. What are his goals, needs, and desires? Is there anything he needs from you that could be of benefit for him? All you can do is ask and let him know that you are there for him if he wants that. Also, going to a counselor or mediator for the tension in the home could prove to be very beneficial. If it feels right, let your family know that you'd like to resolve this tension, that it is difficult and uncomfortable for you, that you love them both and feel caught in the middle, and you'd like for all of you to see if you could come to a workable solution by getting some mediation help. If they are unwilling to do so, you may find it helpful to go and get some clarity and support yourself.
The most important thing you can do is honor yourself. When you honor and take care of yourself, life flows in harmony. You may find that by getting this clarity for yourself, you will know how best to deal with both your husband and your son, and the situation. Check into the book by Marshall Rosenburg, 'Nonviolent Communication'. Read it thoroughly, maybe even a couple of times, until you really integrate what it has to share, and this will give you crucial and very effective ways to communicate with your family. Perhaps you can also ask your husband to read it, letting him know that the way things are being handled isn't working as well as it could, and that this can help you all find new ways to work it out.
As you become clearer about your own needs and you live from the place of honoring yourself much more, then you will know what to do regarding your husband. There is no wrong path - if you have fears that he is "taking you away from your path", that is an indication to me that the real issue is that YOU are taking yourself away from your path by not honoring yourself... no one else can take you away from it - only you. So, regarding your wondering about your husband - that may be a projection you are putting off on him. It is up to YOU to do what you need to do to honor yourself and live your life in such a way that you are being true to yourself. How do you not do that in your life - see the pattern of that going all the way back in your life, throughout all of your life, and feel what the energy of that feels like. Check out if there is an old, old issue of not loving or valuing yourself or feeling competent. Any deeply hidden childhood beliefs or wounds around not thinking that you have what it takes to function competently - that you aren't any good or good enough? Was that put out in your space? If so, then you came in to heal that, and your family was and is simply a mirror, albeit perhaps a very painful one for you, of that. Check out issues with the mother. Where did that originate? Then, take the steps necessary to heal and transform it. It's never about another person, place, or thing. It's about your own wounds, stuck energy patterns, blockages, and misconceptions that you came in to transform.
This is all about you learning to trust yourself - to get in touch with what are your own, real feelings, and then to live from that place of inner authority. When you can do that, then you can also listen to the real feelings of others.
Best wishes, Ayal