"I want to start feeling that I'm moving in the right direction"
I am a 37 year old woman. I have been working with SHEN (an energy therapy - not sure if you have heard of it) and a therapy called core belief replacement therapy. I have used alcohol for fun, diversion, and reward since I was 18.
I am a CPA but I find it boring. I feel guilty about my job because I really don't do anything - I mostly study, surf the net, e-mail (such as this one) - but get no sense of satisfaction. I have just started law school and I am in my 2nd semester.
I have also been using food in the same way that I have used alcohol and of course have gained weight and hence I hate my body and feel disgusted with myself. And I am very vain and judge myself by how I look and I'm not happy with how I look. I know that that is not the true measure of one's self but it's ingrained in me - to be a successful female you must be thin and beautiful. Hence, my relationship with food and my body is one rife with complications, double meanings, complex emotions, guilt, etc. I don't think this is too unusual in women these days. So the problem is this:
School has reduced the alcohol consumption and I truly have made progress in my relationship with alcohol. But I am left with a sense of boredom and dissatisfaction. I just don't feel that I am in the right place and that I am doing the right thing. My energy therapist says that a lot of this is from changing my lifestyle and by not being numb all the time from alcohol. She has done a reading for me and has said that law school is a good thing for me, that I will graduate, and that I am getting on track and that I will lose weight. She said that I need to release my hold on the weight issues - easier said than done. Basically I want to FEEL like I am doing what I should be doing and I want to lose weight. I can't help but feel that I will FEEL better when I have lost weight! I feel trapped in this body. My energy therapist also said that when I was a spiritual being that I felt "put upon" when deciding to enter into a physical body - much less THIS one. I think that a lot of the boredom, restlessness, eating problems are due to a lack of trust in the universe and its plan for me and my ability to do what I need to do.
I just feel lacking. I want to feel that I am accomplishing something and moving in the right direction.
I am also using Holosync tapes that encourages whole brain thinking and supposedly releases negative emotions and blockages. Oh, and another thing, my energy therapist during another reading said that "this" (weight, alcohol, self-love issues) is a process for me - a.k.a. SLOW. I've been working for 2 years really hard and I don't FEEL any better! Actually much longer than 2 years, I just discovered the energy work 2 years ago.
Oh, just one MORE thing the therapist said - she said that I was part of a soul ring? What is THAT?
Thank you so much for any words of advice - I really love your web site!
Thank you for your letter. In asking about what is going on for you, the overall issue was self hatred. What is causing the self hatred is sadness. What is behind the sadness is the issue of giving and receiving...which is the second chakra. As I asked further, the information said that something happened to you at around age sixteen. This is when your eating patterns first became affected. All of the above has to do with your inner feminine. Using all of this as a clue, what comes to mind for you?
There was some soul loss at age sixteen. Do you recall anything that occurred at that time? What occurred from this soul loss is that you are missing your inner direction. And I surmise that you have been trying to fill up that empty space ever since with food and alcohol. It isn't surprising that you would not feel you are in the right place if your ability to be guided by your inner direction is missing. I would strongly invite you to call your spirit back. You can do this by creating a safe and quiet time and space for yourself where you can do some inner work. Lie down, breathe deeply, become fully relaxed, and ask that your guides and/or guardians, archangels, etc., be with you for guidance, aid, and protection. Then ask that your spirit be returned to you. Call it back to you, with all the power and love you can summon. Open to it. You can focus on that sixteen year old period. When you sense that it has returned fully, give thanks. It would be a good idea to speak to the part that has returned, asking what it needs, and how you are to utilize it. Allow it to become a part of you again.
As this inner direction is yours and yours alone, going to another to facilitate this for you may not be the best thing to do - we go to others precisely because we ARE missing our own inner direction. So, my advice would be to do this on your own, as that in itself will be self empowering. However, that choice is up to you.
I think it's important that you tune into what is true for you, and as you regain your sense of inner direction, you will find that you do this much more easily and naturally. A red flag comes up for me when I hear people say, "My therapist said this or that" quite a lot. That says to me that somewhere a person is giving over too much to another. As to whether or not it is a slow process - well, that's up to you. If you don't like the sound of that, it's your life and your creation - it can go as fast or as slow as you choose for it to. I do believe that there are layers to things - and our learning and growing is a lifelong experience, as we always will continue to grow - but it's not up to someone else to give you your timing. I think that your therapist was endeavoring to give you patience with yourself, which is a form of self love, and that is important. However, your frustration came from missing a crucial part of yourself. You may find that changes once you have it back.
A soul ring, as far as I understand it, is a group of souls who come in with a lot of similar qualities and interests in order to achieve a certain purpose together energetically.
God bless! Ayal