"I inevitably get pulled away by someone else and their concerns, not my own"
Hi Ayal. I have read so many of your answers to others and thank you for sharing them with all. So... I have set myself up to be this independent person, only I'm not making it, not as I feel I could have. I am meant to make it though. My spirit would not have gone to all this trouble for nothing. It's like there is something in the way--ME, RIGHT? There is no eloquent way to say I feel I'm on the short end of a Phi ratio and if I could just get to the other side I would be less of a jack of all trades and finally master a few. I can be on my way bringing to fruition a great idea or educated in a certain area--and low and behold--I allow myself to focus on something else, usually dealing with someone else and their concerns (I look back and see so many, many times when I was on my way to real self accomplishment only to focus on someone else--not someTHING else, always someONE. And time and time again, I set this up and it does not bring about the old fulfillment that I'm searching for. Oh yes, I've tried many ways, books, counseling, so much. I'm stumped and I just can't accept that this is it. I can see myself in the personal questions you have answered already, and I kind of feel guilty asking this one when it is represented in others' questions. Unfortunately, when I ask myself what the problem is, my answer to myself is that maybe, just maybe I was not meant to make it and I'm only good at helping others make it. Ayal, somehow, that is just not acceptable yet I feel powerless to change it. Your insight is humbly appreciated.
Well, the first thing that showed up for you was that you are still very much connected to the Planetary conscious mind, which means that you are too connected into mass consciousness thinking. Mass consciousness thinking is usually on a much less evolved level of evolution, caught up still in fear and victim consciousness. Because of this, you tend to take on or get embroiled in the negativity of others, and about 30% of your energy is caught up in a kind of hysteria, 50% in anxiety, and about 60% in panic That doesn't leave a lot of energy for other things. And it also causes you to lose your clarity, or cool. There is a great need for you to operate from a more centered, clear place.
Secondly, what showed up was a highly charged family situation, which also lends itself to feelings of anxiety and trauma. About 60% of what you are dealing with in your energy field right now has to do with ancestral or family issues. There is a need for you to release this ancestral burden- the main issue that has been in the family for a while seems to be the ability to stand up for self. This is a 1st chakra, or root, issue. It is the ability to be grounded, like a great tree, and not swayed by what is going on around you: the ability to remain in your true center, or Higher self. To help with this, there is a need for you to operate from an active ability to confront situations and people by speaking your truth. Read about coming from the "I" place in the article on Non-Violent Communication found listed at the end of the home page. So, to help release this family issue, first of all I suggest that you cut the cords to this family issue and to being connected to mass consciousness. To do this, read the article on 'Cutting the Cords That Bind You' which is also listed at the end of the home page and follow the instructions found there. You can cut cords to anything that you are connected to, whether it's an idea, an issue, a belief, a situation, mass consciousness, a group, or a person.
It is also helpful to say this: "Mother-Father-God and Holy Spirit: Assist me by disconnecting any energy connections from others to me, and from me to others. Thank you."
To help you remain in your own energy, it is also an extremely good practice to clear your energy field often. To do this, imagine a glowing white light above your head. Then, bring that light all the way through your body, down through your feet, and then send it 3 feet into the earth. I would do this at least twice a day from now on.
The belief you mentioned that maybe you are not "meant to succeed" is a false belief. That's BS, frankly, but it is also a belief that can be quite deeply ingrained and passed down in a family. Here is a quote from Nelson Mandela that is good to think about often and digest well:
I think that because you have a false belief that you yourself can't succeed, you are afraid to really finish anything or follow through with it, and instead you try to help others succeed since you don't think YOU can. It is time to be truly responsible to yourself. Others need to also take care of themselves. That does not mean that we are not loving or supportive or encouraging or validating to others. But if you understand that you can succeed and you stand up for yourself, then you also must see that others can do that for themselves as well. What does being responsible to oneself really mean?
RESPONSIBILITY IS THE ABILITY TO fulfill ONE'S NEEDS AND TO DO SO IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT HARM ONESELF OR DEPRIVE OTHERS OF THE ABILITY TO fulfill THEIR NEEDS.
RESPONSIBILITY IS THE ABILITY TO BE WHO YOU ARE IN YOUR FULLNESS.
You have a tendency to present a false image, or persona to the world and to yourself. That is because you don't believe that you are good enough being who you are. It is important that you let this go and decide to believe that you ARE good enough. When you are authentically yourself, you are in harmony, in your true power, and YOUR energy of harmony and truth then creates your life and situations working out well and harmoniously. How can anything work out if you are trying to create it from an illusion to begin with? It can't have any substance to it then, right?
You are struggling under some spiritual confusion because you are weighed down by an over worldly view, with this false persona, rather then a spiritual or more authentic understanding of things. Having too much of an over worldly view dulls one to what is really going on and does not allow one to live consciously. Most of mass consciousness gets caught up with an over worldly, or materialistic, or image is all important (illusions) view of things. Because of this, you tend to over strive and over form your life, trying to make it conform to what you "think" it ought to look like or be - but what you are trying to make it look like or be isn't real to begin with. It's a false understanding or illusion of what life is supposed to be. What gets complicated however, is that since you also believe that you can't succeed, you then project that "over striving" onto others, and try to help them instead, trying to form THEIR lives for them. Because you try to help others also from an anxiety, a false belief that if you help others then you'll be loved and worthwhile, your motives to help are actually not clear, or mixed up. Time to let that go. You are ALREADY worthwhile and loved, and you don't need to DO anything or take responsibility for others to prove it or get that love. Got that?
You can use the formula found in the Laws of the Universe on this site to change the core beliefs you have that aren't working for you. Here are some major ones to transform:
There is a 4th chakra issues showing up of self centeredness. This is due, I think, to the fact that you worry so much about yourself. Self centeredness usually comes from either fear, or arrogance. It is time to move into real heart energy, and that comes about when you are in sync with the truth of who you really are - a child of God, as everything and everyone else is, also. It is time to open your heart and let go of any blame you may hold toward anyone, including yourself, for this problem. To open your heart, the following exercise is very useful:
To help you with this healing, using the Aura-Soma pale peach quintessence, called Sanat Kumara and Lady Venus Kumara, (for helping bring together all the various facets of this process as well as helping to bring the divine into the everyday), would be great for you. It can be ordered at email@example.com. You spray some of this delicious smelling stuff on your body , especially the navel area, heart, and spiritual eye to integrate the healing vibrations it carries.
Also, I invite you to find a meditative practice that you like and Meditate daily, for at least 20 minutes twice a day, from now on. Very important.