"I'm trying to find what is keeping me from fully believing in myself"
Dear Ayal - Light and blessings to you on your new ventures. The caring advice and wisdom given in your responses to others' questions have helped me greatly in my own path of searching and healing. Your answers affirm my beliefs and have shown me how they apply to life situations.
Now I wish to ask for your help.
I believe that I understand the Laws of the Universe, I have received very similar information from different sources and they make sense to me on many levels.
I would like your help with the one level that I don't feel I am getting the Laws at - the level of faith.
I have felt for a while that there is something in me (a core belief / thought pattern) that is blocking me from fully accepting the Laws and from living my life in harmony with them. I have been trying to get to that belief but am having difficulty seeing it. I feel that this belief and the resulting lack of faith is blocking me from moving forward and keeps me from fully believing in myself, from easily connecting with others and with my higher self.
Can you help me to uncover that belief - where it came from, how to release it?
Thank you for your help!
Hi. Yes. What stops us from having faith is a lack of faith in ourselves. A lack of faith in ourselves is actually just a misunderstanding of who we really are, a way of viewing ourselves that is distorted or untrue. We think we're inadequate or Not Whole, somehow, that we're missing a part of ourselves (Separate from God, sinners, etc.) or that we have to "become" something other then what we already ARE. It is an issue of the Highest magnitude, the one where, when we finally REALLY get it, we then pop through to a whole other level of spiritual awareness and evolution. So, you've come to a major turning point, and you are ready to pop through to another level. I think all you need to do is integrate the following information and open to a change in vibration.
The major distortion on this plane of existence, which probably all of us, just due to the fact that we've incarnated here, have to deal with on this planet is the issue of conditional/unconditional love. We all come in, I think, with a major glitch in our understanding. A glitch that splits us. We think that we will only be loved if we prove ourselves good enough. We think that if we do this or that, then we will finally be loved. Some people think, unconsciously, "Well, if I take care of others, I'll be loved." And some think "If I'm a good enough artist, I'll be loved. And some think "If I make lots of money and prove how efficient I am, I'll be loved", and some think "If I'm tough enough I'll be loved ( or safe. Same thing). And some think "If I'm a good boy or girl or wife or mother or provider or husband, or thin enough, or an athlete (you name it!) I'll be loved." And so forth and so on.
None of that is true. The truth is that we already are loved and good enough, and safe, and we don't have to do anything to "get there" or prove it.
As God says: I AM WHAT I AM.
Well, what does that mean? It's probably the greatest spiritual truth and teaching present, and no one really gets it.
What it means is that God is saying: I already AM ok, I AM MYSELF, and that's enough. I AM already the whole thing, all that is ... and I don't need to DO anything about it to make myself MORE whole, (Whole is Whole - there's no MORE about it) except to appreciate and enjoy myself and the moments I create. All I have to do is be myself or AM out to the Universe (radiate out) what I AM.
But as soon as we think, whether consciously or unconsciously "I'm not enough", we have disconnected. We have disconnected from ourself, and then we must disconnect from others because we think we have to hide our poor-not- good-enough-wretched self away. We think if we expose ourselves as we "are", we'll be attacked, criticized, ridiculed, seen in all our "flaws" and failings. We think others must see us that way, because that's how WE are seeing ourselves. So, if we're hidden and defensive about ourselves, hiding behind a shield of protection, so to speak, hoping NOT to be seen or "found out", how can we make a real authentic connection with anyone else?
That's what Christ meant when he said "Don't hide your light under a bushel." Or, in other words: "What's not to love?" We can't connect to anyone if we're under a bushel, right?
If you can imagine all of these distorted thought forms about love and not being loved and not being enough flowing all over the planet, and you could watch how it looked, I think that it would look like we were all walking around trying to relate to one another through bubbled glass, or thick wave patterns, like how things look when we try to see underwater. All these distorted waves of energy floating around and we're trying to connect and see through them, Man! It's tough with all that going on! How do we think we can begin to connect, truly connect, through all of that, or connect to another when we are essentially hiding?
Think of all the generations passing on this distortion. Everyone feels unloved, and actually, somewhere in themselves believe that no matter what they do, trying so hard to prove they're good enough, it never works. And it never works because the core belief or wavelength pattern they're operating out of to begin with is that they're NOT good enough. They're "AM-ING" that out to everyone because they're saying that's what I AM. Got that? With that belief, no matter what they do, they're sending out that energy. They will create situations where that gets mirrored back to them, because that's how the Laws of the Universe work. Give and Ye shall receive type of thing. All of these old teachings are right on, and quite profound. Just takes a while to get the depth of it. You get back yourself, or whatever you put out. So, after years of feeling this pain and anger and frustration, and blaming others for it, the distortion gets really set. In that case, no matter what happens in life or what someone says, a person with such a distortion going on will be defensive and unconsciously hear rejection and criticism all the time whether it's meant that way or not and unconsciously respond from: "I have to defend myself because I'm not good enough". Or they'll think: "No one hears what I have to say or offer" etc. Then they feel anxious, insecure, and when they create with anxiety or insecurity, that energy can only create situations made up of that same energy. For instance, if a woman feels she's never listened to, she'll attract a man who can't listen to her. Then she continues to feel not good enough. Or people get fired from their job, lose a relationship, etc., all from the distortion that they're operating from. This distorted issue has us hearing whatever comes our way as an attack.
So, we either go into relating to others from defense, rebellion, or denial. None of that allows a truly loving, pure connection. We think we're being criticized, or not being heard, accepted, or received by anyone. Because the outside world and events in our lives and what we continually experience seem to validate and confirm over and over that we're not good enough, (because it can only continue to reflect our own wavelength back to us), we stay stuck in believing it. The emotions that go along with not feeling good enough become fixed , like an addiction, and we are vibing them all the time, feeling them all the time and not even knowing it. And then we have no faith in ourselves. And the loop goes on.
So, then, if you see how this passes down the generations ( the distortions of the father are visited upon the son sort of thing is what's going on here - we're all seeing through the same distorted lens) that a parent relates to their children through all this stuff, and the children then feel they're not good enough either and can never do anything right or please anyone, and then they feel unworthy and unloved, and they pass it down to their children, and on it goes. Well, we can step out of it, and get untangled from it and here's how:
The first thing we have to realize is that we have a filter going on that we see and interpret everything through, a belief that says "love is conditional." And "I'm not good enough as I AM."
In essence, we need to recognize that it's a misunderstanding of what being responsible to oneself means. We think if we're truly a "responsible" person, then we do all these things right, and then we'll be accepted or loved by others. ( Conditional love) That isn't what being responsible or being loved is all about. This is what it's all about:
RESPONSIBILITY IS THE ABILITY TO fulfill ONE'S NEEDS AND TO DO SO IN A WAY THAT DOES NOT HARM ONESELF OR DEPRIVE OTHERS OF THE ABILITY TO fulfill THEIR NEEDS.
RESPONSIBILITY IS THE ABILITY TO BE WHO YOU ARE - IN YOUR FULLNESS.
Think about this for a bit before you read on.
Here it is again. Same thing: I AM WHAT I AM. I accept the fullness of what I am, and I give that to myself. I ALLOW myself to have fullness, to experience all that I absolutely love and that fulfills me, because I love myself and deserve all that is wonderful. Because I AM all that is wonderful. So, I give love, and I receive love. It's natural. WHAT I AM.
For example. If the woman who feels unheard by others changed that emotion of panic and belief that she will always be rejected into one of absolutely loving and delighting IN HERSELF, knowing without a doubt in her mind that she is incredibly interesting and worthwhile and of course people delight in what she has to say because she is marvelous, her life changes. When she then shares with that energy, everything changes because she KNOWS that she will be heard. She is actually hearing and receiving HERSELF - ACCEPTING HERSELF - and then that is what then gets created. She does not expect to be rejected, and so then she isn't. Her belief system would not carry any energy of rejection in it.
We change the belief in conditional love, or lack of faith in ourselves by 100% deciding that we're fed up with living that way and we don't want it anymore. We get ourselves to that point. And we decide 100% we are ready to and choose to live from the state ( we open to the possibility at first) that KNOWS and FEELS that we are good enough, just as we (truly) ARE. We decide to look at ourselves through our God-eyes, or understanding, that sees itself and knows itself to be perfect already. We operate from "I AM WHAT I AM". That is called your "I AM Presence, or, Christ Consciousness, or Higher Self. Then, you call upon that energy whenever you fall into thinking that love is conditional and dependent upon what you DO, whenever you fall into feeling or believing that you are inferior or inadequate or insecure in any way. The "fall from Grace" is symbolically what the bible is talking about here - falling into a computer glitch in our minds or a distortion in our thinking or understanding. Falling from the level of understanding that knows that we are already enough. That's all. It's not a sin - just a computer glitch. THERE IS NO SIN, (or not being good enough) because there is no separation or splitting from I AM WHAT I AM. Because separation is not loving yourself and is an illusion, for no one can be separate from what they are, as god cannot be separate from what it is. People can have a belief that makes them "think" they are separate, where they feel split from themselves and "not enough", but that's an illusion.
Because separation is NOT loving yourself, and since that's all there is, and since Love of Self is actually all that is true, I AM WHAT I AM, the I AM Presence, how can there be sin or - not being good enough? Those who think or preach sin are actually spreading NOT love, or fear - ironic, as that is what they're preaching AGAINST, but that is what they actually are breeding or caught in themselves. FEAR. A distortion in thinking.
Because part of our intellectual mind is like a computer and part of our brain takes care of our basic functioning, it is by nature a machine on those 2 levels and is a finite thing. We have 3 levels of brain, or mind. The lower brain, or reptilian brain, found at the brain stem deals with instincts and survival; the middle brain is what we talk and think with; and the higher mind is the state of enlightenment when we connect to our Christ Consciousness, or Illuminated or Self Actualized state. Think of all the brain that we don't use yet. That, I think, is the Higher Mind that most of us haven't learned how to tap into yet. Most people stay in the lower and middle brain. Meditation is a method to access the Higher brain, or Mind. Because the middle and lower brain deal with "DOING" things, or performing functions, I think we get caught then in operating as they do, or thinking that we have to DO to exist, or, in other words, to be loved. Not true.
When we activate the Higher Mind, we understand that Love is already fully present in the Universe - it already is, and it is from that that everything gets created - for, just as we LOVE to create, so too does what we term "God" - it creates with and from Love. It feels good, right? It's fun. fulfilling. So then Love created us, we are made of it, from it. Therefore, just as God is I AM WHAT I AM = Loving Itself and what it creates, so too we are already God, whole in ourselves = Love essence, that is meant to create with love and thoroughly enjoy itself. We are the essence of the God self in human form. God gets to play and experience itself and have new fun times by being us, pouring itself in human form, out of Love.
So, again: what's not to love about ourselves? Just remember that when you feel not good enough, and you will switch wavelengths.
When we come from the Higher Mind, we have faith because we realize and can feel that all is being taken care of and is already operating perfectly. That is when, I think, we see angels or those beings on other levels of consciousness because our awareness is already accepting, or surrendering to the truth that it's all just fine and taken care of. How could it not all be taken care of if Love is what is pulling the strings behind the curtain? Because God is "responsible" in the true sense, and in being responsible it cannot harm itself. We then move into trusting that because we are on that same wavelength ourselves so we know what it feels like. When we believe we're not good enough we forget that though, and we lose "faith". Right? When we ourselves can actually feel this wavelength or energy in our hearts, not in our intellectual mind as a concept, when we fully sense it, or accept it, then we start also vibrating on a Higher wavelength or new energetic pattern. And, as like attracts like, the circles we begin to move in then are of a "higher order" or "less dense," clearer energetic pattern/wavelength, such as what we call angelic beings, guides, etc.
To change your energetic frequency, which you are seeking and ready for now, you first must clear the denser issues or distortions in your energetic field, and you sound as if you are doing that quite well. You release, in essence, all that is NOT you, as a sculptor chips away at everything that is not the form of the sculpture he already sees and knows is in the stone. Then, after we have cleared away all the thicker stuff, so to speak, and get down to our core essence, once we realize that all the pain and anger we have felt toward others or life has simply been a result of having this distorted belief, then we no longer feel or operate from blaming or anger, or inferiority, and we are more ready to move on to a Higher state. We're lighter, so to speak, and we become lighter beings. We get to this very refined, core place where we deal with and gain an understanding of Unconditional Love, or I AM-NESS. Or, how to truly be a responsible being.
Sit and digest all of this for a while, and just open to the wavelength it's coming from.
So, call upon your I AM Presence and state the intention that you are Now ready and able and fully willing to be responsible to yourself in this way - to love yourself, to understand and accept Unconditional Love as the way things ARE - however you want to phrase it... so that you open to that wavelength pattern.
Good Process you're in! You're right on track!