"Why do I feel pulled to return to a person and area that's unhealthy for me?"
Hi! Thank you for being there, you have a great web-site.
Here's my question(s)...
I seem to attract men who are not available in one way or another. How do I change this? How do I stop giving myself away, and really love myself first so that the divine relationship I desire is able to manifest?
What do you do when you have a very strong energetic connection to someone who is not healthy for you? Or even an area... I had kept feeling pulled back to an area I had lived in for four years... I moved from the area because it just did not feel good there, and I needed to put some distance between the man that I had been living with and myself. I've been away for 1 1/2 yrs., and have been trying to decide where to move to... but nothing seems to feel "right"... for a while I thought I was to move back to this area because I kept feeling "pulled" there energetically... a friend said to me, why do you want to come back to an area that is not healthy for you or your son, and the things that you are seeking are not in this area? There's more including a dream I had about this area and a nuclear explosion, which I feel was symbolic of this area not being a healthy place for us to move to.
I've been having some dreams lately, that I understand parts of, but not the whole dream... for instance in my dream 2 nights ago, in part of it, there was a herd of mainly black nubian goats that were sucking on my fingers and one kept nibbling on my right ankle...
Last night I had a dream I was at a farmers market with a couple I know and a man. The man who was part of the couple, gave me what he said were red beet leaves, they were all very neatly stacked about 1/2' high... I looked at them and thought these look like swiss chard, not red beet leaves. My car was there and there was a trailer attached to it... I have a station wagon and in the back was a bag of potatoes... I took the leaves and carefully placed them on the front passenger seat... the man that was there with us, then got into my car and drove off! I got very upset and said he is stealing my car! The couple very calmly said to me, he will bring it back. For some reason I looked up into the sky and I saw a beautiful angel in a bubble coming down towards me... I told the couple to look, which they did... as the angel came closer the bubble disappeared. My first feeling was that this was Mary mother of Jesus. I was given a song and told that this was my song... I didn't hear any music, all I know is this is what I was told the title of my song is, "The Picture Room of My Life".
I do believe all of this ties in with my current situation.
I would deeply appreciate any guidance or insight you may be able to give me.
Hi - Well, there are some interesting things showing up for you. I asked about your dream, and the answer I got was that in general, it represented frustration for you. You are needing to develop warmth and receptivity in your verbal communications. Somewhere, you do not trust what others tell you - as you mentioned in your letter, your friend asks you why you move back to a place you don't feel good in - that friend is offering some good clear communication, but you seem to not take it in on some level and instead do what is the opposite of good information. In the dream, this was represented by the people telling you the leaves were beets, but you saw it as something else - in other words, you did not trust the information, or communications you were being given, and you felt frustrated that people were telling you one thing, but you got confused and saw it as something else. Secondly, the man drove off with your car, and that frustrated you, and you felt upset, and the people basically told you to lighten up and not take it so seriously, that it would be ok. You saw it, however, as a theft. Part of the message here, as I was informed, is for you to not take things so seriously, and to develop cheerfulness. You are coming a lot from nervousness and worry. Trust seems to be an issue here. You are not somehow seeing things for what they are.
I'll go a bit farther with this, and you can see if it rings true for you. If the outer is a reflection of the inner, then, for you, some part of you is not listening to, or being able to be receptive to your own inner voice, as you were not receptive to communications coming to you in the dream, or from your friend. In the dream, finally, you were more receptive to this, in the form of the angel coming to you. You seem to have a block or resistance to listening to what you know to be true for yourself, which would only help your life. I think seeing that in the form of an angel was telling you that trusting your inner voice is a wonderful and beautiful thing, and brings joy. But, up to now, instead of listening to your inner truth, or yourself in the highest sense, you go off and do something that hurts you or is not healthy for you instead. Like returning to a place where your dream (inner truth) has told you a bomb will go off, but you go there anyway. So, as I read this, there is a split or a wound or a veil going on for you about being able to trust yourself or connect to who you really are and see what is right for you. How come? That's the question you need to be sitting with for a while. This has led to confusion for you about making appropriate decisions, as well as frustration and nervousness.
I think it would benefit you to ask in meditation what happened to create this inability to listen to your inner truth and trust who you are, or go in the right direction for yourself. Ask, what are the origins of this issue for me? Something happened that veered you away from trusting yourself and had you accept and listen to information, or follow others, that was not true or appropriate for you. Maybe you listened to a parental figure who did not speak the truth or who was clear themselves, or who treated you in a way that was not good for you, and you accepted that as your lode star. Or perhaps you tried loving a parent who wasn't available for you, and in order to try to get their love, you gave up yourself, and tried to do whatever they said to please them and gain acceptance. Whatever the origins of this is, often when something like that happens to us as children, because we love that parent, the role model for love involves caring for someone who isn't behaving in a way that is good for us. Or, the pattern for our live involves being in a place that isn't good for us - but when it's all you know to do, and it's locked into your neurological pathways as a program, as in a computer, you continue to use that as a model as an adult. Therefore, you pick people who are not healthy for you either, or available, thinking that that is part of the model for loving someone. Or, you follow the old pattern and continue to live in a place that doesn't feel good. This will be for you to think about, meditate on, and sort out. I invite you to read about changing core beliefs in the Laws of the Universe in order to understand how to change an old pattern or program, if you choose to do so.
You will need to cut the cords to this issue or to those people involved in this issue, if you discover that this is what is going on. This is an inner child issue. Read the article listed at the end of the home page on cutting cords.
Also, I got that it would be good for you to say this twice a day for 2 days: