"I just do not seem to fit in with other people"
Dear kind Mrs Hurst,
I was happy to find you in the Net. It is said, "Search and you will find." Coming right to the point: I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually wounded but the emotional and mental hurts are the ones that concern me most. These last hurts have to do with my relationships with people. I do not seem to fit in just right anywhere. I am full of energy, independent, progressive and I like to explore all the possibilities for growth in any direction possible. No matter where I am or with which community I happen to be I end up being unwanted at the end, when people discover I prefer to go my own way and be independent or for other reasons unknown to me. I do also take a long time to respond to offenses and when I do I am overloaded and explosive. People react back with greater aggression and rejection. I do want to be a more friendly person maintaining still my independence but I do not know how. Please help me.
May God assist you in all your undertakings and bless you and your dear ones.
Thank you for writing. In answer to your question, what you are dealing with are a lot of built up issues, psychic toxins, they are called, that have not been understood, but have shaped your experiences, nonetheless.
The main issue seems to be that you hold a lot of nervous energy in your body - this may have to do with not feeling safe on an instinctual level. Just on a gut level, you don't feel safe, and people pick up on this nervousness. A large part of you expects to be rejected and also expects to suffer. Most of this is not conscious, but what it does is to send out this message to the world. Since we create what we believe in, even if it's an unconscious belief, that is what we get back.
So, you don't feel comfortable or safe, you expect to suffer, and that creates not being able to relate to others in a way that works for you. In other words, people pick up on your nervousness and on these feelings, and what ends up happening is that THEY don't feel safe around YOU. But, they are only a mirror of what is going on inside of you. They sense your fear and so they get scared, and they reflect your fear back to you.
How can you end up being able to stay anywhere if no where feels safe? Your instincts kick in and tell you to flee, and that is what happens, even if it seems that it is other people telling you to go - it is actually this belief, this unconscious energy, in yourself, that makes you have to leave.
So, how to heal this? The first place to begin would be to strengthen your life force energy - to release that nervousness that is locked in your body. You can do this through various forms of body work. Rolfing would be great, or massage. It takes time to release the many layers of tension and hurt we hold in our bodies. It would also help to join a support group where you can share these feelings and have help working through them. An aurasoma product would also be helpful. If you look up www.aura-soma.net on the Internet, you can order an essence that will bring new energy and new awarenesses into your being. A good one for you would be the emerald green essence for going to the heart of things and for finding your own space. You apply this daily to your body, wherever you feel a block.
The next thing to work on would be the ability to Speak Your Truth. This comes when we are first honest with ourselves - when we understand what is going on inside of us, why we feel the way we do, then we can share that truth with others. We also realize - and this is so very powerful - that no one else is to blame. No one EVER does anything TO us. We are simply creating our life from what we believe. It is a lifelong journey to understand ourselves, to continue to find out who we are. Plato said it best - the purpose of life: "KNOW THYSELF."
You have begun this journey. There are many helpers out there who can guide us to gain a better understanding of who we are. Below is a great technique you can use to help get in touch with how you feel, and how to change your reactions into positive energy.
- An event happens - you experience something.
- You have an emotional response to it. You notice what that response is. How do you react, or feel about what just happened? Be fully honest with yourself.
- You ask yourself: "What is my need here?" "What am I needing?"
- You say: "An energy from my heart that would meet my need is now available to me."
- You let that energy flow into you from your heart. You give yourself that energy and allow it to be a part of you, and you say: "I have grown."
- You realize that you have a new positive quality held in your heart, and you can even say that to yourself: "I have a new quality held in my heart."
- A course of action is planned to express this new, positive heart quality. "I will now________."
- You support doing that action by feeling how good it will feel. You let yourself feel that good feeling.
- You say to yourself, and you realize fully that: "I will now manifest new events happening that are for my highest good."
This is a good practice that will help you to get in touch with yourself and to create new qualities and possibilities for your life. Good luck, and many blessings.
Ayal, thank you so much for your prompt and detailed reply. You are so right to say I hold a lot of nervous energy in my body. I never knew why. Even after your explanation it is so shocking to realize that I expect to be rejected and subject to suffering. It has no logic at all and I do not understand how my unconscious can hold such beliefs. To release this nervousness I have tried last year to go for chiropractice, reflexology and Reiki sessions. At the very first chiropractice session the doctor was amazed of how locked I was. That was when I was still in South Africa. This year, unfortunately, I have no access to any of these bodywork practices. All I do is Reiki on myself. I never heard of rolfing and I wonder what that is. I am happy with your detailed explanation. At least I have an idea of where to go from here. I want to do all I can to improve.
We all have many misconceptions about ourselves and life that get formed when we make an erroneous decision about some event. For instance, we may be around someone who is angry, and even though it is not true, we decide that we are the cause of that anger. Then, we become full of guilt, or shame, or fear, and we carry around that energy locked in our body.
There are an unlimited amount of choices we can make about any experience we go through. If we make those choices based on fear rather than love, we will have created a misunderstanding. Then the energy in our body becomes tense or misaligned in some way. The journey of life is to see clearly - to be able to see where we are not aligned with Truth, and to then clear up these misconceptions. When we do that, we ARE able to relate to ourselves and to life clearly, from that place of Truth, which is Love. If your response, any response, is not coming from Love, it has to be a misunderstanding of some sort that you are caught in.
Once we know this, we can check to see where we are coming from, what we are feeling and/or thinking, and thus realign it to Truth. This is the journey for all of us. It can be shocking at first to see what we have operated out of, but once you understand that we all get caught in it, that it is the journey to find our way clear, then you can love yourself and enjoy the discovery of always moving toward Truth in a clearer and clearer way. Like a treasure hunt.
Rolfing is very deep tissue and muscle release and realignment work. Very good stuff. Was developed by a woman named Ida Rolf. You could probably look it up on the Internet.
Blessings to you and your courage to undertake this journey of self discovery.