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"My boyfriend copies his best friend and tells small lies compulsively"

Hello Ayal,

At the current time I'm living with my boyfriend of a year in less than 2 weeks. I love him a great deal but we've had some problems. Mainly problems with his best friend. His best friend is very controlling over him due to the fact that in the past my boyfriend didn't have a strong relationship, nor did he have the significant other that was in their mind enough to 'live on their own' without a helping hand. So his best friend decided that even while with me he still needed him, which I strongly disagree. See my boyfriend is a follower, so anything this so called best friend does, he does. Well his friend here is a compulsive liar, to the extent that he would lie about the price of a massage shower head just to make it seem like he went out of his tight budget just to get it! So therefore, my boyfriend has picked up on this and does this to me often, just mild fibbing, but I always catch him in it, and he says he doesn't mean to..... what do I do? and why does he do this? It's like he's lied so much to himself and others that things just pop into his head and he forgets the truth, I don't understand it! Please help me, everyday I feel like I have to watch him because of this!

Hello - Well, first of all, let's start with you, because anyone in your life is a mirror, in some way, of issues that you yourself have. You created this situation and this person being in your life for a reason, since we are each the creator of our own lives. So, as the Creator of your life's experiences, and the people that are in your life, you must always ask the question: "What is the mirror to me here?" So, what is this situation showing you about yourself? When you find that out, then you can change, if you choose to, what in you has attracted/created this kind of situation with this kind of person.

I'll give you a couple of hints. You are very angry because you have a belief and a fear that the people closest to you - maybe even people in general, but especially the people you care about - care more about others than they do about you. This began in your family of origin, years ago, and this pattern and fear and belief is still playing itself out in your life, once again, in this situation with your boyfriend. You have an issue of not feeling good enough, or competent enough, because of this belief that others are favored over you. Therefore, you are creating having this situation with your boyfriend's best friend where you see him as the bad guy because you feel threatened by him. You already said in your letter that you don't even think that your boyfriend needs him now that he has you. So, that tells me that you feel very insecure and want no one else to be around who might have the attention or affection of your boyfriend. This insecurity makes you want to have him all to yourself. No relationship can work that way. Should you give up everyone else in your life because your boyfriend might want himself to be the only one you care about? That isn't love. That's neediness and deep insecurity. If you do not want to allow your boyfriend to have friends because of your own fears that you aren't enough, or your need to be numero uno and the only one in his life, you will strangle him to death emotionally with that kind of possessiveness. Plus, it's not a healthy energy for you to live out of anyway.

Whether or not this guy lies or not, or whether or not this boyfriend is a follower isn't the issue here. The issue is what's going on for you.

What is showing up here for you is to become aware of what is really going on here, and to become much more conscious about what is going on FOR YOU. Doing some holotropic breathwork sessions to get to the heart of this issue and problem would be a very good and healing thing for you to do. You've got to love and trust yourself, and value yourself, truly, deep down, before you can create a relationship that is truly loving, that really works, and is healthy. I invite you to look up holotropic breathwork on the net for a practitioner near you, and I'd suggest at least a minimum of 6 sessions, more as needed, to start working through this issue for yourself.

Also, it would be good for you to heal a hole in your aura. Stand with your arms out at 90 degrees, with your elbows bent, fingers closed. Have one thumb under the fingers of one hand, and the other thumb outside of the fingers. Then, for 1 minute, keep switching them alternately, so that the thumb that was outside goes in, and the thumb that was in, goes out. Etc. You can also do the breath of fire with this. To do the breath of fire, which is a very powerful, purifying breath, that creates fire and energy in the body, breathe in and out forcefully and quickly without pausing between the inhale and the exhale. There is more emphasis on the exhale, sort of like a quick snort. As you exhale, allow your diaphragm to cave in and be pulled in. Since this breath is so powerful, begin by doing it for only 20 seconds and build up to being able to do it for the full minute. Afterwards, drink plenty of water.

Using the olive green Aura-Soma pomander would be good for you, to develop courage, the ability to make good choices, and to strengthen your will. That can be ordered at

Blessings, Ayal

377. "I am 30 years old and have been playing the victim for at least the last 28 years"

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