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"I am 30 years old and have been playing the victim for at least the last 28 years"

I have read your "Laws of the Universe" section and realize that I need to change my attitude towards life in some major ways. Most of all to stop being a "victim". I have a tremendous fear of discipline for some unknown reason. It will take quite a bit of discipline on my part in order to change since I am 30 years old and have been playing the victim for at least the last 28 years. Why does there seem to be a huge wall between me and changing my attitude and why do I like to stay a miserable victim.


You are needing to strengthen your life force energy. I think that it is basically low, and that is why discipline, or the need to use and implement energy, seems so overwhelming to you. A couple of things you can do for this:

  1. A power animal journey, which taps into the animal, life force aspect of our being, and offers us that power and guidance in a wonderful way. Info on that follows below.

  2. You need to close a hole in your aura. To do this: Stand with your arms up and out to the sides at 60 degree angles with your fingers closed and your thumbs out. Hold this pose for 1 minute. You can also do the breath of fire with this. To do the breath of fire, which is a very powerful, purifying breath, that creates a lot of fire and energy in the body, breathe in and out forcefully and quickly without pausing between the inhale and the exhale. There is more emphasis on the exhale, sort of like a quick snort. As you exhale, allow your diaphragm to just cave in, and be pulled in. Since this breath is so powerful, begin by doing it for only 20 seconds and build up to being able to do it for the full minute. Afterwards, drink plenty of water.
I am getting that it would be very good for you to get involved with Vipassana meditation. Jack Kornfield has a wonderful audio series out called 'The Inner Art of Meditation', which is really delightful to listen to, full of stories, humor, and great information, as well as guided meditations, that will teach you all about it.

The quality of one's life force energy is a 1st chakra issue that has to do with the family structure, with one's roots, or grounding, in other words, the will to live, with security and group safety. It would be good for you to work with any beliefs you have that you will be "discarded", and the anxiety that has resulted from that. Check out the formula for clearing and changing core beliefs found in the Laws. Let go of remorse, and realize that you are never alone or cut off from others. You are always connected to the wheel of life as you are an aspect of Spirit, a glowing light connected to all things, an integral link on the chain of life, like a crystalline dew drop on the strand of a spider web. Check out any beliefs you have that you are, or will be, threatened.

Also, It would be good for you to spend some time directly working with and healing your 1st chakra. To do this, sit with eyes closed, for about 15 minutes twice a day and visualize a glowing, fire engine red gently spinning wheel of light at the base of the tailbone, at the coccyx area Ask that whatever needs to be healed, restored, and released for perfect form and functioning of this chakra be healed, restored, and released. Then, send that glowing, red energy 3 feet down into the earth.

It would also be of use to you to order and use an Aura-Soma product, the turquoise quintessence called Maha Cohan, the Greater Teacher. This essence will encourage the positive qualities and help in the release of feelings that need to be expressed. You can order it at

Taking PABA, a basic vitamin nutrient and boron, as a dietary supplement, would be good for you. Your thyroid also may need some strengthening. You can get that checked out by a good naturopath or holistic chiropractor

Here is the information on finding your power animal. You will need a tape player and a tape of drumming that is especially made for shamanic journeys. This can be ordered from Foundation for Shamanic Studies. The tape ought to be at least an hour long. If it isn't, re-copy it twice onto another tape to make it longer. When it is time to return from your journey, the drumming will speed up, so only have that speeded up part re-copied at the very end of the tape. If it is still light outside when you do this journey, you may want to put a cloth over your eyes to make it darker. Also, some people like to use headsets to listen to the drumming.

Get comfortable in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed for at least 40 minutes. Light a candle, and then do some slow, deep breathing to fully relax. As with doing any sacred ceremony, you may want to set up a protection around yourself and state an intention that only that energy which is your true Spirit of Unconditional Love and Life Force energy be with you and given to you. It would be good also to set up a cocoon of white light around yourself before you begin which puts this in place also. You can ask for guidance and protection from Great Spirit, the Creator, God, etc. That way you are very clear what your intention is and what you will only allow into your space. Lighting white candles is a good idea as they represent light and purity.

When you are fully relaxed, imagine that you are walking along a path that leads to a special place that you have actually seen before, a place that leads into the earth. This can be a cave, a hole in the ground, a hole in a tree, a rock overhang, etc. As you imagine walking along this path, use your imaginary senses to really be there - smell the air, feel the ground underneath your feet, notice the colors and sounds around you, feel the air against your skin. Take it all in. When you get to that place which leads into the earth, which is for you alone and no one else, enter into it, again using all your senses to explore the area for a bit. Feel if the walls are smooth or rough, wet or dry - if the air is cooler, etc.

Then, you will notice that there is a long tunnel leading down into the earth from this entranceway. Follow it down deeper and deeper into the earth. Allow the journey to take you as it will. Release any need to control it. Let happens what happens and just stay present with the experience. While you follow this tunnel deeper into the earth, hold in your mind and heart the intention that this journey is for you to connect to your power animal, your medicine ally. That is what you are there for. Eventually, you will notice that the tunnel ends at another entranceway. This entranceway leads you into the world of the Animal Spirits. This world is consists only of a world of nature. Natural landscapes are everywhere. There are animals everywhere - in the trees, grasses, by the rivers, on the mountains, etc. Notice what it looks like, what the landscape is like where you have arrived into this world. Leave the tunnel and begin to walk out into this world. Again, use all your senses as you explore this world. Notice what time of day or night it is, what's around you, the sounds and colors, the smells, the feeling of the air against your skin, how the earth feels under your feet, etc. Walk in this world taking it all in, holding your intention to meet your medicine ally, until an animal approaches you. When it does, ask it if it is your power animal. If it says yes, you may then journey on with it, learning about it, sharing with it, bonding with it, and asking for any help or guidance or answers you may need. If it says no, it is not your ally, continue walking until you meet the right one. When it is time to leave this spirit world, ask your power animal for a gift, and give it a gift in return. Ask how you can call upon it when you need to, and ask also if you need to keep what it is and what it shares with you private. When it is time to go, say goodbye, and thank you. Then, return to the tunnel and walk back up out of the passageway until you return to the entrance where you entered into the earth. Walk back along your path, and return to the room where you are visioning from. Take some time to fully come back into your body, bringing ALL of yourself back, filling up all of your body with yourself, all the way to finger tips and toes and eyelashes. If you choose to, you can write in a journal about what you learned and what guidance you were given. Take some time to integrate this experience. Don't go out into the world too fast or try to do too much afterwards. Drink water, and Remember to blow out the candles!

Blessings, Ayal

next 376. "I feel so alone and disconnected from everyone, including my own family"

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