"I feel like a part of me is telling me to give up, that I cannot succeed"
I don't know if you remember me or not. I had some short contact and had asked for some guidances before. You did your help. But now, I feel again that I cannot be the person I wanted to be.
Let tell you my story, I went to India to study Computer Science, but soon I found that the course is not the one I like. Then I tried to join the college of art to study Fine Arts and then to change it to Animation. But I could not. I was confused and a little shocked because of some problems, like, there was a large and obvious difference between the fees for Computer Science and for Fine Arts. Finally I went back to Iran with the thought of learning animation via the art institutes in Tehran city. Well, it's been 3 months since I've come back, and I'm going to an art institute like I wished. The course is related to Animation is 2 years of study. I'm a good student among the others and the teacher regards me as a talented student. I'm happy for that. I don't know what's going on in my mind that makes me feel hopeless. What I'm going to right is real and I do not like to lie and cheat myself.
The first thing that weakens me in reaching my goal is that I think that the only way to see the success is to attend university. Because, in what I'm doing now, I only would be able to take a certification for Animation. On the other hand, in Iran, unfortunately we have only one Art college and it has a hard entrance exam that has been the cause of many talented students to miss the college every year, and the only reason is the failure in the exam. As you see there are two different and opposite problem on my mind.
Also, one of my relatives who studied art always tells me that I should not miss going to the college. But I do not like to think about that exam again. I had tried to attend before going to India and before doing my military service, twice, and I could not reach my favorite course. Now, I don't want to be seeing myself in those previous disgusting times.
I recently went to an animation company to start working. They tested my skill and I passed the first test. But the second test which was about the ability to draw a comic character in different modes and angles caused some serious problems for me. The studio director told me that I'm weak in drawing quickly. Well, this has caused me to feel like I'm not good for animation. Indeed he was right, because it's necessary to be quick when drawing a character while you consider the shapes exactly. This happening has caused me to see differently the way to be a successful animator. Now, I feel there is something that wants to stop me. Something that whispers me like this, "Give up Ardalan, you can not be a good animator, it's hard and impossible, you are a loser." It also whispers, "You came into a wrong way again and the Animation is not achievable for you, you have to go to university, otherwise you'll regret soon, in the future." These words have come to my mind, I do not like to think about them. I promised myself, when I was coming back from India, to keep trying in this way. As I wish to go abroad to live and work, I think the only important thing is the skill I have and nothing is more important than to be a specialist. And when I think like this I feel better.
Now, I deeply want to listen to your glorious words. I must apologize for taking your time. I'm sure that the merciful God would bless you, because you spend your life for other people and this is not a little thing.
Yes, of course I remember you. Hmmmm......well, I can't tell you what path to take, but I can help you to strengthen your life force energy so that you have all the energy you need to make decisions that work well for you.
First of all, I am getting that it would be good for you to have a soul retrieval session. I think that you are missing a part of yourself that is much needed. Look up The Foundation for Shamanic Studies on the net, and see if you can locate a practitioner near you.
There are issues showing up for you of feeling threatened. You may want to sit in meditation and ask to see what is the origin of these feelings - where did they come from? It is important for you to see the whole picture of what is going on for you that causes you to have difficulty finding a secure and safe place for yourself where you feel competent and confident. Did something happen that damaged your confidence in yourself and stopped you from feeling safe? It seems that something happened to cause you to feel overwhelmed by a sort of black cloud somewhere along the way, and that is getting in the way of you being able to find your way. There are definitely issues of feeling lonely and alienated showing up, and it would be good for you to see where those came from, as well.
Also, you need to repair a hole in your aura. To do this, stand with your arms out straight to the sides, at shoulder level, with your fingers open. Make little circles in reverse motion with your arms for 1 minute. When you are finished, bring your fingertips together and bring your hands to your shoulders for a few seconds.
I'd do this twice over a period of 2 days.
Your inner feminine energy has an issue called "lack of ambition". Read about the dynamics between our inner masculine and feminine energies listed at the end of the home page, and do the meditation offered in it to get in touch with your inner feminine energy. Work with healing that within you.
Often those inner voices we hear can come from our lower self, the critical judge or parent within us. When you hear that voice, ask if it is coming from your Higher or Lower self. If it is coming from your Lower self, just say: "Thank you for sharing, but I choose to only receive messages from my Higher Self." You can even visualize yourself cutting the cords that bind you to that lower self and let its voice just disappear, as a balloon would disappear that you let go of.
I also think that it would be a good idea to work with your nervous system, which seems to be a bit disordered. Perhaps you can go to a good health food store or naturopathic doctor or holistic chiropractor and see if they have something that is good for the nervous system and anxiety.
Imagining the color indigo, or dark blue all around your head for clarity would be good for you to do, 3 times a day for 2 weeks.
Also, using the emerald green Aura-Soma pomander, which helps one to find one's own space, and to go to he heart of things, would be very helpful for you. You can order it at firstname.lastname@example.org. Use it at least 3 times a time, rubbing it on your heart area, for 2 months.
Eating kiwis and watermelon is good for you; also taking Vitamin D and vitamin C (2000mg of C) and a mixed fiber supplement would be good as well. Taking choline, folic acid, glutamic acid, and thiamin as supplements would also be good.