"I find myself questioning the motives of all my friends and even family members"
I seem to have hit a wall, so to speak. I have been having "not so great" days. This is something that I have been struggling to get clear on my own and have worked through several issues, but I believe that I have not quite unveiled the "big" issue to myself yet. There seems to be a strong self sabotage factor here pertaining to relationships. I manifested a loving, giving boyfriend and all of a sudden my perception of everybody else in my life changed. I find myself questioning the motives of all my friends and even family members. What is that about? I realize there is a false belief here, possibly with trust and betrayal and I want to change it. Is that really what it is though? It feels like there might be something more that I am not seeing. I have been immersing myself in spiritual reading and even some shamanic techniques and have yet to understand why I have hit this block and what the issue is to be exact. I am at the point where I almost want to break up with my boyfriend (who just happens to be exactly what I want in a partner), just so this paranoia will go away since I can't seem to get clear on where it's coming from in me. In fact, the temptation is strong to just separate from even some of my oldest friends, who previously, I have always considered a positive contribution to my life. I really just want peace and harmony in my life and it seems that it comes very naturally to me when I am by myself.
I feel funny about asking for more advice. You give very generously and I feel like there is an unbalance because I have not contributed back. I am creating the possibility that you will understand the place that I am coming from right now, the need to feel centered and the desire for guidance from a wise source. I was hoping that along with any insight that you may have in to what is happening with me, that you also may have some advice on how you have dealt with roadblocks in the past in general.
Hi - I understand your need, and I am happy to answer it. If it troubles you that you want to return some energy to me and have not done so yet, then create that manifesting and create having the resources you need to share energy back with me. Do this for yourself in order to feel better and because it feels right to you to do so, if that is what you choose. What you choose to do, and commit to doing, you will do. Instead of doing this right now, you are falling back into a pattern of lack and then feeling guilty that you "aren't enough" or "don't have enough" or "aren't capable or good enough" in some way. What's needed here is for you to believe in yourself and your ability to manifest what you desire, true? Also - it is not EVER necessary to feel hesitant or guilty for asking for what you need. I have the right and it is MY responsibility, as a grown person in her power, to say yea or nay to any request and take good care of myself. That's not up to you to do, but up to me. If I chose not to answer you, that's up to me. You have the right to ask 100% for what you want and need, and the other person has the right 100% to say yea or nay. And visa versa. There is no blame either way - just people speaking and sharing their truth. That is called empowerment. OK. Now, about your inquiry.
I think that what you are experiencing right now is called "discharge". What that means is this: imagine a bucket full to the brim of water. The water contained in the bucket is all the issues inside of you that you have in your life
So, now you have manifested some growth and good changes in your life. You have done a lot of good inner, clearing work, and you have actually created the kind of man and relationship that you wanted and chose to have. You have seen and experienced that you have the power to create what you need, right? You have experienced now that you can trust your own ability and power to create, right? That is like a rock dropping into the bucket of water. New capabilities and new understanding and new growth and power. When the rock drops into the water, what happens? A lot spills out, right? The water spilling out is the old beliefs and energetic patterns that you no longer need or have use for or that work for you any longer, because you just dropped that rock in to displace them.
You now have direct evidence of your power and what you can do. So, old beliefs that told you were NOT capable have to go because they have been disproven, right? You have also created someone in your life who fits your model of someone you can fully love and trust. So, guess what water has to splash out of the bucket then? The belief that you can't trust people or that they can't be what you need, or that they aren't what they seem to be. Therefore, the old belief systems of not trusting and feeling fearful, believing that you will be betrayed, and feeling paranoid are up in your space as they splash out of the bucket. You are seeing and feeling this in terms of not trusting others. Since it's just discharge, it is not necessary to feed into it or believe it. You simply observe it as it splashes out of you, and call it for what it is. "Oh. I just had a rock in my bucket, so this must be discharge." You witness it from the unattached observer's point of view.
Often when discharge happens, it can catch one unaware, as you hadn't planned on it. It's like taking a shit. When it's ready to come out, it just comes out, and then you find the appropriate place to sit through it and let it release. Sometimes the discharge can be so intense, as this old energy passes through you, that it can feel like an emotional tidal wave hitting you. Once you know, however, what it is, you just give yourself a wink, and hold onto the mast and sit through it and allow it to pass through unhindered, like sweat rolling off of you.