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"I love a man but he insists he wants his independence"

Dear Ayal,

let me tell u my story. I met this guy at my old work. he was my supervisor. we started dating for 2 months and became serious about one another. he made us official as boyfriend and girlfriend from that moment on. We both left that job and were inseparable. We were always at each others place and doing stuff together, weather id be with his/my friends or just the 2 of us. After about a month in a half, I was getting worried about the relationship. he wasn't acting as excited to be with me and became distant alot and would always tell me hes busy, not call me as much. We spent a weekend at his parents house in Ontario and when we came back thats when he basically shut me out of his life. I care deeply about him and wanted to know what i did wrong. i was very upset and cried alot. he wouldnt want to talk to me and said he wasnt ready. i wanted to know if it was over or what was the deal. after about a month of not seeing him, he calls me and asks me to go over. he told me that he just needed his independence. now i dont know what to do. its about a week of this and i dont know what to do next. if he wanted to breakup he would of done it by now and not keep me hanging. I care so much about him. I asked him if he ever did care about me or it was just a lie. I got my answer when he said i think u know that answer, i wouldnt want u in bed with me by my side if i didnt care. I am just so confused right now and its tearing me apart. is his wanting his independence a sign that he doesnt wanna b with me. i had asked him, do u still wanna b with me, and he said its not that... i am so mixed up coz i cant seem to get any answers and i dont wanna push and call him non stop coz that doesnt get me anywhere, just makes him angry. how do i ask him the right questions. when i tell my friends they tell me to break up. and i dont want to. i want him to be happy and he did make me happy. i just wanna know whats up. please help me.

Hi. Well, you have a lot of growing and upleveling to do in your consciousness. There's a lot going on for you that keeps you weighed down into states of mind that are not productive or clear.

First of all, you live in a state of mind that believes in a lot of blame and guilt. As soon as someone feels something, or does something, you take it personally and go right into "What did I do wrong?" You think that it's your fault when others simply have their own feelings and experiences in life. That's a difficult place to live from, isn't it? When you live in blame, shame, or guilt, you are making judgments upon yourself, and that is not living in a state of self empowerment, self esteem, self acceptance, or love. Then, because you don't feel good about yourself, you look to others to love you and tell you that you're ok. That never works. That's giving your power away to another, like asking someone to breathe for you, or put their blood into your body instead of you doing it for yourself.

Looking to others constantly in a kind of panic to tell you that you are loved and worthwhile is the same thing as having an addiction to "make" you feel better. The only way you can feel better about yourself is to start loving yourself and developing inner strength and power. When you have that within you, and are self generating it, you are not needing anything external to depend on to give it to you. You can share the love you generate with others, as they can share love with you, but you don't need it from them to survive. No one else CAN give that sense of security to you, even if they do love you, because it still has to come from you, or it just falls through the holes in the sieve. You're the only one who can plug up those holes in yourself. That takes courage and inner work, looking within to see what's going on and how to heal it. As I read your letter, I could feel how much you need this reassurance, almost desperately, from your guy and how much you put it off on him to do that for you. That is why, in all probability, he needed space. That's a very uncomfortable and suffocating energy, and it's a burden on others.

When you live with that kind of loss of power, life becomes heavy and weighed down with anxiety and despair. You have a belief going on that you will be deserted, and this was present in your energy field even before you came into this life - I think it has to do with the area of family: you carry a belief that your family deserted you... so, you're basically lonely and very anxious and constantly think that you will be deserted. We create what we believe in. If you continue to hold onto this thought form, you will continue to create situations in life to reflect that belief, or mirror it back to you. It's very, very important for you to realize that.

You create your own reality 100% of the time, and you are not separate from the web of life.

We are all connected, all the time, and so you NEVER can be deserted. However, you can believe that you are, and what we believe in creates our reality for us. It's an illusion you are caught in. A false belief that you programmed into your system. You need to reprogram yourself. What would you rather believe instead of believing that you will be deserted? You've had this issue for a long time. How surprised would you be that this lifetime you can heal it and be done with it? Well, you can. What would it feel like to know that you are connected to all life, to everyone, every moment, in love? Feel that, and you will begin to shift this issue, big time. A good intention to state, 3 times a day for 4 weeks would be:

"All the origins of this problem are healing now! Thank you!"
It is important for you to develop stronger will power. You tend to be somewhat weak willed, and you tend to go into self pity. As you develop your own sense of power, this will change. You need to be able to follow through on what you say you will do. Every time. Start in small ways. Choose something small to accomplish - on your own - and do it. Keep building this up, doing more day by day, until you start to develop a stronger sense of your own power and ability. But whatever you choose to do, make sure you can do it, and then DO it.

Ordering and using the Aura-Soma product, the sapphire pomander to lift one out of suffering would be great for you. You can order it at

Blessings, Ayal

329. "I worry a great deal about not being happy in the future"

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