"I am fearful of being left alone - what is my need?"
I have a boyfriend that I love but when he is away or at work I feel alone and get anxious for his return. I dont want to become controlling over him and nor do I want to seek companionship elsewhere I simply want to work out my fear of being alone. He is very good to me and vice versa but I cant seem to understand my feelings in this area. Do you have any useful advice for me. I am gay.
Hi - It would be good for you to sit in meditation and ask, regarding this issue of feeling anxious when alone: "What is my need here?" Then, you state, with full willingness: "An energy from my heart that would meet my need is now available to me." This way you begin to meet your own needs with your own creative power. Also, there are some unconscious issues going on for you regarding a conflict with moral standards. What this means is, I think that you have some destructive feelings toward yourself, perhaps about being gay, that came from feelings of being rejected by your family. There are a lot of accumulated psychic toxins due to this that need to be cleared. You can imagine all of those toxins in your system being put into a big balloon, and then releasing the balloon into space. I'd do this visualization at least 6 times within a 3 month period. I think that, because you feel destructive toward yourself, you get anxious and yearn for comfort and safety from your partner, to know that you are loved and not rejected and alone. What needs to happen here is for you to start cherishing and valuing yourself and who you are, the beautiful soul that you are. It is very important for you to start acknowledging your own, inner guidance. Meditation helps with this.
You need to release any morbid patterns of thinking, as well as self pity. Learn to cultivate light filled, positive thinking. You have lived a lot in a state of mind that has kept you in separation from others, feeling separate and alone. We are All One, and cultural and/or people's ignorance and prejudices can't dissolve that truth. It would be good for you to read Caroline Myss's book, 'Anatomy of the Spirit', to get more understanding of this.
Begin to live from a place of gratitude, constantly acknowledging who you are, what you accomplish, and what you have in your life.