"I can't forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me, even though we had broken up"
Ayal, i have a problem about a month ago me and my boy friend got back together. we've been together for about three years and this year was the bad year, me and him were arguing almost every day we cant get along at all, then he decided we should take a break so we did that dirent work out so we broke up even though we broke up me and him were still seen each other but not regularly. After we broke up he wanted to come back and I said no to him it hurt me too much that he broke up with me. What hurt me the most was two weeks later he was at a party with friends and he claims he was so drunk that he kissed a girl at the party, he told me that she dirent mean anything to him and he ask me to come back with him and i did, my problem is that even though things are good right now i still cant stop being mad at him. i love him very much i never cheated on him and what he did felt like cheating to me because even though we were not together we were still seeing each other and going out with each other, i even ask him if the other girl mean anything to him and he said no thats why he came back to me. what can i do to help this relationship am i going to stay mad with him for a long time or is it just hard to let go of the past.
Forgiving others and letting go of a hurt is a real challenge. It sounds to me that he is really sorry. Getting drunk is no excuse for doing something stupid, but the issue here is your ability to let go. When you can be kind and gentle with yourself when YOU do something you don't feel good about, then you can also give that kindness and understanding to others. So, I think the issue here is, can you give that kind of love to yourself? When you can, you will see that life will be a lot easier and more gentle for you. We all make mistakes. When we know that we're ok, and we truly value who we are, then when others make mistakes, we're not devastated by it because we already feel safe within OURSELVES. It's not up to him and what he does or doesn't do to make you feel safe. It's up to you. Anger just masks fear. So, what's really up for you is fear. What are you afraid of? What are you really protecting about yourself? ARE YOU AFRAID, FOR INSTANCE, THAT YOU'RE REALLY NOT LOVED, OR GOOD ENOUGH? IT'S IMPORTANT NOT TO PUT YOUR ANGER OFF ON ANOTHER, BUT TO CHECK INSIDE OF YOURSELF TO SEE WHAT'S UP FOR YOU SO THAT YOU CAN HEAL IT AND BE A STRONGER, CLEARER PERSON.
We can't be threatened by what others do if we feel safe and loved from within. If we love ourselves. Then, instead, when someone isn't as clear yet, as they could be, we understand that people, all of us, have a big journey to make in life and we all learning a lot as we go. Now, there does come a time when one must use the power of discernment. What this means is that if a person continues not to learn from their mistakes, or, in other words, to learn the lesson that is up for them to learn, and they do the same thing over and over, then you have to do 2 things:
- You check in with yourself and ask: what in me keeps creating this kind of person, or keeps bringing this same issue to me, in my life? What do I need to see about myself that this person is a mirror of? What do I do that is similar to this? Do I have issues up of not trusting, or believing I will be betrayed, etc.? When you heal that in yourself, seeing or having that problem in others will disappear.
- You may decide or need to end a relationship with someone who is choosing not to grow and change for the better.