"I have a feeling that my friend - who always has a condom with him - will cheat on me"
Hey my name is Toon.
I am 15 years old and going through so many things. I am in a bad relationship now. I mean this guy he really love me but the bad part is that we dont trust each other period. He told me that everytime he come to my house we always do the same thing like sit and talk. That is boring to him and he say he want to do some new beside having sex. I mean I dont know what to. And sometime I feel like that I am not ready for a real relationship. he told me that I aint ready but I try to tell him that I am ready now. he always tell me that he love me a lot and I believe him for that but one day he told me that when the girl all up on him and then when he get horny they is going to have sex. I hate that when he tell me but it is because I had ask him some. I had ask him do he bring condom everywhere he go and he say yes, I was pretty shock but u know what for them simple thing we had argue. I have a feeling that he will cheat on me and I just want to know what can he do ova my house and how can I make this a good relationship.
Thanks for writing in. Well, I'd say this guy is the one who isn't ready for a relationship, and I'll tell you why. A relationship is all about someone being your best friend, someone you can count on to stick by you no matter what. He's the one you can turn to when you have a dream for your life and you need someone to help you get that dream, because he's the one who will say to you: "Hey baby. What can I do to help you get this dream? Tell me and I'm right there with it." A relationship means you can share your deepest secrets with someone, and they really listen and are interested in who you are and what you want to say - and they'll never tell anyone else your secrets if you ask them not to. You can count on them and trust them, each time, to do what they say they will do. If he says "I'll pick you up at 7:00."... well, then he's at the door at 7:00, looking good. A relationship is something where, if you've agreed to be true to each other sexually, well you KNOW he'll never cheat on you because you're his gal and he's your guy and that's just how it is. A real relationship means being with a guy who knows that having you in his life is more important to him, knowing that you trust him is more important to him than anything else. And there's just NO WAY he'd risk losing that.
A relationship is something where, when you run into problems with each other, no one runs away. Instead, they stay there working it out and talking it out until it feels good, being kind and caring to one another. A relationship means that when you're sick, he's the first one there to hold your hand and get you what you need.
I'll tell you what a relationship ISN'T. A relationship isn't something where one person threatens to leave the other because they are bored or want to play around with someone else. That's called blackmail. "Unless you do what I say, or do what I want, I'll leave you." That's a threat. That isn't love. Not even close. Love is an easy word to say. Anyone can say it. But when a man can do all the things I just talked about, then that's love - so when he says he loves you, that's when you know that he's a real man who truly knows what love really is. And by the way, it isn't your job to keep him entertained. Both people in a relationship figure out what they enjoy doing together, and then they go do it. They take into account what the other needs and wants, and they work it out together so that both people feel good.
Here's when a woman is ready for a relationship: when a woman knows she is such a special and wonderful person that she treats herself good. A woman is ready for a relationship when she gives herself the best that life can give - when she knows that she is worth having all good things and good people who treat her right in her life, then she is ready for a relationship. When a woman never settles for something shabby or crappy or mean because she knows she is worth so much more than that, she is ready to be in a relationship. When a woman can say right away to a man who is treating her badly, "Hey - take your sorry ass out the door and don't EVER come back (and mean it) because I KNOW what I am worth - and it sure isn't what you're dishing out!" - then she is ready for a relationship. When a woman ONLY accepts having a man in her life who can treat her as good or better than she treats herself, and do all the wonderful things I talked about above, then she is ready to be in a relationship.
Now there are all kinds of relationships, Toon - but if you want a really great one, that's what it looks like. You yourself said you're in a bad one. Well, I agree with you. Someone doesn't really love or care for you when they're ready to jump into having sex with someone else just because he feels like it. That certainly isn't caring either about your feelings or your health and safety, is it? What if he got AIDS and then came back and gave it to you? That surely isn't love, is it? What if you got pregnant, or some other girl he was with got pregnant? You think he's the kind of guy to stick around, support you, really be there, and be a good father to a child? That's what a real man would do. A real man doesn't play around with things that are as important as making a child, or risk losing the trust or hurting someone who cares for him, does he?
So, my advice to you is grow into being the kind of strong, powerful, loving woman who draws to herself a good, clear, loving kind of man. That's the way you have a good relationship.
Hey! How are u doing today? I am doing fine! I am so boring now and got nothing else to do, so i decided to write you this letter. I dont know about relationship but it seem like I dont want this to end. I dont know do i like him or not but I just found out that I care a lot about him. it just seem like I am ready for everything u know. Sometime the things we do i just be so happy becas he is there but when he's not there I feel like I miss him a lot. But sometime when I see him I dont know what to do and scare to to do thing with him. Maybe becas I am so shy or something like that. I dont know but it seem like I am a girl who is going through so many problems. I mean I have family problems u know.My mom was never there for me and we always argue 24/7. When I woke up in the morning my mom see me,all she do is open her big mouth and yell. I just seem to dont understand what I do wrong. Sometime i feel very sad because she was never there for me but I seem not to complain at all. I try really hard at everything even the thing I love to do. I love modeling and I am going to try my best at it. My mom she never believe in my dream and she told me that I shouldnt waste my time on it, At my model thing my mom was never there for me and I won so many award. It seem like she didnt want to go at all. She say she have to go to work but she got out of work early just to go to casino. I just dont understand and bust out crying. Well I dont know what else to say so bye. And thank you a lot for taking your time to read my email.
Hi Toon - well, you certainly are not getting the love and support you need from the mother. Everyone needs that. It sounds as if you have a great deal to offer the world, and wonderful dreams. I want you to know that you can have your dreams, even if your mother cannot give you the love and support that you wish she could, and I wish she could. However, the truth is, for whatever reasons, due to her own very difficult problems with herself, she can't do that. So, what that means is that you have come into this life to learn how to give that love and support to yourself, and to trust in your dreams no matter what.
When a person doesn't feel loved in their home or family, as you said you feel, there can be a lot of loneliness. What that can lead to is being willing to hook up with anyone who seems to give you even a little bit of attention or even a little bit of kindness. However, a little bit of kindness is not enough, especially if it comes along with a lot of crap. You are used to having a lot of crap from people in your life, and you are used to not being treated well. That can mean that you may settle for having that again, over and over in your life, with others. My invitation to you is NOT to do that, even if it's what you're used to. You are worth so much more than that, and you deserve to have someone in your life, whether it be friends, or a boyfriend, or a husband, who treats you really well, in every way. The way your mother treats you and behaves comes from serious problems that SHE has. It's not because you are bad in any way. The way she behaves is not normal or healthy. And your big challenge in life will be to know that there are better ways to be, and that there are better and much more wonderful relationships that you can have, where people do not yell at one another. There are ways to relate with others instead where people truly love and support one another, speak calmly with kindness and understanding, do not blame one another, or desert one another, but are there for one another in good ways. That's a good challenge to meet in one's life, and if you do, you will create a healthy and happy life for yourself.
Well, life is so hard for me and no one understand me. Sometime I just want to seat down and cry a loud and tell people that they need to love me more and they need to believe the things that i believe. But guess what ? They cant do that one thing for me and I just dont know. Sometime I just want to seat down with someone and we can talk about anything and even the thing I am going through. Well, I use to have a person who is my best friend but now I just dont know. There so many thing that I always tell her and she is someone that I can trust anytime and anywhere but now its like I cant talk to her anymore. It is becas she dont tell me anything. She use to tell me anything and but now she is hiding things from me and it just not fair. I am going through so many thing and all I want people to do is trust me and understand. The most thing I want is that people need to believe in me and give hope. Sometime I just dont know how life goes, I plan so many thing in life but now look at me. I dont even know where I have been through and where life would lead me. People always tell me that if u believe in yourself everything is possible but do u ever know that if they dont believe in you, how would you believe in yourself. Sometime I would look in the mirror and tears would fall down but no one there for me and no one was there to wipe the tear on my face. well i dont know what else to say so bye okie
Hey - my heart goes out to you, dear one. Most definitely you can have your dreams even if no one else believes in them. My family had no idea what I was about - into healing and all kinds of stuff that seemed totally weird to them, but here I am, doing it and hopefully helping others. It is more of a challenge when you don't have the support you need, but you CAN DO IT!! But, you have to love and believe in yourself! Don't ever lose that! That's the most important thing you will ever have in your life. When you have that, really have it, then you will draw to yourself others who will believe in you and love you too. But first you have to have it really strong and true and clear within YOU. Right now I know that things are hard, and I am so sorry that you are so lonely. However, you did find me - someone to send you love and blessings, and that's a great start! so, see - you can find that in your life! Now, it's time to create that even more in your life. You CAN turn that hard stuff around. When you fill yourself up with love and you believe in yourself, your life changes. If you have a belief, however, that no one loves you or that you aren't worth loving, or aren't good enough, then life will be hard for you. Anytime we have a belief like that going on inside of us, we have to find it and change it. Can you do that?
I think you need to read and study the Laws of the Universe found on this site. It talks about how we can create what we want, and what can get in the way of that, and how to deal with the stuff that gets in the way. I think if you read it and begin to understand what it says, it will help you a lot. You may have to read it a bunch of times before you really get it - most people do. I did. It's deep but important stuff for you to know that will really help you out.
Sending you hugs - feel it? Blessings, Ayal