"After rejection because of my appearance I have lost all confidence in my talents"
Hello, I have a question about a dream I had last night. I am certain it is a significant one that explains what is going on with me right at this moment, but I am having trouble interpreting it so that I get the actual guidance from it that I believe I was meant to receive. Can you please help me?
First of all, I am a singer who moved to NYC with an extraordinary gift and confidence and became friends with another singer with less talent and more beauty and she got opportunities that weren't offered to me and then powerful people in the industry told her to get rid of me because I was too fat and would hold her back and that's exactly what she did. After being rejected so often because of my physical self before anyone even heard me sing, I eventually lost my confidence, my artistic inspiration, and my hope in that order and I moved back to my small town. The music and joy have been draining out of me like my life force ever sinse. Not only don't I believe I can became a successful singer anymore, when I open my mouth to attempt to do so, it sounds horrid. I'm scared. But I have managed to lose 60 pounds. She is now famous and I feel stuck.
Now to the dream. I was in ancient egypt and I was pregnant by the king. Another woman was pregnant by him as well and we both were in a room where we were anointed with oil, dressed in fine gowns and our hair was done. We were both nine months and about to give birth any minute. I looked up at the ceiling and saw a shelf with a row of boats. Each boat had a picture of a famous actress on it such as Julia Roberts and Renee Zelwegger. I understood that if you had a picture on a boat that meant you had given birth already (possibly to this king). I was content with my life and then suddenly I was sitting back and saw the king talking to the other woman. I noticed that she was dressed in turquoise which was my favorite color and that I was dressed in gold. I began to feel insecure because I felt that she was being treated special since she was in turquoise and I must have been assigned the second fidder role. I was then determined that I was going to have my baby first and instantly I began to push. Then I noticed that they were checking to see how far she was dialated and they gave her something to bite down on. She wasn't about to give birth but the way I saw it she was getting the attention and I was left to do this on my own. Or that no one cared about me or my child and I began to push harder. I woke up pushing and then realized I wasn't pregnant.
Hi. That is a very clear and vivid dream. It is a good teaching dream for you, and it presents the issue you are dealing with quite clearly. It's quite possible that this person has some past life connections to you in which you were involved then with a similar issue as you are now - competition. If you believe that you have to compete, then you are doubting your own ability and self worth. There is nothing to compete about. There is only you choosing your own fulfillment. That fulfillment is not dependent upon anything other than you being willing to have that fulfillment, to know that your path is filled with light; that it is right for you to have it because it is in harmony with your soul purpose and brings joy - it is all about you KNOWING that that purpose is a good and wonderful thing, like sunlight shining on flowers. And that comes only if you believe in yourself and allow yourself to have it. No one can take your purpose or fulfillment away from you except you. Thinking someone can is a false conclusion based on not loving yourself and not trusting your self worth or your right to have fulfillment. As long as you, yourself, doubt your self worth, you will create situations such as you have described. She is simply playing out the reflection of that belief that you carry - someone must play that role if you think or believe that someone will always take away your place and be favored more than you, and then leave you in the lurch, so to speak. As long as you believe this, you will create situations in which that continues to happen.
So, change the core belief that you have that creates this happening in your life. Sounds as if it's time to do so, as it has presented itself so clearly for you. There is no race to birth anything - there is only your willingness to be all that you are and allow yourself to have it - to know that you deserve it.
Thank you so much for responding to my email. This has been difficult for me because I never felt the need to compete with anyone before this and it is an uncomfortable feeling for me to process. My struggle to rediscover my self worth has been long and tedious and its only been a few weeks since I have been able to admit to myself that I have a competitive problem. I just wondered if you saw what I was seeing or was there more to it. Thank you for taking time out to help.
Well, when you say is there more to it - there is obviously some karma, I think, between you and this woman, but that will dissolve as you change and transform the issue of competition and self worth. If you thank her silently for helping you to work through this issue, and send her blessings, as well as sending blessings to yourself, you will be well on your way. The key here for you is to love and value and trust yourself and what you have come here to do. When you can do that for yourself, you can do it for others as well. We all have beauty to offer life, and that beauty benefits all of us. When you offer into the world what you love, without needing anything in return - when you offer it simply because it is beautiful and adds grace and beauty and harmony into the world, then it returns to you tenfold. Love begets love. The image of the sun offering its light and radiance to all life is a good image for you to meditate on. Your voice and your love of music is a similar thing. Offer it, not from an ego need, which is a sieve trying but failing to be filled, not to be famous or to be self gratified, but for the beautiful and uplifting gift that it is. Allow it to flow out into life and to connect and grace life as it will. Then you will be blessed as well.