"I don't know if my boyfriend will want to return. Am I in denial?"
I think like you do. I take responsibility and realize it's inside of me. And I am stuck. I was with D for 2 years. Not living together. During those 2 years we were together most every weekend. He said he loved me once. I would give him appreciation more than he would to me, but that was OK with me, he has intimacy problems. He was always loving and good to me. I never felt used by him. Recently he asked for space. He always avoided talking issues. Now he has his space. I have hopes of him wanting me back again. At times I wonder if I am in denial? I wonder that he truly loves me and will want to start up again later. I also know I am looking again to date. Since our break up I am getting messages of interest from him. Is it his move? I may be playing victim.
Hi. Well, what is going on here for you has to do with your inner child. You tend to get overwhelmed and then perhaps look to others to love you and take care of you. When you truly realize that the issue is within you, you will see that you have attracted someone who can't truly give you the affection you are seeking because his issue is matching yours. Therefore, you need to look at what issue within YOU would create that happening. There is an issue you have that is termed "unreciprocated affection" - which means that you have a belief that love will not be returned to you, no matter how much you love, or desire it or yearn for it. You feel "deprived" of love. Usually this occurs because as a child we came to a false conclusion that we don't deserve it, will never be able to get it, or that we aren't good enough to be loved. Trust is needed here - trust in yourself that you ARE good enough to be loved, ARE already loved, and will be loved. As you learn to love yourself, and you feel good just being yourself - when you feel totally happy to be alone, with yourself, happily enjoying life and how you go about relating to life, happy to be alive, and in love with life and with your place in it - then that love you feel and radiate out will effortlessly flow back to you... from many areas.
There is an issue of shyness that would be good for you to work on, that deals with a fear of success. What will happen if you succeed? Looking into that question will be important for you. Do you believe you CAN succeed, and if you do, what then do you think will happen? Is it OK to succeed? Somewhere you felt destroyed - your sense of yourself, your trust in yourself, got destroyed. That needs to be healed. Using the formula for changing core beliefs found in the Laws of the Universe on this site would be good to do.
Using the flower essence red clover, to help cleanse and release psychic toxins from charged family situations would be very useful for you. You can order it from the The Flower Essence Society - their number is (530) 265-9163. I invite you to order it and take 4 drops under the tongue twice a day for 5 weeks. Also using the Aura-Soma olive green pomander for courage, positive thinking, and for cleansing and refreshing your space would be good to do. You can order that at firstname.lastname@example.org. Both are great supports for healing. Meditation also would be a good thing for you to get into to learn to find that calm, peaceful center within.
This situation isn't about whose move it is - it's about you changing your beliefs about yourself - changing, in other words, the energy pattern you are living in and radiating out into life. It isn't about what this guy does or doesn't do. It's all about you deciding to make a shift in your vibration. Then life will reflect that shift back to you. Like attracts like. When you move through life calmly, at peace with yourself and knowing that you are living from a place of generating Love, as the sun just generates light and warmth, then you will attract someone who also lives from that place.