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"I don't feel I can put up with the insecurity of my girlfriend any more"

Hi Ayal,

I have a very insecure girlfriend and it's driving me insane the way she is.

We've been dating for a year now and she always thinks that I'm going to leave her. That's when her insecurity starts and it gets me so wound up, that I tell her that I'm going to leave if she carries on making me crazy like that...

I really love her but can't put up with this anymore. What can I do?


Hi - I invite you to read the Laws of the Universe found on the website of Clearing the Way, as well as the article listed at the end of the home page about how we create our own reality. You are coming from the consciousness that someone outside of yourself can "make you" feel a certain way. It doesn't, nor can it ever, work that way. You, yourself, choose how to feel from within, from whatever patterns and thoughts and beliefs you have going on within Yourself. Seeing where those feelings really come from, from those thoughts, or beliefs, is what the journey is all about. It's all about becoming conscious - or Awake. The only way to do that is to look within oneself, because that is the only thing you can change - yourself - how you relate to others and to life; in other words, how you create your life.

The irony of that is that when we change ourselves, the universe changes to reflect how we have changed, since it acts as a mirror for each of us. Thinking it's someone else that "causes" you to feel or act a certain way is victim consciousness. It's never about another person, place or thing. Victims never take responsibility, therefore they never feel powerful in an appropriate way - which is not to have power over people, but to have it within themselves - and therefore they never heal themselves or an uncomfortable situation. Then there is resentment - but the resentment stems from the fact that they were not honest with themselves.

When you can look at the situation you are in - any situation - as a mirror of yourself, a mirror of some issue inside of yourself (for, after all, you chose her for a reason: your energy vibrations matched up); when you can recognize, see, and resolve what the issue is within yourself that created having a girlfriend who is insecure and needy and fearful, who lacks trusting that she is good enough; when you can see that that is a mirror for you of yourself (maybe you have some very similar feelings going on that you have not dealt with yet somewhere) -- then it becomes a gift for you to see yourself more clearly. At that point you have the opportunity for personal growth. Blaming her, or anyone else, at any time for what you feel or experience is a dead end street, both for the possibility of relationship OR personal growth. That's not taking responsibility for what YOU are creating and what's going on within you. It's a distraction, actually, away from seeing oneself.

You both, in all likelihood, have come together to work out some very similar issues. That's how it works. Not to see what that is, is a waste of the gift waiting there for you.

Sounds as if you may need to develop more compassion. For when you threaten someone, as you said you do - that is not a compassionate response. No one can force you to be unkind. That is coming from a choice you are choosing to make. You chose to go to a form of violence rather than compassion, just as she chooses to not have compassion for herself - to see herself in her true power and worth. How come you both are choosing not to be kind and compassionate? Maybe this whole situation got created by you to teach yourself compassion. How surprised would you be about that? When you take responsibility for what you feel and create, and you are kind to yourself no matter what - as you see how you are evolving, struggling, learning, and growing - and when you can be kind to yourself even when you are needy, fearful, or insecure, then you can also pass on that kindness and compassion to others, yes? And that is True Power.

Maybe both you and your girlfriend are here to learn how to do that.

Blessings, Ayal

next 292. "I don't understand why my boyfriend keeps talking to his ex"

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