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"I think that there is a guy for me, but he keeps getting other girlfriends"

I think that there is a guy for me, but he keeps getting other girlfriends and then we get back together. We were both in drug addiction together. We both are now attending church and NA meetings. I know that we both have a lot of things to work on. I feel that even thought he keeps getting involved with other woman, that is something he has to work on. It doesn't change the way I feel about him. He shows me through his actions some of my own insecurities and some of my goodness. I feel he has come into my life for a reason. We are not sexually involved at this time. I want to wait until we get married. What do you think?

Well, it sounds as if you have some strong feelings for him - you went through some important and profound experiences together, when you were at a very vulnerable time in your life, and you feel a bond with him. Sometimes, when we have had a powerful experience with someone, especially when we have felt vulnerable or needy, we want to think that that means there is a permanent relationship there. Sometimes there is, and sometimes there isn't. Sometimes we feel bonded or connected to someone through such an experience, because it was so powerful for us, but they are not feeling the same way.

It may be that he does not want to be committed to someone, as you would wish him to be with you, if his choice is to see other women. Whether or not he is able to fully commit to someone, or if that is something he even wants to do, is not something I can say. Whether or not you choose to wait around to see if this is an issue he is working through, or just who he is, is up to you. What you CAN do, however, is to look at the reality of what is - not what you wish it to be. I think it's important not to think that someone's behavior is "something they have to work through", assuming that there is an issue for them - that's your perception or spin on it - and that once they work through it, then they will be there for you. That's dangerous territory for you, especially since you have an agenda, or need, to be with that person. That can be a rationalization for you waiting around for him to come around, or to his senses - when it may just be that you are telling yourself what you want to hear, and not accepting the reality of what is.

I don't know what the dynamics are of your relationship him with, but dealing with the reality of what is is always a good thing. Then you can make clear choices.

Blessings, Ayal

289. "I feel rejected, uncared for, and discarded by my mother"

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