"I feel rejected, uncared for, and discarded by my mother"
I am a 32 year old woman who has always had a strained relationship with my mother. I don't know how our poor relationship started and I have always been clueless as to why. I have a younger brother and sister. Neither of them were ever treated the same way I was. They were shown much love and respect. Nonetheless, whenever my mother needed me, I was there. Often times, we ended up fussing and fighting, but I was there. I even relocated to be near her because she was feeling lonely. I am one month from getting married. My mother took on the responsibility of paying for part of the wedding many months ago. She recently called to tell me, rather nonchalantly, that she would not be able to fulfill her obligation. Once again, I feel rejected, uncared for, and discarded by her. I got very angry with her and laid into her about the way I have been feeling for years. She doesn't seem to care. She has left me emotionally drained and financially in a serious bind. Please help. Thanks.
Hi - the philosophy that I follow is that whatever is going on in a person's life is never about another person, place, or thing. So, if one then accepts that, one has to look at what internal energetic patterns or belief structures are creating their life situations. That is total empowerment, because we can't change anyone else - but we can change what we put out energetically so what comes back to us matches that pattern.
You have some 2nd chakra issues going on - below is some information on the 2nd chakra, and you can do more healing with this by reading Caroline Myss's book, 'Anatomy of the Spirit'.
There is also some event that happened that created this distortion between you and your mother that has something to do with her husband - the balance of the masculine and feminine got damaged or changed in the family in some way, and perhaps from then on she looked to you to fulfill that masculine role - but whatever she felt toward the masculine in a negative way then got put off on you. You were willing to take on that role, always trying to take care of the little woman, so to speak, and be there for her, as you had the strength to do so, but it hasn't been fulfilling for you, and it certainly did not allow you to receive what a child needs from the mother.
What I suggest that you do is cut the cords to this role or job you took on. Also cut the cords to this way of relating to or taking care of the mother. This isn't cutting the cords to her, per se, but to the energetic pattern and dynamic between you. Read the article on cutting cords found at the end of the home page. Create a new role that you choose to have - one that feels good to you. Visualize that new way of being and of relating... strongly and clearly allow yourself to feel how it would feel, and that way you create it. In the Laws of the Universe found on the site is a formula you can follow for changing old beliefs into new ones.
Also, doing some Holotropic Breathwork sessions (find a practitioner near you via the net ) would be good to release the anger still stored in your body. As you change the energetic dynamics within you, your external life will change as well.
The 2nd chakra: Svadisthana or sacral chakra
(a) The 2nd chakra is the partnership/power of relationships chakra. With the 2nd chakra, energy shifts from obeying tribal authority to discovering other relationships that satisfy, personal, physical needs. Every relationship we develop serves the purpose of helping us to become more conscious.. Relationships are all spiritual messengers. We learn to see ourselves as reflected by the duality. We grow from All is One (the tribe), to being/seeing the other. We learn about life as a Mirror: We learn that we create our own reality, as life is reflected back to us. We must divide - individuate - before we can come back together consciously.
(b) Exploring the power of choice - dealing with duality/significance of opposites so that we come to know ourselves/personal and professional decision making ability and talent.
(c) Independent interactions - giving and receiving physical, mental, and spiritual pleasure. Flow of power between self and others - relationships and their effects on us.
(d) The ability to survive physically and financially on one's own: power, money: ; self sufficiency/personal identity and boundaries/ to defend and protect oneself/ fight or flight/ ability to take risks/ the resilience to recover from loss.
(e) The desire to create, managing creative energy, and contribute - honor one another - managing sexual power/the quantity of emotional and sexual energy.
(f) Love manifests as caring for others to whom we are not connected by blood.
(g) Enables us to generate a sense of personal identity and protective psychological boundaries- the 2nd chakra energy of a healthy physical ego keeps us able to interact with the world of seductive forces (sex, money, other people, etc) without having to sell ourselves.
(h) Our need to control the dynamics of our physical environment. Attachments to authority, money, people, other power sources.
To learn to interact consciously with others to form unions with people who support our development and to release relationships that handicap our growth.