"My mom used to be affectionate but now she is critical and won't listen"
My mom and I - all we do is argue! She feels that I'm never thankful. But sometimes I feel the same,like I can never make her happy. Take school for instance, I try so hard to keep my grades up, and I usually do. About 97% of the time I have all A's, but the minute I get a B, she's all over me about how I'm not trying my hardest, but I have every right to not understand something every once in a while. All my friends say I need to just talk to her, but I can't. You see, every time I prove her wrong at something, or tell her my opinion on what she was saying, she takes it really personally, and flips out on me! She always uses the excuse that "she's the parent" and I know she is, but for some things, that's just not the answer. If I ever ask her for a reason, she says, "Because I'm the parent, and I say so." I know some of what I'm saying may sound selfish, but its just hard, when the person who used to be your best friend, has become your worst enemy. I just want my mom back. The person who used to tuck me in, and say, "Have a good day at school," and scare the monsters away. And I know that people grow up, and move on, but some things deserve to stay a while. I just don't know what to do. I feel like if things don't change, I may not be able to live anymore. I may do something drastic...
Your mom is still learning and growing too - even though she's your mom, she, like all the rest of us, has important things to learn. Right now, she has still to learn that everything that happens in our outside life is just a mirror for what we believe and feel on the inside. In other words, if your mom is blaming you and putting out energy towards you that is full of blame, energy that is telling you that you're not doing it good enough, it's because that is how SHE feels about herself. Because she doesn't think she's doing it good enough, she gets angry at herself, and upset, and overwhelmed, and scared, but then, instead of looking to see how she can change these feelings inside of herself, she puts them off on you. That is called projecting - throwing out hidden feelings you have onto someone else. Many people do it, but it hurts people, and it's a much better thing to be able to see what we need to inside of us that we can change. That way we feel stronger and better about ourselves. Whatever we feel about ourselves that we haven't faced or dealt with in a good way yet, is what we put off on others.
When a person finally understands that, then they don't blame anyone else for what is going on. They look inside themselves to see what they believe about themselves and how they feel about life. Then they can change how they feel and how they act toward others. And that is a good and powerful thing to be able to do.
The only person we can change is our self. Maybe you also have some feelings that you're not good enough. Do you think you do? If you do, it's important for you to know that you ARE good enough, and to start believing that, all the time, every moment, no matter what your mom or anyone else may say or do. When you change what you believe about yourself, you also change what life and other people give back to you, how they respond to you, because the part other people play in your life is to be a mirror to show you what you believe and feel about yourself.
Here's what I invite you to do, and it's a very powerful thing to do. It takes love and courage and strength to do this. No matter what happens - no matter what your mom says or does, quietly, inside of your mind and heart, just say: "Bless you."
Say it with love and kindness, for your mom is just caught up in not knowing that she is good enough, and she doesn't know how to make herself feel better. She thinks that getting out these hurtful thoughts about herself by yelling at you, thoughts that may be so hidden that she may not even know they're there, will make her feel better, but it never does. Deep down, it only makes people feel worse and like themselves even less.
Your mom is here to learn about loving herself. And so are you. When you both can do that, you will have a much easier time giving that love and kindness to others. What you will be doing by saying "Bless you" silently inside of yourself is sending her blessings and love, which people need so much, and it will also help you remember that you are made of Love. When you know that, you don't have to believe it when she's telling you that you're not good enough. It helps you remember that she has this important lesson about life still to learn, and the best thing that you can do is feel kindness toward her, and send her good energy.
When we send blessings to someone, it's like watering a dry plant, or sending someone light to help them find their way. This will help to change the energy between you, and no one even has to know what you are doing. It's sort of like being an invisible little elf who goes around shining beams of light on people. You can do this for anyone or anything - animals, or any situation that doesn't feel good. The energy that happens then is like turning on a light in a dark room. You may not see any noticeable changes right away, but keep on knowing and trusting that it helps. When you do this, you feel good about yourself too, because you are not feeling hurt or angry, but instead are choosing to send love to others - and that always feels great.
Also, so often children think, incorrectly, that it is their job to make their parents happy. That is NEVER your job. Your job is to create your own happiness. No one can EVER make another person feel something. Each person chooses what they are going to feel from inside of them. It doesn't matter what is going on on the outside - it's up to the person to choose how they will feel and respond to whatever is going on. Often, too, parents don't understand or know this, and they tell the child in so many ways that it IS the child's job to take care of them and make them happy, or that what the child does makes them sad, etc. None of that is true. We each CHOOSE what it is that we feel, depending upon how decide to view, or interpret, what we saw. It is up to your mom to also create HER own happiness. It's not up to anyone else, or even possible for anyone else, to do that for her.
So, your only job is to love yourself - when you feel that, you are blessing everyone else as well, because love is a wonderful energy to be around. So, when you feel good and are generating love, when love and joy flow out of you just because that is how you feel, then you are doing the job you are here to do.