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"I am entangled with a married boyfriend who has left me 4 times"

i have been with my boyfriend exclusively for over 4 yrs. i am 44 and disabled by brain cancer. i have a 16 yr old daughter who lives w/me and a 21 yr old son 400 miles away.my boyfriend has left me 4 times. he is still legally married to his children's mother. he asked me to marry him 4 yrs ago. your thoughts?

Well, I'm not sure specifically what you are asking... I think if a man wants to marry another person, he clears the way for that to happen. If this man still wants to marry you, he would need to take the steps necessary to do so. That means getting legally divorced. It sounds to me as if you need to communicate directly with him and ask him where he stands. I'd ask him some pertinent questions, such as:

  1. What stops you from getting legally divorced? Why are you staying married to someone else, yet being in a relationship with me?

  2. What causes you to break up with me? Do you want to resolve the issue or issues that cause us to break up and truly face them in order to get past them? (That means you both must face your own internal issues and patterns which are locked in combat with one another - like rams butting heads, but no one is truly, deeply seeing what needs to be seen - and that creates a situation that seems unsolvable.

  3. Since you come back to the relationship, it seems that you want to continue being in relationship with me, that there is something here for you - is that true? And if so, where do you see this relationship going? What is your vision for this relationship? ( and - you, yourself, need to firmly and clearly state what it is that you want, and what you are willing to accept, or not accept. What DO YOU want?

  4. Do you still want to marry me? If so, then I need for you to get legally divorced and commit to this relationship fully - are you willing to set a date when we will marry, and stick to it?
If he can't commit to these things you need from him, then you may want to ask yourself if this is what you are willing to settle for in a relationship. You may also want to check into whether you feel you are deserving of having a relationship where you are fully loved and someone is fully committed to you. Do you feel that you deserve a relationship that can and will and does commit fully to you? If not, then that is where your own inner healing work lies. You mentioned being handicapped. Does that make you believe that you must settle for what you can get? If you love and accept yourself fully, then you will create having that mirrored back to you in your life.

Blessings, Ayal

259. "How can I be more conscious and change the way I behave with others?"


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