"I am confused about whether to let go a man who won't commit to me"
I was praying for answers and I was lead to the Internet and somehow came across your website and after reading some of the letters I thought you may be able to help me. I am 41 years old and divorced for about 7 years.
I was in a relationship for about three years with a man I with whom I loved very dearly. He got scared during the third year and ran away but during this time would not let me go. I tried to move on as best that I could, but it was difficult with his confusing behavior. He ended up getting someone pregnant and married her. I moved to another state to start a new life and heal. He called me two years after I moved. He had just had another child, built his fortune with over a dozen houses (I had helped him to build his business up when we were together), etc. It was hard to listen as I very much wanted to have a family myself. I told him we need to say goodbye which I did. I went to church and have prayed and worked on my self for the last few years. I was in two relationships since that time. I learned some things and worked on myself some more, but left them for love for myself and the fact that they were not yet ready to face their own issues.
Recently, I was praying more specifically about releasing rejection and finding the right and perfect relationship. Within a week or so of starting these prayers, the man I mentioned in the beginning (call him D) wrote me a letter. I was very surprised and a bit hesitant as to what to do. This man hurt me very much as I mentioned. Is this my answer? Should I call him? I have done the forgiving work and truly have forgiven him. Anyway I called him and we had a nice discussion. He is still married, yet they were at that time going to divorce. He shared with me his reason for leaving me (fear), his mistake at losing a wonderful woman etc, and how he has grown up from what he was (now with two children). He also has started going to counseling and is facing his many issues. I told him I am very proud of him for that. He found the woman he married has more issues than him. (Of course this is all from his perspective.)
Anyway, the feelings between us are very deep. I in no way shape or form want to do anything that would interfere with a marriage. Talking to him alone causes difficulty for me on numerous levels, but I also have a deep love for a long time friend with whom I will always care for no matter what happens. However, I want to do what is right and we have not talked since. He also said he needs to get his emotions and life together as do I. I have suffered emotional pain since, but have been praying about it. Has he really changed? Is he just using this as a backup position? Is he just a commitment phobic who is acting out his stuff? I am very much afraid, unsure and in the dark as to whether or not I should trust him or ever give him a second chance in the future. He should, of course, need to leave first and take the necessary time to be alone and heal himself from his marriage before we would ever get together to slowly begin anything. However, is this the answer to my prayers? in which case I would need to be patient so in the meantime continue working on myself, praying and releasing negative belief/issues, date others and give them a chance and have fun? I have also began working on knowing I can have and do deserve to be loved and have all my needs met now, as he did come to me, but unavailable.
What am I to think? I do not know? I am very confused with this. I don't want to lose something that I love very much, but I also do not want to open myself up to something that may not be right or good for me.
Do you have any thoughts on this? Your insight would surely be helpful here.
Hi. My info said to cut the cords to this man. Whether or not you do that is up to you. But I think that if you choose to do so, your thinking will be much clearer. Right now you're sort of running around in wild circles - should I do this, or that, or this ....what do I do, what do I do!!?? sort of thing. Then you look at your prayers and rush to them thinking this is the answer! All of that can be terribly misleading as it is not coming from a clear, centered place in you. You're overwhelming yourself with too much thinking. What is needed is for you to let go of all this mental masturbation that you're embroiled in and settle down into a grounded sense of yourself. That comes from calmness. I invite you to start doing some deep breathing meditations for 15 minutes, 4 times a day. Breathe slowly and deeply using the complete yogic breath. As you inhale, push your stomach out, then gently pull the air up into your heart, letting it spread like wings to either side of the heart, and deep into the heart, and then exhale, letting it sink back down to the belly and release, letting the belly cave in slightly. As you breathe in you state "I breathe in love", and as you exhale you state "I breathe out peace."
Right now your energy seems to be coming from a place of loneliness and insecurity, and you are frantically trying to find a way to get safe and feel secure, but it's all coming from fear... and from the mind. Also an issue of incompetence showed up that both you and this man are dealing with, that you each feel about yourselves. You need to transform this for yourself. From within. You can never resolve things in life from that place of a fearful mind. Your 1st chakra is out of balance, that which roots you to your own place in the world and gives you inner security and a firm foundation to stand on. Therefore, since you don't have this, you are seeking it outside of yourself in a somewhat frantic way thinking this man can offer it to you. It would be a good thing for you to heal this chakra by visualizing a glowing red, beautifully spinning wheel of light at your coccyx area and asking that whatever needs to be healed, restored, or released, is healed, restored and released. Sit in meditation with this for 15 minutes, twice a day for 4 years. It will connect you in a grounded way, giving you inner strength. It will make a big difference for you in your life.
He's married, dear one, and calling out to you in that same kind of frantic, you ground me I'm feeling lost way. He is responsible for a family now. If he came to you after he was totally free and clear, and with inner strength, as you mentioned, and if he came to you from a centered place within himself, that would be a different level of energy and a different story. Right now you can only attract someone else who mirrors this insecure, unrootedness, and anxiety that you yourself are operating out of. I don't think you need to compound that energy. Keep getting yourself deeply grounded in your own sense of strength, calmness, and security. Then you will attract the same energy in return. He did not "hurt you," per se. It is simply that you both have these issues mentioned above, and clear decision making, living a calm and clear life, does not come from that place.
What also showed up was the issue of hate. Are you feeling some hate for his wife? If so, that needs to be released.
Speak your truth, and I also invite you to order the number 10 essential Aura-Soma oil firstname.lastname@example.org. It will help raise your vibration and help you work through these issues. I also invite you to state this healing intention to raise your vibratory rate, twice a day for 4 weeks:
An important healing tool to use is to sit in meditation and using inner vision, scan one's body, both the front and the back. Energetic cords can be sensed., and some people even have the ability to see them. If you see or sense a cord attached to you from another, or a cord going out from you to something or someone else, you can imagine yourself cutting the cords and allowing the energy to return where it belongs. You can also state this, as you cut the cords:
When the cords have been cut, surround yourself with a beautiful cocoon of glowing, white light, and state: