"Lately I've lost my zest for living and feel tired mentally most of the time"
I don't know who you are or where you are, but possible you can direct me in the right direction... I'm in a valley mood these days... not good. I don't want to continue to experience this... I am a widowed senior over 70 and great grandmother. After my husband's demise in l995 of lung cancer, I gradually became interested in the metaphysical. I took yoga, thai chi and learned reiki... I'm a reiki two. That was in the 90's. Lately I've lost my zest for living and feel tired mentally most of the time... I don't meditate any more, take walks or have much of an appetite for food... I'm basically 'tired'. I live in a small town.
Lately, I've been reflecting on a simpler life (past memories) and the happy memories I have of my husband. None of my family live in the area. Frankly I am weary of what's happening with my immediate family who live miles away and what's happening in in the world in general... Television is no longer entertaining for me... I seldom watch it. The acquaintances I've made in the area are not interested in holistic or metaphysical things... I'm a bit of an eccentric to them... I long to talk with people who 'think' like I do and are interested in alternate medicine or metaphysical things. I have cataracts so I am unable to drive at night. I miss out on seminars or gatherings where people meet for things I'm interested in... I was diagnosed in l989 with MS which thankfully is in remission now. I learned reiki specifically for my own medical condition... Now I don't do reiki anymore. Japanese is not my language... I feel that the intent is what's essential to the Infinite, not the language... I've forgotten the symbols and the language for reiki too as well... I seem to be 'stuck' with these 'feelings'... I secretly long to leave planet earth for the next realm and experience of life - but I have to go on... Nothing to look forward to except my grands and my great grands who are miles away from me... sigh... Sorry that I'm getting long winded but I felt I could share exactly how I felt... Answer me when you can... I'm looking forward to hearing from you... and thanks for taking the time to read this....
Hi - I think that what is going on for you is that you got absolutely devastated when your husband died, which is totally understandable. Since you are still here, however it sounds as if there is still more for you to learn, share, and offer.
I also think that what may be stopping you from moving forward is the issue of emotional dependency. When a spouse dies, the other partner has the huge challenge of going on with their life as an individual once again. That can be extremely difficult after years and years of being with someone, depending on them - the pattern of being a unit has been set in place and has been going on for a long time, and finding one's own way once again can be quite challenging. It can be done, however. Your challenge is exactly that - to find your own way now - to be your own pathfinder and to discover what you love, what you have a passion for, and go do it. There are many many paths in which we can feel useful and needed - there are hurt and lost animals, people, children, battered women, sunsets to paint, volunteer work, more healing to learn about - you name it - it's ready and waiting for you. But if you are still operating out of being emotionally dependent upon another, even if that other is no longer with you - that will stop you from finding your own way. It's time to be dependent upon yourself. You may feel insecure about doing that - but that is what is up for you to triumph over. Now is the time to call forth and develop your own inner strength. Because you feel so insecure, you are giving yourself a lot of reasons not to do this or do that, and you are hiding. You can face that fear and overcome it. But it isn't about cataracts or not remembering the reiki formulas. It's about you facing your fears honestly and not allowing them to overpower you and sink you into negativity.
I think that from these feelings of loss and insecurity, you slipped down into an energy that could be said to come from "the lower self" - this energy of negation and despair, which is creating your weariness. That has gotten you stuck. By writing to me, you are obviously not wanting to be stuck - so, it's time to deal with it. I understand that you are experiencing a great deal of loneliness, and feeling lost and insecure - but, when you give to others, that goes away. I think that you have a lot to give - so how about giving it? Love generates Love. Perhaps it's time to shift the love you gave to your husband to others out into the world who need it. You turned inward with your own despair and felt perhaps abandoned or rejected - but you can choose to let those feelings go and in their place generate Love. Love is always a choice we make - in each and every moment, it's a choice. So - What would love do in this moment for you in your life? What would love do in this moment for others?
It would be perhaps a useful thing for you to cut any cords that are keeping you in the past with your husband - you need to bring your energy back from him and use that energy in present time. This is the moment now - there is lots of love needed on this planet - getting out of the inertia you have gotten stuck in is the key. Even not driving at night - there are still ways to attend seminars. People give one another rides. Do a trade with someone for a ride - offer them a wonderful reiki session. When you give, and feel that love connecting you to others - when you feel that - weariness goes away, and a passion for living returns. You have perhaps been looking for love to COME TO YOU in somewhat of a needy way - a what's in it for me way - but I think that you have to, instead, put it out and give it. This is the opportunity that the universe is offering you. What can you give, instead? How can you be of service to others?
If where you're living doesn't work for you - then move to somewhere that does. It's time to take the initiative - which is you once again living for what is right for you - as an individual. You taking care of you.
It isn't difficult to get a refresher course on reiki - you could offer sessions to those who need it - perhaps offer them at an alternative clinic or women's clinic. You could take a new course in something wonderful - just allow yourself to be in the present moment - not in the past - and honor the life you have while you have it. The key is to be passionate - and passion comes from compassion - and compassion for others is Love. How can you offer love? That is the question. Lots of beings need it. An important opportunity you're being offered. I hope you take the universe up on it.
Many blessings, Ayal