Trans4mind Home Page
Clearing the Way

"I don't want to lose my guy but I fear he will leave me someday"

dear ayal. i have the same problem pam does. i have this great guy whom i have been dating for 10 months. we want to get married some day. but if i continue with my insecurities he will probably leave me someday. i think my insecurities come from my dad. he has always told me i am fat, ugly, dumb, all the bad names he can. and my mom never stands up for me. i dont want to lose my guy is there anything u can suggest i can do so i do not lose my wonderful and loving guy? thank you.


Hi - You experienced abandonment from your father, and that belief that you will be abandoned by the man you love, in this case your boyfriend, is still operating. Your father obviously projected all of his own self loathing onto you, which, as a child, you absorbed and took on. Often someone tries to make another feel inferior from their own, unfaced fears and from a lack of loving themselves.

Now, on the deepest level, you also had to come into this life with the issue of self loathing in order to create having a father with the same issue who would bombard you with that energy. So, the first step is to take responsibility for having that belief operating, and then you can CHOOSE to let it go and create a different, more loving belief about yourself. That is having true Power. I invite you to read the Laws of the Universe and use the formula for changing core beliefs found there. When you have done so, you can also state:

"All the origins of this problem are healing now."
In order to help you visualize new concepts, do some healing work with your 6th chakra, or spiritual eye. In the center of your forehead, imagine a glowing, spinning, indigo wheel of light, and ask that everything that needs to be healed there is healed, and anything that needs to be restored, or released, is restored and released. Ask that this chakra return to perfect form and functioning. I'd do this every day, twice a day for 10 minutes, for 4 weeks.

I also invite you to read Caroline Myss's book, Sacred Contracts to get a sense of who you really are.

Because of this belief you have carried, and also from absorbing it from your father, there are various issues that developed. They are all basically intertwined and stem from the same root cause - so as you deal with your own self hatred and fear of abandonment - which is actually you abandoning yourself by not loving YOURSELF - as you change that into being willing to love yourself and value yourself, they will also heal. When you don't abandon yourself, no one else will, either, as the universe can only reflect what you believe about yourself. Here they are:

A lack of ambition
Feeling discarded
A belief that you have no right to exist
Morbid thoughts
Feeling a lack of recognition (YOU must give this recognition to YOURSELF)
Self esteem dependent on others
You can imagine all of these issues put inside a big balloon of white light, and when you are ready, just release it into the sky and ask the Creator to take that old energy and transform it into radiantly clear, new, loving energy. Then FEEL what it feels like to love yourself, trust yourself, and fill yourself with strength and energy.

One of the affirmations you can say is the following: "I now Promote my own radiant Force of Selfhood!"

I think that since you associate rejection and humiliation with the masculine, and the masculine energy is something that you fear - you expect it to abandon you. So, before that can happen, you abandon it - in other words, when we fear the masculine externally, we also deny our own inner masculine energy. It will be important for you to not reject your own masculine energy. An issue is showing up for you about being TOO feminine - which says to me that your masculine energy within needs to be embraced and developed. In order to do this, you will need to fully face and release, if you choose to, the anger you feel toward your father and the masculine energy. A woman who denies her masculine becomes too soft, too passive, unable to move forward in her life or make decisions, and overly dependent upon others.

There are many ways to get in touch with whatever part of us has been repressed or has become distorted, or out of balance. One excellent method is to do a visualization where you find some quiet, alone time. Put on some gentle, soothing music (instrumental, no voices) and, after becoming quiet and relaxed, breathing deeply and gently for a few minutes, with eyes closed, you ask to see and speak with your feminine side. Then you Trust whatever shows up for you - whether it be impressions, or information, or thoughts, or a visual image, or a flash of memory or understanding. You then hold a conversation with this part and ask it what it needs, what may be troubling it, asking how you can help it to be more available to you, or more healthy. Then you also do this with your masculine side. As you work and directly connect with both parts of yourself, you will create a new and healthier, more dynamic balance between them. You can then ask them to converse together, with each other, to share with one another what is needed also to create a symbiotic and complimentary, safe, trustworthy, wholeness between them. What is revealed may prove to be quite interesting. It is a good practice to do this checking in now and again to continue the healing and the growth process. This allows a healthy evolution of the masculine and feminine aspects of oneself. It creates a highly functional relationship between them, which then allows one to create healthy relationships in the external world. Working in harmony, honoring the gifts which each aspect of our being brings to us, creates a dynamic and healthy, well balanced life.

Using the deep red Aura-Soma pomander for grounding, protection, re-energizing would be very good for you. Also ordering and using the violet St. Germain quintessence which transforms negative energy to positive ones and allows these new energies to come through us would be great. Order them at

Blessings, Ayal

next 240. "Though I want to be with my partner I do not trust him"

Click here to donate & send a question to Ayal:
Clearing the Way   |   Laws of the Universe   |   Recommended Links
Copyright © 1997-2019 Trans4mind Ltd
Terms of Use & Privacy Policy       Email Webmaster