"Even my best friends are abusive and undermine me"
I am a freshman in high school and I already see a troubling pattern in my life that makes me very sad. In my family, there is this older person who is extremely manipulative. If she doesn't get her way, she yells, threatens, screams and does power play ("you need me because I have more money") all of this being directed toward the family before I was born. Once I was born all of this, every bit, has been focused on me. For some reason she needs me specifically to put her on a pedestal and treat her better than I treat myself or suffer the consequences. She was so transparent that I saw through her at three years old and never gave her what she wanted. I refused to compromise myself. It's as if i had some jealous older sibling who was threatened by the love, support and affection I received - but I have no sibling. Also once I was born it seemed to awaken everyone to what kind of person she was. They saw her for the first time.
My earliest memories are of me being told how inferior, inadequate and unimpressive I am. I still hear these statements even in silence. When I get awards for getting straight A's or for singing opera, or for my choreography, these negative statements play in my mind like mantras. She tells me even though i have "some skill" my lack of beauty will prevent me from succeeding. My parent recently began traveling internationally for their, so I have been left in the hands of this person who undermines me at every turn. She wants me to act, dress, talk and think like her and since I don't, she insults more for being my authentic self. It is very hurtful . On my first night with her, she got in my face pointing her finger and told me I'm not better than her and to never forget it.
For the first time I am struggling in school (I am on a plan to graduate two years early and start college) and my creativity is zilch. This disturbs me, but the worse part is every single female I have ever befriended (even my very best friend) has been the same way with me. At first they want to be around me because they say I am "so strong and full of power" and than they begin to try to control me in some way and when they are unsuccessful, they continuously insult my physical appearance. They try to control me by 1) they want me to put them on a pedestal and they want to be treated like the star of the relationship, 2) they want me to give them their way no matter what the cost, 3) they want me to treat them better than I treat myself.
Worse than that I keep them in my life until they finally leave on their own. I read the "laws of the universe" and for the first time I understand that I did this to myself. So now when I befriend someone and she begins to try to control me in the same old ways or insult me, I end the relationship. But the point to me is I still attract this kind of person so I guess I haven't figured something out. My ex best friend's abandonment haunts me the most. I miss her, I'm angry at her, and I still love her. She refuses to speak to me just because I wont let her control me and yet I still feel some bond to her that I want to break NOW. I went to a metaphysical store that sold crystals and I started talking to the proprietor and I began to cry and she told me I should send this older relative the energy of love instead of constant resistance. Well I have been doing this and she had gotten worse. With my resistance down, she had become physically abusive and even spit on me because I didn't want to go shopping and chose to practice my singing instead. Now she tells me I am to blame for all her misery in life and that she and my parent got along just fine before I showed up and ruined everything. Please help me.
Hi - First of all, you said that after you read the Laws of the Universe, you understood that you created this, and so you ended relationships when you saw that people were trying to control you. That isn't what the info in the Laws is about. The Laws says that you have to see that whatever is happening in your outer world reflects some issue or belief or judgment that YOU hold- all the outer world does is reveal the issues YOU have or thought forms YOU believe in. that is what has you create relationships that have that energy. It doesn't say just end the relationship. That doesn't solve the problem. Until you have changed the energy and beliefs inside of yourself, you will still attract the same kind of energy. Right?
So, what would have you constantly bringing people into your life with control issues, or people who treat you with such abuse? It's not about them. Remember the 2nd law in the laws of the Universe? It's never about another person, place, or thing.
So, here are some issues for you to transform within yourself. You can use the formula for changing core beliefs found in the Laws of the Universe info to change these patterns into ones that are beneficial:
- Lacking acceptance of yourself: if you lack acceptance of yourself, guess what you will create? And, you HAVE created that - you do have that mirrored back to you big time in the form of the older relative - she totally mirrors for you non acceptance in an extreme way. She even says you shouldn't have been born, which is about as non accepting as you can get. So - it seems to me that your own issue of not accepting yourself must run pretty deep.
I am also getting that this is an ancestral issue - when an ancestral issue shows up, it means that the person incarnated into a specific family which had this pattern so that they can see it and work it out. When you work through such an issue and heal it, it does change it for 6 generations back and 6 generations forward. This older relative obviously has this issue in her as well, in a very unclear, unconscious, and extreme manner. To heal this on the ancestral level, sit in meditation and ask to see where this issue began in your family line. Then, when you have received information about it, in whatever way it presents itself to you, ask that the Light and Unconditional Love of God, the Violet Ray of Transmutation, be shined onto that situation and into the DNA of everyone connected to this issue in your family, including yourself. Let that energy just bathe the DNA of everyone and just allow the transformation to occur as it will.
As far as your older relative seemingly, according to you, getting worse as you send love to her, there are other issues that must be dealt with first in you before that really works for you. Right now, the place you need to send acceptance and love to is yourself. Then your outer world will reflect that back to you.
- A belief that you must live in conflict. This also involves an energy of pessimism that you carry around. You have, up to now, chosen to see and believe that things won't work out, and you live in a lot of fear and sadness rather than putting your energy into trusting that things do work out. It is important that you open yourself to God's clearing energies - that you open yourself to a Higher vibrations. You can ask in meditation how to do this. Simply by stating that you are willing and ready to do so, and then becoming open and being willing to receive, is a huge part of your healing. You can say this:
"I sponsor myself to the Creator, the Cosmic All, the Masters, and the Creator Entity to have God's clearing energies to remove all adversities to the planes."
- An addiction to feeling and being alienated. As these issues are presented to you, take one at a time and just work with it using the core belief formula, until you feel that it has transformed. Then move on to another one. Take your time with this and do not be hasty or anxious. Healing has its own timing. Just be in a state of allowing it to happen, and trusting that all is going well, as it is meant to be. Explore it, see what emotion comes up with the issue, and release the emotion in a safe and appropriate way, like allowing a wound to be cleaned out. That will then make room for other possibilities, other, more beneficial emotions, to be felt and integrated.
- A belief that the family will reject you. A good intention to state while healing and transforming this one is: "God, thank you for healing all the origins of this problem."
- A fear that you are incompetent. There are some issues showing up with this that have to do with your own sense of self identity - with a lot of self doubt of who you are. That is why I think you end of feeling pushed around and controlled by others. You must sit in the driver's seat, so to speak, of your own car and drive it yourself. If you don't trust, deep down, that you are competent, then you will give way to others - you will vacate the driver's seat, in other words, and allow others to take over that position in your life. You speak in your letter of what these friends demand that you do, how you must treat them etc., but it isn't about that. It's about you not valuing yourself and allowing others to be abusive to you in some way. That means that YOU are not giving yourself the loving energy that you need. Their abuse is only a reflection of you not loving yourself and knowing who you are. Those relationships are simply a reflection that you give your power away to others. It is important for you to develop a stronger sense of who you are and not be "weak willed." This is a 3rd chakra issue and has to do with taking responsibility for making decisions. It would be very good for you to read Caroline Myss's book 'Anatomy of the Spirit', focusing especially on the chapter about the 3rd chakra and the 5th chakra.
A good remedy to take during this time would be the flower essence mustard. This helps to heal issues of feeling overwhelmed by a black cloud, depression, etc. You can order it from The Flower Essence Society at (530) 265-9163. Take 5 drops twice a day, under the tongue, for 3 months.
Also, using the emerald green Aura-Soma pomander for finding your own space and going to the heart of things, as well as the St. Germain quintessence which is a catalyst and helps to transform negative energies into positive ones would be great for you I strongly invite you to order all of these products. You can order the Aura-Soma ones at : (830) 935-2355.
It is also important that you cut any energetic cords that are attaching you to others, or coming from others to you. To do this, scan your body, front and back, and sense if you can, any cords going either out from you to others or from others to you. Then take an imaginary scissors and cut them all, allowing all of your energy to flow back into you. Then, surround yourself with a glowing white light. You can also say this:
Do this whenever you feel yourself getting embroiled in the energy of others.