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"Mother and daughter problems"

Dear Ayal-

My daughter and I... It seems like a constant struggle. I long so greatly for peace in our home, but there seems to be so much agitation between us so much of the time. I feel like her ego is too much for me! She doesn't seem to have the respect for me and others that I feel I had as a child. Any words of wisdom?


Hi - Relationships between a mother and daughter can be very strained if the mother is triggered by something she sees or feels in the daughter. Often our children are reversed images of ourselves - they can reflect for us what we are looking for to complete ourselves, what we do not have in ourselves, or they may reflect parts of us we do not like, our shadow side. We also may reflect that for them. You may be feeling triggered by some anger you sense in your daughter.

The issues of attachment and apprehension showed up - it seems there may be feelings in you that are concerned with how you think you ought to be as a mother, and if you are trying to live up to someone else's ideas of what that ought to look like, you will always feel apprehensive that you are not doing it right. You may want to check in with yourself and see if you have a tape playing in your mind from someone else about what a mother should be. Or, you may have developed unrealistic expectations of yourself regarding how you think you ought to be as a mother.

There is a strong need for you to release your attachment to anxiety. Anxiety seems to be the key here. One way to do this is to continually offer yourself positive thought forms when an anxious one shows up. Replace your anxiety with trust in yourself and the universe each time, until you retrain how your mind works. Also, it is important that you call your spirit back to you from anywhere you may have felt anxious in your life. It's important that you are able to discharge or safely release your anxiety somewhere other than in the home space or around your daughter. Having a support group or therapist or someone safe to talk with will be a big help to you.

There is an issue here of competition between you and your daughter. My sense is that your daughter really needs the space cleared of this anxiety, as it makes her feel unsafe and discarded by you. Your attention cannot truly be focused on her in a way that feels safe and loving to her if you are dealing with a lot of anxiety. So, in some way, she may feel she has to compete with your need to feel anxious for your attention. It can turn into a vicious circle - you sense her anger because she senses your anxiety and feels unsafe. Then you become more anxious, and so forth. The important thing is to get out of this loop.

A good help for your daughter at this time would be the flower essence goldenrod. This can be ordered from the Flower Essence Society at 530/265-9163. This remedy is helpful when people create barriers to social contact through repulsive behavior or the need for negative attention. It is also showing up that your daughter has some soul loss. A soul retrieval session would be helpful as well.

Best wishes, Ayal

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