"I'm scared to say no, even when I know it will hurt me"
hi im 21. i think my mom had a partner and she lied to my dad 10 years back. from that time my dad has not been trusting her n there r fights at my place since then we r a family of 5. i m always scared to say no to any one even when i know that this thing will hurt me. anyways my mail problem. i get carried away by people very easily as i m a emotional fool. people use me because of this even my own brother does. i wanna control on this help. i m determined on what i have written above. help me.
Hello. I'm glad that you are determined to heal your issues. That's the best and most important place to start from. I think that the reason you "get carried away by people" and feel that you are an "emotional fool" in this regard is because you are lonely. The issue of feeling that no matter how much love you put out to others, it won't be returned, is showing up for you. You want, I think, with all your heart, to live in a loving environment, and be able to share real love and real kindness and honesty and clarity in relating with others, and that is not something that you have been able to experience so far. They haven't been safe enough, or clear enough people to do that with, and you haven't felt safe enough, or clear enough either, to be able to do it.
That's a very painful and difficult place to live from. And that may be why you let people do what they want with you, in the hopes that they will then care for you and love you. You think that maybe that way you'll be loved and finally feel safe. Does that ring a bell? That's part of it. The other part of it is this: the reason that you are scared to say no to others is that you are afraid of their anger. You mentioned that there were a lot of fights in your home since you were 11 or so. That can be a very, very frightening and scarring thing for a child to experience, and sometimes we will then do anything in order not to have to face that kind of anger again. We feel helpless around it, even as an adult, because as a child that's how it felt, and the little girl inside of you is still terrified of it, even though now you are older. This terror is so great that you even let other people walk all over you or take advantage of you, even if it will hurt you, as you mentioned...right?.
You have, due to these experiences, become a placater - someone who is very anxious and who will do anything to keep the peace in order not to be in that frightening energy of rage and anger any more. What happens then is that you submerge your own anger and your own feelings, your own needs and desires, your own sense of what is right for you. That cripples your sense of self, your own sense of who you are, and it cripples your ability to take care of yourself by standing up for what you know is right. That isn't good for you.
What you are needing to experience is warmth and calmness and healing in human communications. The analogy would be of a dog that cringes when someone comes near him because he is so used to being yelled at and beaten. He tries to wag his tail in the hopes someone will see his love and not want to beat him anymore, but what he needs to do is trust his own strength and get out of there. He needs to create a better environment in which to live. What he would need to heal is to be in a calm and peaceful environment for a long time, where people know how to relate to him with kindness and soothing tones of voice. Then he can relax and begin to trust in a clearer way, instead of giving in to people. Trusting and giving in to others are 2 totally different things. Trusting means that you are strong in yourself. You know who you are and you have learned to use your power in a good way. You know that everything is all right because you have the strength and power to take care of any situation in a good, clear way, a way that allows you to feel good about yourself and a way that is healing and good for others at the same time. You know how to live in such a way, that you create win win situations for everyone. That means taking care of yourself, knowing what's right for you, and relating with kind words, but also with firmness about what you know to be right, to others. When we do that, that allows clarity and truth and love to truly flow between people. Then our relating is honest, good, and clean.
There is a need here also for you to become what is called "receptive to Grace." This means allowing Divine Spirit to bring beauty and kindness into your life - it means allowing yourself to receive blessings.
Using the yellow aura soma pomander, which is a sweet smelling perfume like product but which has clear, healing vibrations in it to help you feel this Grace, would be good for you. It is an antidote for nervousness and negative thoughts, and brings back laughter, clarity, courage, and sparkle to life. You can order it at aurasomausa-la.com/. Also, using another Aura-Soma product, the magenta quintessence, for bringing beauty back into your life, would be great for you.
Keeping a journal or doing some writing of some kind would be really good for you as well, to see in words who you are and what you really feel. Getting in touch with what YOU feel and want and choose, instead of doing what others want you to do because you are afraid of them, will be important for you also.
Taking a flower essence, which comes in a little glass bottle that you take drops from, would be good for you also. Flower essences are very gentle, made from the energy of flowers, that help heal various issues. You need to order and take one called cherry plum, which helps to heal fear and allows faith and trust in Spirit to come in. You can order that from The Flower Essence Society. Their # is (530) 265-9163. I invite you to take 5 drops under the tongue twice a day for10 weeks.
This is a good start. At some point, as you move deeper into this healing process, you may find that as your hidden feelings come out, being able to talk them through with a therapist would be very good for you. These products will, in the meantime, get you started and offer you some support. I hope that you are no longer living at home where the anger and fighting is. It will be important for you to put out your intention to Spirit to find a place to live where you can experience people being kind and clear and trustworthy with each other. If you allow Grace to come to you from Spirit, you will be guided to a living situation like that where you can heal. Let that Grace and blessing come to you, from Spirit.