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"How can I make my boyfriend love me more?"

Dear Ayal,

I'm only 20 this year, but it seems that I'm facing lots of relationship problem. I'm very depressed. Sometimes I even wish to commit suicide. I don;t have a suitable friend to talk to, and once I talk to them, they will like asking me to break off with my boyfriend. They don't even understand what is Love. I really love my boyfriend but he seem to be very unfaithful to me. I can't leave without him cause i really really love. He has been lying to be for 2 years. He told me that he has been fooling around a this while. I pretended to accept what he said...but actually i can't. I'm so depressed. He still going out with his ex girlfriend without telling me. I don't expect him to tell me everything and what he did...but at least he tell me honestly. I seriously can't accept what he told me last night. I don't understand why he want to lies to me so much. I wonder he lies because he love me too much and doesn't want to hurt me or something else. Me myself, i admit...sometimes might be a bit rough...get angry really easy...but I told myself...I'll do whatever to him. The worst part is...he never said something sweet to me, he never make me happy. I do all my best to him but he never. How to make him love me more. There are too much to tell you. Although he is not my husband yet...but I'm really into this relationship. I love him so much so much. I thought of revenge...but I can't. I don't want to do something sorry to him. He never call me automatically...even some basic things that a couple must do...he can't even do it. He can do it with other girls...but not to me. How can I change him? Help me. Please.


Hi - You can't change him. You can only change yourself. Your only job is to take loving, great care of yourself. Everything else works out from that. There are a lot of conflicting things going on here for you. You know that he is not really a good boyfriend to you, at all. You know that he doesn't act the way a good boyfriend would, yet you still want the relationship. This tells me that you don't think very highly of yourself. You are settling for scraps, for infidelity, and for lies. If we love ourselves, which is the main place we have to be able to get love from, we don't allow someone to treat us badly, or lie to us, or be unfaithful. We don't choose to be with someone who does that. We know that we are worth more than that, that we deserve better, and that we can find someone better. When you love yourself, you will attract someone to you who will also love you. If you don't love yourself and if you treat yourself badly, then you will draw someone to you who will do the same. This guy - you may be attached to him, or believe that you need him, but he doesn't sound like a very clear person to me. Now, the clearer you become as a person, the better, more clear person you will attract to be with you. Your job is to get clear and work on yourself. Do you believe that you deserve to be or will be treated badly? Do you think people will lie to you and mistreat you? If you have these beliefs, then that is what you will create coming to you in your life.

I think your depression comes from not feeling good about yourself. This, then, I believe, is your work. You need to clear up whatever is inside of you that has you not feeling good about yourself. It isn't about anybody else. It isn't about what this guy does or doesn't do. It isn't about whether you are in relationship with him. It's about you being the clearest, best being you can be. What do you need to do to start along that path? Writing in here was a great first step. Trust yourself that you know what to do to take great care of yourself. Ask Spirit to guide you and show you the way, where to go to get the support and guidance that you need to do this. Then, after doing your inner work, (and starting at 20 is a great time to start!) you will create a wonderful relationship for yourself. When you do this work with yourself, and you become a clear being, that is also a gift for others who come into your life, because it shows them that if they choose to, they can do it too. Let your inner light shine! It's there, all right. It's just been covered up. When you find your inner light and beauty, and you love who you really are, then life works out in a wonderful way.

Blessings, Ayal

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