"I have problems with expressing my masculine energy"
I have problems with expressing my masculine energy. I don't know if I understand which part that represents but I always find myself compromising what I want and believe so that I won't offend anyone. When I was a child I couldn't express myself... my stepfather would mimic me when I cried... I had to hide my feelings so that I wouldn't get in trouble. I am very controlling in my relationship and when I don't control I am very angry. As a teenager I had a lot of anger that I took out on my mom through emotional outburst because I blamed her for allowing my stepfather for mentally and physically abusing us. I can not fully relax when I have sex with my fiancé. My body is very tense (I wasn't sexually abused as a child). I can often identify when someone else is being taken advantage of but have a hard time voicing when I am being taking advantage of.
I also have my dreams analyzed, and last night in my dream my masculine energy came to visit me. 1st appearance, it tried to force open the door of my home. I pretended I knew who it was and took off running away from it. 2nd, the beginning of the dream repeated itself and when I heard the footsteps, instead of waiting for it to force the door open (which scared me), I opened the door and saw it and it said to me "I came to help you". Do you know any exercises I can use to integrate it into me or to bring it from the suppressed state?
Hi - One exercise that you can do is to vision with both your masculine and feminine energies. Here is some info and some techniques on how you do that. There is also a wonderful meditation which balances the poles of the body, and this too, I think, will help you to integrate the masculine in a gentle and loving way. It is called the Merkaba meditation. I am including the info on that, also, but I listen to the CD of it, which is absolutely wonderful, and I strongly invite you to order it from www.drunvalo.net.
It will also be important for you to accept and understand what was the brilliance and purpose for you in this life to have these experiences. Our soul creates situations for us to learn and evolve. I invite you to read the Laws of the Universe and to play with what your soul was teaching you by your creating being a part of a family where these difficult situations occurred. When we can get to a place within ourselves where we accept that we created our own reality for a specific purpose, we are then able to move from feeling victimized and angry and powerless which also manifests as the opposite need to control) into knowing that we are the Creator. Then we move beyond blame and shame and guilt into acceptance and love. This will be an important step for you.
The balance of male and female make us whole. We all have a feminine side and a masculine side to us. In Jungian psychology, it is termed the anima and animus: the male has an inner feminine, while the female has an inner masculine. This makes total sense, as we all come from both the masculine and the feminine - a mother and a father - egg and sperm. Neither is more or less important than the other - they simply offer us different and very necessary parts of our being.
The aspect of the masculine contains (in brief) the more rational, direct, practical, assertive qualities, while the feminine is the creative, intuitive, feeling, visionary part. The feminine also contains the ability to look inward, as the masculine quality is outward directed. Being introspective is a crucial aspect of who we are. In our society in general, the feminine aspect of our being, (as with women in general), has been labeled "less than." For a man, in some ways, showing feminine qualities, or feelings, as you expressed in mentioning the wall you created around yourself, has even been forbidden. If a man is seen as sensitive and introspective, he is laughed at and labeled a wimp. Therefore it becomes dangerous to show feelings or let others in, as there is a great fear of ridicule and rejection. Why this has come to be is a long story, but the gist of it is, how unbalanced and crazy it is to think that a half of our being is stupid, less than, or something to be demeaned. It is clear as crystal that one without the other doesn't work to create life, whether that means a literal life, a child, or our own creative, balanced, healthy life as an individual.
The old and unbalanced masculine programming that most men were given tells one that when you are introspective you are doing something wrong. Your feminine part that knows you must go inward to be a clear human being.
If a man gets very much out of balance by denying his feminine inner self, he will most likely have difficulties in two areas: (1) he will not be able to be in touch with his feelings, and (2) this can lead to difficulties in relationships with others, not to mention oneself. Sometimes a man, or woman, who denies her feminine, may substitute the lack of warmth that they feel for ambition and live a mostly analytical way of life. Mind over heart, in other words. While the rational certainly has its place and is an extremely important aspect of our being, without heart it becomes hard and cold, perhaps overly ambitious, as it substitutes warmth for ego attainment and accomplishment. Often a man who has a wounded masculine or feminine part, who has been abused, will usually compensate for this by becoming overly aggressive and abusive himself, which comes from a deep place of fear and insecurity, or else he will lose his masculinity and become timid and withdrawn.
You incarnated into a family that has abuse as a major issue. You can end that cycle by healing it within yourself. No one needs to be abused or attacked. When we understand that life is a precious gift, to be cherished and honored and treated with gentleness and compassion, then we move beyond abuse of any kind, whether to oneself or toward anything else. This issue is all about moving from pain into Love - to realize that we can learn our lessons gently with respect and love toward oneself. As we learn to honor life and to do no harm, we give that gift of compassion to ourselves as well as others.
There are many ways to get in touch with whatever part of us has been repressed. One excellent method is to do a visualization where you find some quiet, alone time, put on some gentle, soothing music (instrumental, no voices) and, after becoming quiet and relaxed, and breathing deeply and gently for a few minutes, with eyes closed, you ask to see and speak with your feminine side. Then you Trust whatever shows up for you - whether it be impressions, or information, or thoughts, or a flash of memory or understanding. You can hold a conversation with this part and ask it what it needs, asking how you can help it to be more available to you, or more healthy, etc. You can also do this with your masculine side and, as you work and directly connect with both parts of yourself, you will create a new and healthier, more dynamic balance between them. You can ask them to converse together, to share with one another what is needed also to create a symbiotic and complimentary wholeness between them. What is revealed may prove to be quite interesting. I would invite you to do this checking in now and again to continue the growth process.
It is a timely issue, as it IS time for all of us to be in and create a harmonious balance between the male and female parts of ourselves, to get beyond the duality of conflict into wholeness, where the whole is greater than the parts. We have become polarized, the male and female struggling against one another, out of touch with one another, with no tools to bridge the gap, and we see this in the high divorce rates. In reality the male/female balance ought to be seen as a oneness, both beautiful, both equal, but different parts of a greater whole.
Merkaba Meditation according to Drunvalo Melchizedek
The Teaching On Spherical Breathing
Like the sun, we must breath, radiating out to all life. And from all life we will receive our manna.
Begin by creating a place in your home that is used only for this meditation. Make a space where no one will walk through or disturb you, possibly in your bedroom. A small altar with a candle and a cushion or pillow to sit upon may be helpful. Make this place holy. It is here that you will learn to create the MER-KA-BA around your body and make conscious contact with your higher self.
Once each day, enter into this meditation, until the time comes when you are a conscious breather, remembering with each breath your intimate connection with God.
To begin the meditation, first sit down and relax. Let the worries of the day go. Breathe rhythmically and shallow. Be aware of your breath and relax. When you feel the tension begin to fade, begin to open your heart. Feel Love. Feel Love for all life everywhere. Continue to breathe rhythmically, being aware of your breath, and feel the Love moving through your spirit. When the FEELING of love is in your beingness, you are ready to begin to move towards the experience to the MER-KA-BA. Without this Love, no amount of knowledge will create the MER-KA-BA. To the degree you are able to Love, will be the degree you will be able to experience the MER-KA-BA.
The following is an overview of the meditation to reach the MER-KA-BA. There are seventeen breaths to reach completion. The first six are for balancing of the polarities within your eight electical circuits, and, also, for the cleansing of these circuits. The next seven, which are quite different, are to re-establish the proper pranic flow through your body, and to recreate Spherical Breathing within your body. The fourteenth breath is unique unto itself. It changes the balance of pranic energy within your body from third dimensional to fourth dimensional awareness. The last three breaths recreate the rotating fields of the MER-KA-BA within and around your body.
The instructions: The following instructions will be broken down into four areas: MIND, BODY, BREATH and HEART
FIRST BREATH: Inhale
MIND: Become aware of the male star tetrahedron the apex facing up to the sun, the point facing to the front for male, the point to the back for females) filled with the brilliant white light surrounding your body. Visualize it the best you can. If you cannot visualize it, sense or feel it surrounding you.
BODY: At the same moment of inhalation, place your hands in the mudra of your thumb and first finger touching. Remember, lightly touch your fingers, and do not allow your fingers to touch each other or any other object. Keep your palms facing up.
BREATH: At this same moment, with empty lungs, begin to breath in a complete yogic manner. Breathe through your nostrils only, except at certain places which will be described. Simply put, breath from your stomach first, then your diaphragm, and finally your chest. Do this in one movement, not three parts. The exhale is completed either by holding the chest firm and relaxing the stomach, slowly releasing the air, or by holding the stomach firm and relaxing the chest. The most important aspect is that this breathing must be rhythmic. Begin by using seven seconds in and seven seconds out, but as you get familiar with this meditation, find your own rhythm. The following instructions for a complete Yogic Breath are from "the Hindu-Yogi Science of Breath" by Yogi Ramacharake. Perhaps this description will be helpful.
Exhale quite slowly, holding the chest in a firm position, and drawing the abdomen in a little and lifting it upward as the air leaves the lungs. When the air is entirely exhaled, relax the chest and abdomen. A little practice will render this part of the exercise easy, and the movement once acquired will be afterward performed almost automatically.
MIND: Become aware of the female tetrahedron, (apex pointing to the earth, point facing to the back for males, point facing to the front for females), also filled with the brilliant white light.
BODY: Keep the same mudra.
BREATH: Do NOT hesitate at the top of the inhalation to begin the exhalation. Exhale quite slowly, approximately seven seconds, in the Yogic manner. When the air is out of the lungs, without forcing, relax the chest and abdomen and HOLD the breath. When you feel pressure to breathe again, after about five seconds or so, then do the following:
MIND: Be aware of the flat equilateral triangle at the top of the female tetrahedron located in the horizontal plane that passes through your chest at the sternum. In a flash, and with a pulse like energy, send that triangular plane down through the female tetrahedron. It gets smaller as it goes down and pushes out the tip or apex of the tetrahedron all the negative energy of the mudra or electrical circuit, a light will shoot out of the apex toward the center of the Earth.
The Mind exercise is performed along with the following BODY movements...
The next five breaths are a repeat of the first breath with the following mudra changes:
The first part, the first six breaths, the balancing of the polarities, and the cleansing of your electrical system is now complete. You are now ready for the next part, the next seven breaths.
Here an entirely new breathing pattern begins. You do not need to visualize the star tetrahedron at this time. Only the tube that runs through the star, from the apex of the male tetrahedron above your head to the apex of the female tetrahedron below your feet, needs to be seen and worked with. This extends one hand length above your head and one hand length below your feet. The diameter of YOUR tube will be the size of the hole formed by YOUR thumb and forefinger touching.
BREATH NUMBER SEVEN: Inhale
MIND: Visualize or sense the tube running through your body. The instant you begin the seventh inhale, see the brilliant white light of the prana moving down the tube from the top and up the tube from the bottom at the same time. This movement is almost instantaneous. The point where these two light beams meet within your body is controlled by the mind and is a vast science known throughout the universe. In this teaching however, we will only be shown what is necessary , that which will take you from third to fourth dimensional awareness. In this case you will direct the two beams of prana to meet at your navel, or more correct, within your body at navel level, inside the tube. The moment the two beams of prana meet, which is just as the inhale begins, a sphere of white light or prana is formed at the meeting point about the size of a grapefruit centered on the tube. It all happens in an instant. As you continue to take the inhale of the seventh breath, the sphere of prana begins to concentrate and grow slowly.
BODY For the next seven breaths use the same mudra for both inhale and exhale, the thumb, first and second touching together palms up.
BREATH: Deep rhythmic Yogic breathing, seven seconds in and seven seconds out. There is no holding of the breath from now on. The flow of prana from the two poles will not stop or change in any way when you go from inhale to exhale. It will be a continuous flow that will not stop for a long as you breath in this manner, even after death.
SEVENTH BREATH: Exhale
BREATH: Do not force the air out of your lungs. When your lungs are empty naturally, immediately begin the next breath.
EIGHTH BREATH: Inhale
MIND: The prana sphere continues to concentrate life force energy and grow in size
EIGHT BREATH: Exhale
NINTH BREATH: Inhale
BREATH: Sphere grows brighter and brighter as you inhale.
NINTH BREATH: Exhale
TENTH BREATH: Inhale
TENTH BREATH: Exhale
BREATH: At the moment of exhale, make a small hole with your lips and blow out your air with pressure. As you feel the sphere begin to bulge, all within the first second of this exhale, let all of your air out rapidly. The sphere will expand at that moment.
ELEVENTH, TWELFTH and THIRTEENTH BREATH: Inhale and Exhale
BREATH: Breath rhythmically and deep. At the end of the thirteenth breath you have stabilized the large sphere and are ready for the important 14th breath.
THE FOURTEENTH BREATH
MIND: On the inhale of the 14th breath, at the very beginning of the breath, move the point where the two beams of prana meet from the navel to the sternum, the fourth dimensional chakra. The entire large sphere, along with the original sphere, which is also still contained within the large sphere, moves up to the new meeting point within the tube. Though this is very easy to do, it is an extremely powerful movement. Breathing from this new point within the tube will inevitably change your awareness from third to fourth dimensional consciousness, or from earth consciousness to Christ consciousness. It will take awhile, but as I have said , it is inevitable.
BODY: This mudra will be used for the rest of the meditation. Place the left palm on top of the right palm for males and the right palm on top of the left palm for females. It is a mudra that relaxes.
BREATH: Rhythmic breath and deep. However, if you continue to breathe from your Christ center without moving on to the MER-KA-BA, which is what is recommended until you have made contact with your Higher Self, then shift to a shallow breath. In other words, breath rhythmically but in a comfortable manner where your attention is more on the flow of energy moving up and down the tube meeting at the sternum and expanding out to the large sphere. Just feel the flow. Use your feminine side to just be. At this point don t think, just breath, feel and be. Feel your connection to All Life through the Christ Breath. Remember your intimate connection with God.
PART 4: THE LAST THREE BREATHS
The Mer-Ka-Ba, The Vehicle Of Ascension
You are asked not to attempt this FOURTH PART until you have made contact with your Higher Self, AND your Higher Self has given you permission to proceed. This part is to be taken seriously. The energies that will come into and around your body and spirit are of tremendous power. If you are not ready, you could hurt yourself. If your Higher Self gives you permission to enter into the MER-KA-BA, then don't fear, for you will be ready.
FIFTEENTH BREATH: Inhale
MIND: Be aware of the whole star tetrahedron. Realize that there are three whole star tetrahedrons superimposed over each other. One is the body itself, and is locked in place and never, except under certain conditions, moves. It is placed around the body according to maleness or femaleness. The second whole star tetrahedron is male in nature, it is electrical, is literally the human mind and rotates counter-clockwise relative to your body looking out, or to put it another way, it rotates toward your left side. The third whole star tetrahedron is female in nature, is magnetic, is literally the human emotional body and rotates clockwise relative to your body looking out, or to put it another way, it rotates toward your right side.
To be clear, we are not telling you to rotate the male tetrahedron one way and the female the other way. When we say rotate the whole star tetrahedron, we mean the whole thing.
On the inhale of the fifteenth breath, as you are inhaling, you will say to yourself, in your head, the code words, EQUAL SPEED. This will tell your mind that you want the two rotatable whole star tetrahedrons to begin spinning in opposite directions at equal speeds at the time of the exhale. Meaning that for every complete rotation of the mind tetrahedrons, there will be a complete rotation of the emotional tetrahedrons.
BODY: Continue the mudra of the folded hands from now on.
BREATH: Breath Yogic and rhythmically an deeply again, but only for the next three breaths, after that return to the shallow breathing.
FIFTEENTH BREATH: Exhale
BREATH: Make a small hole with your lips just like you did for breath Number Ten. Blow out in the same manner, and as you do, feel the two sets of tetrahedrons take off spinning.
SIXTEENTH BREATH: Inhale
BREATH: Breathe rhythmically and Yogic.
SIXTEENTH BREATH: Exhale
BREATH: Same as breath 16, make a small hole in your lips, and blow out with pressure. It is at this point that the speeds increases. As you feel the speed increasing, let out all your breath with force. This action will cause the higher speed to be fully obtained and the MER-KA-BA to be formed.
SEVENTEENTH BREATH: Inhale
BREATH: Breathe rhythmically and in a Yogic manner.
SEVENTEENTH BREATH: Exhale
BREATH: Same as breath 15 and 16, make a small hole in your lips, and blow out with pressure. As you feel the speed take off, let all your breath out with force. You are now in your stable and Third dimensionally tuned MER-KA-BA. With the help of your Higher Self, you will understand what this really means.