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"I have a terrible problem with anxiety and obsessive thinking"

Hi Ayal,

I would be grateful for your advice on some tough issues I have. I am going through a really tough period in my life right now. I am only 21 and collapsed in nearly every way about a year and a half ago because of some issues I had. I used to cover them up but always knew that I would have to sort them out, and when I finally faced them or tried to sort them out I collapsed and I now find myself in this situation. I am not sure exactly what's going on or what to do to get out of it.

I have been on the Centerpointe program for about five months and I think that has helped some, but I am basically in the same situation. I have a terrible problem with anxiety and obsessive thinking. It's been going on for a long time now, and I don't know why and how - it seems I have to do it to hold myself together. It seems that I can worry and obsess about just about anything, and if it's to do with my healing - or just to do with me at all actually - it is far worse.

For example, a friend of mine gave me a black stone that he was given by a women he talked to about me. She said that the stone would soak up my negative energies if I carried it around with me in my pocket. However I am afraid to do this as I have heard that in healing exercises you should imagine white, gold or any other color thats healing for you but not black, as black is negative and could draw a psychic attack. And so I am very afraid of doing this exercise for fear of accidentally imagining black or my mind making black even though I am trying to imagine something else, you know the way when you don't want it to happen you end up fighting with yourself.

Basically I have trouble with anxiety and obsessiveness. I could site many more examples like this one. A spiritual matter like this makes me especially afraid. One question I want to ask you is about I read Wendy Kay's book on inner guidance, and it seems very good. However some things in it worry me, like the way she says to say protection prayers. I thought that really all is ONE, and that it was good, joy, love, confidence, compassion, understanding etc.

I then became anxious that I would have to say a protection prayer before my Centerpointe program, and then (yes it gets worse), I became anxious that the meditations by Wendy Kay would raise my vibrations quicker and that when I then did the Centerpointe that I would be vibrating higher than it and that it would bring me down as I would be progressing quicker than the program. As the Centerpointe program starts you off on a certain level, it puts a higher tuning fork vibration against yours and you have to let go of things to be able to then vibrate to that frequency, and after about six months you move on to a higher level and so on, for 12 levels. I also became anxious about using the two together at the same time, that it may harm me, slow my progress or make me worse even.

If you could shed light on these issues, and my overall problem (probably more importantly, as I could be worrying about something else next week, I guess you understand), I would be very, very grateful.


Hi - well what needs to happen here is for you to re-frame some of your thought patterns. First of all, the dark isn't negative. There are 2 poles in life, as we are in duality. Part of the journey to enlightenment is to get beyond duality into the Oneness of it all, and to do that we must learn to embrace everything. We learn to understand that it is by judging that we stay caught in duality. To have this experience as human beings, part of our soul's journey of discovery, to be here on this planet, we need to have 2 poles to keep the duality in place - like a see-saw. Would you say that one end of the see-saw is bad and the other good? No. They both do their jobs to keep the see saw going.

People have a mistaken idea about good and evil in the same way. The information that has come my way is that "Lucifer" is not evil or "the devil" - he's one of the Archangels whose job it is to hold one of the poles, and his Love was so great that he was strong enough to do it. The Archangel Michael holds the other pole, I think, but they are both the same. It's like the infinity symbol - you know what that looks like: a sideways elongated "8"? Well - one energy swirls and recycles into the other. If you are in so much fear that you deny one of the poles and judge it, you will be out of balance.

For instance, the stone you referred to I think is probably obsidian and is used to absorb false beliefs. It has a purpose. It comes from Love, as everything does. It is nothing to fear. For you to fear it is to say "I'll only go up on the see saw, but not down." That can't work for your life, as you are seeing. However, there is a proper way to use a see-saw, just as there is a proper way to use any energy in life to stay in balance. For instance, one does not put a toddler on a see saw and leave it there. One needs to have proper instruction and guidance and be ready for certain experiences at the appropriate time. That also is Love. It's all about living in balance.

It would be great for you to say this intention 3 times a day for 3 months:

"I now am willing, ready, and able, and I now allow and intend creating and living in balance. Thank you."

Your judgment and misconception of how things work is keeping you caught in the ego in an unbalanced way. If you read Gregg Braden's book "Walking between the Worlds," he speaks of his experience understanding about Lucifer and what his job really is. I think that will help you. Your ego is terrified of being annihilated and it is this energy of feeling so separate from everything that has you so terrified and fearful. When you embrace both the poles of life and see everything as a teacher - then you realize the Love and the Oneness that is behind everything.

Here is a great intention to say. I'd say it twice a day for 3 months:

"Mother-Father God and Holy Spirit. Assist me by directing Joy-Love energy to my being now. I sponsor myself to the Creator, Cosmic All, the Masters, and the Creator Entity to have God's clearing energies to remove all adversities."

I'd also say:

"I am not influenced by any false programming keeping me from my optimum level of health, and I release all false beliefs and misconceptions, past or present."

To balance your emotions and understanding of life, and embrace the duality in a highly conscious way, I invite you to read the Tao, or to get involved with or study Taoism.

A woman named Tapas Fleming also offers some good workshops and healing techniques. You can look her up on the web.

There are many ways to strengthen and balance yourself. Meditations to open the heart would be wonderful for you. There is some great work going on by a group called HeartMath. You can look them up on the web also. Your fourth chakra is blocked (love for others and openness toward life) and working with this chakra will be very helpful for you. I've also enclosed a very powerful healing exercise to help you regain your appropriate and healthy balance (see below).

Two Aura-Soma products will be helpful for you as well: the olive green pomander for courage and positive thinking - it cleanses and refreshes one's space, and the Sanat Kumara and Lady Venus Kumara quintessence which will help you get out of being disconnected and separate. I strongly invite you to order them and use them daily. You can look Aura-Soma up on the Net.

Here's the meditation to do to balance you: there is also a CD of this that you can order at


Merkaba Meditation according to Drunvalo Melchizedek

The Teaching On Spherical Breathing

Like the sun, we must breath, radiating out to all life. And from all life we will receive our manna.

Begin by creating a place in your home that is used only for this meditation. Make a space where no one will walk through or disturb you, possibly in your bedroom. A small altar with a candle and a cushion or pillow to sit upon may be helpful. Make this place holy. It is here that you will learn to create the MER-KA-BA around your body and make conscious contact with your higher self.

Once each day, enter into this meditation, until the time comes when you are a conscious breather, remembering with each breath your intimate connection with God.

To begin the meditation, first sit down and relax. Let the worries of the day go. Breathe rhythmically and shallow. Be aware of your breath and relax. When you feel the tension begin to fade, begin to open your heart. Feel Love. Feel Love for all life everywhere. Continue to breathe rhythmically, being aware of your breath, and feel the Love moving through your spirit. When the FEELING of love is in your beingness, you are ready to begin to move towards the experience to the MER-KA-BA. Without this Love, no amount of knowledge will create the MER-KA-BA. To the degree you are able to Love, will be the degree you will be able to experience the MER-KA-BA.

The following is an overview of the meditation to reach the MER-KA-BA. There are seventeen breaths to reach completion. The first six are for balancing of the polarities within your eight electical circuits, and, also, for the cleansing of these circuits. The next seven, which are quite different, are to re-establish the proper pranic flow through your body, and to recreate Spherical Breathing within your body. The fourteenth breath is unique unto itself. It changes the balance of pranic energy within your body from third dimensional to fourth dimensional awareness. The last three breaths recreate the rotating fields of the MER-KA-BA within and around your body.

The instructions: The following instructions will be broken down into four areas: MIND, BODY, BREATH and HEART


HEART: Open your heart and feel love for all life. If you cannot do this, you must at least open to this love as much as is possible for you. This is the most important instruction of all.

MIND: Become aware of the male star tetrahedron the apex facing up to the sun, the point facing to the front for male, the point to the back for females) filled with the brilliant white light surrounding your body. Visualize it the best you can. If you cannot visualize it, sense or feel it surrounding you.

BODY: At the same moment of inhalation, place your hands in the mudra of your thumb and first finger touching. Remember, lightly touch your fingers, and do not allow your fingers to touch each other or any other object. Keep your palms facing up.

BREATH: At this same moment, with empty lungs, begin to breath in a complete yogic manner. Breathe through your nostrils only, except at certain places which will be described. Simply put, breath from your stomach first, then your diaphragm, and finally your chest. Do this in one movement, not three parts. The exhale is completed either by holding the chest firm and relaxing the stomach, slowly releasing the air, or by holding the stomach firm and relaxing the chest. The most important aspect is that this breathing must be rhythmic. Begin by using seven seconds in and seven seconds out, but as you get familiar with this meditation, find your own rhythm. The following instructions for a complete Yogic Breath are from "the Hindu-Yogi Science of Breath" by Yogi Ramacharake. Perhaps this description will be helpful.

Breathing through the nostrils, inhale steadily, first filling the lower part of the lungs, which is accomplished by bringing into play the diaphagm, which descending exerts a gentle pressure on the abdominal organs, pushing forward the front walls of the abdomen. Then fill the middle part of the lungs, pusing out the lower ribs, breastbone and chest. Then fill the higher portion of the lungs, protruding the upper chest, thus lifting the chest, including the upper six or even pairs of ribs. At first reading it may appear that this breath consists of three distinct movements. This, however, is not the correct idea. The inhalation is continuous, the entire chest cavity from the lowered diaphragm to the highest point of the chest in the region of the collar bone, being expanded with a uniform movement. Avoid a jerky series of inhalations, and strive to attain a steady continuous action. Practice will soon overcome the tendency to divide the inhalation into three movements, and will result in a uniform continuous breath. You will be able to complete the inhalation in a few seconds after a little practice.

Exhale quite slowly, holding the chest in a firm position, and drawing the abdomen in a little and lifting it upward as the air leaves the lungs. When the air is entirely exhaled, relax the chest and abdomen. A little practice will render this part of the exercise easy, and the movement once acquired will be afterward performed almost automatically.


MIND: Become aware of the female tetrahedron, (apex pointing to the earth, point facing to the back for males, point facing to the front for females), also filled with the brilliant white light.

BODY: Keep the same mudra.

BREATH: Do NOT hesitate at the top of the inhalation to begin the exhalation. Exhale quite slowly, approximately seven seconds, in the Yogic manner. When the air is out of the lungs, without forcing, relax the chest and abdomen and HOLD the breath. When you feel pressure to breathe again, after about five seconds or so, then do the following:

MIND: Be aware of the flat equilateral triangle at the top of the female tetrahedron located in the horizontal plane that passes through your chest at the sternum. In a flash, and with a pulse like energy, send that triangular plane down through the female tetrahedron. It gets smaller as it goes down and pushes out the tip or apex of the tetrahedron all the negative energy of the mudra or electrical circuit, a light will shoot out of the apex toward the center of the Earth.

The Mind exercise is performed along with the following BODY movements...

BODY: Move your eyes slightly toward each other, or, in other words, slightly cross your eyes. Now bring them up to the top of their sockets, or in other words, look up. Also, this looking up motion should not be extreme. You will feel a tingling feeling between your eyes in the area of your third eye . You can now look down to the lowest point you can, as fast as you can. You should feel an electrical sensation move down your spine. The MIND and BODY must coordinate the above mental exercise with the eye movements. The eyes look down from their up position at the same time the mind sees the triangular horizontal plane of the female tetrahedron move down to the apex of the female tetrahedron. This combined exercise will clean out the negative thoughts and feelings that have entered into your electrical system. Specifically, it will clean out the part of your electrical system that is associated with the particular mudra you are using. Immediately upon pulsing the energy down your spine, you change mudras to the next one and begin the entire cycle over again.

The next five breaths are a repeat of the first breath with the following mudra changes:

Second breath mudra: Thumb and second finger together
Third breath mudra: Thumb and third finger together
Fourth breath mudra: Thumb and little finger together
Fifth breath mudra: Thumb and first finger together (same as first breath)
Sixth breath mudra: Thumb and second finger together (same as second breath)

The first part, the first six breaths, the balancing of the polarities, and the cleansing of your electrical system is now complete. You are now ready for the next part, the next seven breaths.

Part 2

Here an entirely new breathing pattern begins. You do not need to visualize the star tetrahedron at this time. Only the tube that runs through the star, from the apex of the male tetrahedron above your head to the apex of the female tetrahedron below your feet, needs to be seen and worked with. This extends one hand length above your head and one hand length below your feet. The diameter of YOUR tube will be the size of the hole formed by YOUR thumb and forefinger touching.


HEART: Love.

MIND: Visualize or sense the tube running through your body. The instant you begin the seventh inhale, see the brilliant white light of the prana moving down the tube from the top and up the tube from the bottom at the same time. This movement is almost instantaneous. The point where these two light beams meet within your body is controlled by the mind and is a vast science known throughout the universe. In this teaching however, we will only be shown what is necessary , that which will take you from third to fourth dimensional awareness. In this case you will direct the two beams of prana to meet at your navel, or more correct, within your body at navel level, inside the tube. The moment the two beams of prana meet, which is just as the inhale begins, a sphere of white light or prana is formed at the meeting point about the size of a grapefruit centered on the tube. It all happens in an instant. As you continue to take the inhale of the seventh breath, the sphere of prana begins to concentrate and grow slowly.

BODY For the next seven breaths use the same mudra for both inhale and exhale, the thumb, first and second touching together palms up.

BREATH: Deep rhythmic Yogic breathing, seven seconds in and seven seconds out. There is no holding of the breath from now on. The flow of prana from the two poles will not stop or change in any way when you go from inhale to exhale. It will be a continuous flow that will not stop for a long as you breath in this manner, even after death.


MIND: The prana sphere centered at the navel continues to grow. By the time of the full exhale, the prana sphere will be approximately eight or nine inches in diameter.

BREATH: Do not force the air out of your lungs. When your lungs are empty naturally, immediately begin the next breath.


HEART: Love.

MIND: The prana sphere continues to concentrate life force energy and grow in size


MIND: The prana sphere continues to grow in size and will reach maximum size at the end of this breath. This maximum size is different for each person. If you put your longest finger in the center of your navel, the line on your wrist defining your hand will show you the radius of the maximum size of this sphere for YOU. This sphere of prana cannot grow larger.


MIND: The prana sphere cannot grow larger, so what happens is the prana begins to concentrate within the sphere. The visual appearance is that the sphere grows BRIGHTER.

BREATH: Sphere grows brighter and brighter as you inhale.


BREATH: As you exhale, the sphere continues to grow brighter and brighter.


MIND: About half way through this inhale, as the sphere continues to brighter, the prana sphere reaches critical mass. The sphere ignites into a sun, a brilliant blinding ball of white light. You are now ready for the next step.


MIND: At the moment of exhale, the small sphere two hand lengths in diameter bulges to expand. In one second, combined with the breath talked about below, the sphere expands quickly out to the sphere of Leonardo, out at your finger tips of your extended arms. Your body is now completely enclosed within a huge sphere of brilliant white light. You have returned to the ancient form of spherical breathing. However, at thispoint, this sphere is not stable. You MUST breath three more times to keep the sphere stable.

BREATH: At the moment of exhale, make a small hole with your lips and blow out your air with pressure. As you feel the sphere begin to bulge, all within the first second of this exhale, let all of your air out rapidly. The sphere will expand at that moment.



MIND: Relax and just feel the flow of the prana flowing from the two poles and meeting at the navel and then expanding out to the large sphere.

BREATH: Breath rhythmically and deep. At the end of the thirteenth breath you have stabilized the large sphere and are ready for the important 14th breath.



MIND: On the inhale of the 14th breath, at the very beginning of the breath, move the point where the two beams of prana meet from the navel to the sternum, the fourth dimensional chakra. The entire large sphere, along with the original sphere, which is also still contained within the large sphere, moves up to the new meeting point within the tube. Though this is very easy to do, it is an extremely powerful movement. Breathing from this new point within the tube will inevitably change your awareness from third to fourth dimensional consciousness, or from earth consciousness to Christ consciousness. It will take awhile, but as I have said , it is inevitable.

BODY: This mudra will be used for the rest of the meditation. Place the left palm on top of the right palm for males and the right palm on top of the left palm for females. It is a mudra that relaxes.

BREATH: Rhythmic breath and deep. However, if you continue to breathe from your Christ center without moving on to the MER-KA-BA, which is what is recommended until you have made contact with your Higher Self, then shift to a shallow breath. In other words, breath rhythmically but in a comfortable manner where your attention is more on the flow of energy moving up and down the tube meeting at the sternum and expanding out to the large sphere. Just feel the flow. Use your feminine side to just be. At this point don t think, just breath, feel and be. Feel your connection to All Life through the Christ Breath. Remember your intimate connection with God.


The Mer-Ka-Ba, The Vehicle Of Ascension

You are asked not to attempt this FOURTH PART until you have made contact with your Higher Self, AND your Higher Self has given you permission to proceed. This part is to be taken seriously. The energies that will come into and around your body and spirit are of tremendous power. If you are not ready, you could hurt yourself. If your Higher Self gives you permission to enter into the MER-KA-BA, then don't fear, for you will be ready.



MIND: Be aware of the whole star tetrahedron. Realize that there are three whole star tetrahedrons superimposed over each other. One is the body itself, and is locked in place and never, except under certain conditions, moves. It is placed around the body according to maleness or femaleness. The second whole star tetrahedron is male in nature, it is electrical, is literally the human mind and rotates counter-clockwise relative to your body looking out, or to put it another way, it rotates toward your left side. The third whole star tetrahedron is female in nature, is magnetic, is literally the human emotional body and rotates clockwise relative to your body looking out, or to put it another way, it rotates toward your right side.

To be clear, we are not telling you to rotate the male tetrahedron one way and the female the other way. When we say rotate the whole star tetrahedron, we mean the whole thing.

On the inhale of the fifteenth breath, as you are inhaling, you will say to yourself, in your head, the code words, EQUAL SPEED. This will tell your mind that you want the two rotatable whole star tetrahedrons to begin spinning in opposite directions at equal speeds at the time of the exhale. Meaning that for every complete rotation of the mind tetrahedrons, there will be a complete rotation of the emotional tetrahedrons.

BODY: Continue the mudra of the folded hands from now on.

BREATH: Breath Yogic and rhythmically an deeply again, but only for the next three breaths, after that return to the shallow breathing.


MIND: The two sets of tetrahedrons take off spinning. In an instant, they will be moving at exactly one third the speed of light at their outer tips. You probably will not be able to see this because of their tremendous speed, but you can feel it. What you have just done is to start the MOTOR of the MER-KA-BA. You will not go anywhere, or have an experience. It is just like starting the motor of a car, but having the transmission in neutral.

BREATH: Make a small hole with your lips just like you did for breath Number Ten. Blow out in the same manner, and as you do, feel the two sets of tetrahedrons take off spinning.


MIND: This is the most amazing breath. On the inhale, as you are inhaling, say to yourself, in your head, THIRTY-FOUR - TWENTY-ONE. This is the code to your mind to spin the two sets of tetrahedrons at a ratio of 34-21. Meaning the Mind tetrahedrons spinning to the left will go around 34 times while the emotional tetrahedrons spinning to the right will go around 21 times. As the two sets speed up the ratio will remain constant.

BREATH: Breathe rhythmically and Yogic.


MIND: As you let out the breathe, the two sets of tetrahedrons take off from their one third speed of light setting to two third speed of light in an instant. As they approach two thirds speed of light speed a phenomena takes place. A disk about 55 feet in diameter forms around the body at the level of the base of the spine. And the sphere of energy that is centered around the two sets of tetrahedrons forms with the disk to create a shape that looks like a FLYING SAUCER around the body. This energy matrix is called the MER-KA-BA. However, it is not stable. If you see or sense the MER-KA-BA around you at this point, you will know it to be unstable. It will be slowly wobbling. Therefore Breath Number Seventeen is necessary.

BREATH: Same as breath 16, make a small hole in your lips, and blow out with pressure. It is at this point that the speeds increases. As you feel the speed increasing, let out all your breath with force. This action will cause the higher speed to be fully obtained and the MER-KA-BA to be formed.


HEART: Remember, unconditional love for all life must be felt through out all of this meditation or no results will be realized.MIND: As you breathe in, say to yourself, in your head, the code NINE TENTHS THE SPEED OF LIGHT. This code will tell your mind to increase the speed of the MER-KA-BA to nine tenths the speed of light which will stabilize the rotating field of energy. It will also do something else. This third dimensional universe that we live in is tuned to 9/10 the speed of light. Every electron in your body is rotating around every atom in your body at 9/10 the speed of light. This is the reason this particular speed is selected.

BREATH: Breathe rhythmically and in a Yogic manner.


MIND: The speed increases to 9/10 the speed of light and stabilizes the MER-KA-BA.

BREATH: Same as breath 15 and 16, make a small hole in your lips, and blow out with pressure. As you feel the speed take off, let all your breath out with force. You are now in your stable and Third dimensionally tuned MER-KA-BA. With the help of your Higher Self, you will understand what this really means.

Blessings, Ayal

next 164. "I've lost my brothers and sister and feel in a time warp"

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