"How can I get rid of my addictions, that endanger the progress I have made?"
I wanted to reconnect and share my new experiences:
I have made big moves in my life since I last wrote to you. I have left the United Kingdom for Berlin, I have found a spiritual group with an enlightened master at the core that will help my transformation and I am seeing a woman I have known for years and thinking of having a meaningful relationship with her. I feel that she is my anchor also, as she is spiritual too, and very accepting and understanding. I also had work when I came here and and things seemed on the up. What I must get rid of though is my addictions to drugs, alcohol and spending money, that endanger all the progress I have made. I feel that they are in the way but I don't know how to deal with them ? They sneak in the back door, and all of a sudden I'm going out, dancing, as if running away from the beauty that is otherwise happening in my life, as if it is too good to be true. BUT I REALLY AM NOT PREPARED TO LOSE THAT GOOD IN MY LIFE. I get into these heavenly states after my experiences with drugs and feel connected to God but still : I know I am sabotaging myself, although I am learning to love myself also regardless of what I am doing, but PLEASE: I want to find the way to this woman's heart and be her partner, and If I carry on like this I feel she will maybe decide that I am not the right one to have a relationship with, I am thinking of her 5 year old daughter too, I want to be there for them and no drunkard, I want to be responsible and somehow CLEAN, can I slow down or must I seek professional help to fight the addictions ? My group will be very good in coming out with the truth, maybe that will sort it ? I somehow know the answers, and fear is getting less and less in my life, as my external life comes to this point, a BREAKTRHOUGH must happen, I want to change.
Shed some light for me. Thank you, you have already helped me get out of the worst !!!
Hi - thanks for touching back in and letting me know how you are doing. That means a lot to me. I am glad to hear that you are feeling so much better. To continue this healing, what I invite you to do is go and get de-toxed. Get into a program where you will get your body fully de-toxed, even if you have to check yourself into a rehabilitation program somewhere. That would actually be the best thing you could do. A good one, well run, that deals with this problem from all angles. Then I suggest you join Alcoholics Anonymmous. They are deeply, spiritually based and will also be able to offer you a tremendous amount of support. Get all the strong support behind you that you can - people whom you trust and/or programs where you are responsible to check in with them or they check on you and act as your coach or sponsor.
This is an issue about TRUST that you are dealing with. As such, you also need to be able to forgive anyone and everyone you ever blamed for this problem. You created this to learn something in this life, and when you fully take 100% responsibility for that - that you created all of this to gain something positive (what HAVE you gained through all of this? Let yourself get the lesson) - then you will be able to truly let go of these addictive behaviors. Do you ever ask Spirit to help you fully embody the quality of Trust? Trusting Spirit, Trusting life, and Trusting yourself? What would it feel like to feel totally safe? What would it feel like to feel totally trusting of yourself? Those are the feelings that are crucial for you to develop and feel within YOURSELF.
It isn't that this woman you are interested in will uncover your dark secrets and then not trust you. It's that YOU don't trust yourself. If you don't trust yourself, what then, will you create from that belief? When you are willing to uncover these secrets yourself by bringing them into the light of day - by being vulnerable enough to get some help - then you are well on your way to healing this. First of all, by doing that, you are taking an action which is self loving - you are loving yourself by taking good care of yourself. Secondly, once you bring something out into the light, it no longer hides in the dark and festers or brings you such difficulty.
It is revealed, and can then be dealt with. Once you turn on a light, the monsters you thought were so awful hiding in the closet end up not being so terrible after all, right? Hiding anything only continues the problem. Really decide to go for this full force - dive into this healing process 100%. Commit 100% to yourself and love yourself by doing so. Get the support you need to be able to hang in there. Get into a great program and be truly honest with what you are dealing with and what is going on for you. I think that you are learning this - the courage it takes to stand up for oneself and face what needs to be faced, honestly.
Also, continue the breathwork, and cut the psychic cords that still have you tangled up in old energy, cords that resulted from you blaming others - cut the cords to anyone and everyone whom you still blame for this problem. Send them blessings, instead. They came to play roles for you that you needed to have played in this life in order to learn what you came here to learn - and they too needed to work some things out, as well. Whatever you bless, those blessings also return to you. Bless your ability to trust, to get the help and support you need. Bless your inner strength, bless the healing that you are creating to be fully, once and for all, done with these behaviors. Bless the light that shines the truth on these hidden places and heals them.