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"Can I follow my spiritual path and keep a relationship with a partner on a different path?"

Dear Ayal

Question: Can I follow my spiritual path and keep a relationship with a partner on a different path?

I am deeply commited to my spiritual growth, reading numerous spiritual texts of various faiths and fervently searching for the truth. This has led me to various life-changing teachings and connections with spiritual masters.

At the beginning of this year I got back together with a guy I split up with four years earlier (we had been together for 6 years before and have lots of history together). I have been worried that our paths will lead us in different directions. He is a lovely guy and being with him again has given me a security and reassurance that I felt I lacked before in other relationships. I had been through a series of relationships before we got together in which I could never find the fulfillment I was looking for. We are both very independent and busy in our lives and he lives in the small town I grew up in and I live in London. We are very different, I'm adventurous, always wanting to travel and he's a home-body, more introverted. My main goal is a spiritual one, I go to retreats at every opportunity and practice at meditation, yoga. My boyfriend just wants to settle down. I give him hope, make him feel good about himself, he wants kids. He is not into 'spiritual things,' we do not really share the same spiritual beliefs, he doesn't really have any except that he is moralistic and kind.

The problem is that I'm scared that if I compromise my direction, settle down in a little town, I may compromise everything - my financial independance, spiritual direction, opportunities for travelling. It is so hard to know what to do. We have a very deep, strong attraction and connection, it feels too hard to leave him, but I have too many doubts about commiting to him.

What can I do?

Hi - Usually opposites attract, for each person is looking for that part of themselves that is not directly available or accessible to them yet, which they see reflected in the other person. It also sounds as if you may have a belief that you have to compromise yourself to be loved, or to receive love. That is a false belief. We can have everything we need, and be true to ourselves and our journey, which includes being loved, right? I invite you to play with this as a possible core belief using the formula for changing core beliefs in the Laws of the Universe information. You may also want to find out where this belief originated by asking about that in meditation. That information can be useful when clearing a false belief.

It is also a false belief to think we are being selfish if we create life as we know it must be to be right for ourselves. Often as women, there is an old, old ingrained belief that it is our duty to forego our own lives and do what the man wants. That we give up ourselves in exchange for him taking care of us and keeping us "safe". That's a false belief also. Every soul has Power. Every soul's responsibility is to honor and claim that power and to take care of Oneself. It is every soul's right to create a life which honors who they are and what they came here to do. If there are important things you and this man have to learn together, then that is also a part of your journey - you may need to learn to stand up for yourself and to know you can choose for yourself, and this relationship is bringing that issue up for you to deal with.

My husband and I began our relationship, seemingly, on very different paths. He was fully immersed into the world of primitive earth skills, did not meditate, while my background was yogic and, as I thought, more spiritually oriented. What I began to realize was that he grounded me, and helped me orient better and create much better on the physical plane, while I helped him to look inward and find a deeper sense of the spiritual. I thought love had to look a certain way - that I can only love you if you are on my path, meditate, etc... I thought I was such a loving being by being so "spiritual", but he showed me, in what I thought was his so "unspiritual" way, what love really was. He showed me that love isn't a conditional thing. We both had a lot to learn. I had to learn about claiming my power as well, as did he. We have made an incredible team, and we both have what we want. There has also been a lot to clear, as we saw our issues and false beliefs mirrored back to us in the other person.

It's an intense journey, being in relationship. If you do it consciously, seeing whatever issues arise as being your issue, bringing it back to yourself, you have an incredible opportunity - when you see yourself mirrored in the other person's "stuff", you will grow tremendously. For myself and my husband - now our lives flow very much along similar currents, while also being different - we do our own things, yet we totally intersect and parallel one another along the way. You don't have to be joined at the hip and have the same exact life to be in relationship. Love must exist in freedom - the freedom to be and do what you are, and to go your own way, while yet traveling along together. My husband and I teach each other. I know him to be my spiritual partner as well as my partner on other levels, and what I thought was so opposite from myself really turned out not to be so opposite after all. It's all One. However, this is all about you and you putting your faith and trust in your own decisions. Whatever you choose to do, trust it, and continue to trust that you are creating your life perfectly. You learn as you go. It isn't all worked out beforehand, or all neatly laid out so that there are no challenges. This seems all to be about trust - there are no mistakes.

There is nowhere where God, or the "spiritual", is not. God is everyone and everything. So, the journey this guy is on is just as spiritual as yours. It just takes a different form. All that you learn from another is also part of your spiritual journey. Seeing your issues mirrored in him is the spiritual journey. It can't be separated.

What you may need to do is play around with, in yourself, your trust in yourself and the choices you make - or, your fear of doing it "wrong." Also, check out issues behind your willingness to stand up for what you choose for yourself and what you choose your life to be, and face any fears or false beliefs you may have, that you have to give in, in order to be loved. That is victim consciousness. The question to answer here is:

"Do I believe that I can ( and have the right to) create my life as I choose? Am I safe with myself taking care of me?"

You can have a wonderful relationship with this man if you choose to, and you can create it so that you also have all the other things in your life that you love. If you do not want children, then choose not to create that. If you desire to travel, choose to create that. You can put all the pieces together that you choose to have in your life into a beautiful painting that works, with all of the colors, but only if you believe that:

a) you deserve it. b) you have the right and power to create it however you choose. c) you are safe within yourself- you don't need to sell yourself or compromise yourself in order to have safety because someone else is "taking care of you".

Our life isn't limited to either this or that, but can be a picture that includes all of it. My husband had a belief that he wouldn't be able to travel if he were in a relationship. We cleared that belief, and now he travels all the time, and I love having time to myself also, to do my art, and we are closer than ever. It works for both of us. It's all about beliefs, releasing and recognizing the false ones, and choosing to have those beliefs that allow your life to be the way you choose for it to be.

Best wishes, Ayal

149. "I am concerned about the appearance of my fingernails"


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