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"I feel insecure when I think of my lover's last girlfriend"

I have had an ongoing problem. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we are very much in love, but I CONSTANTLY get really insecure about his last girlfriend. He was with her for seven months, lost his virginity to her but was never in love with her and even tried to break up with her a few months before, but she would go like crazy. And even though I know that I am his first love, and I know that he thinks I am so much better in every way and says I'm the one and that no girl measures up to me... after a couple months of dating he even told me that I'm the girl he wants to marry. But even after knowing all of this, I still feel really jealous of her and I just hate the fact that he ever had a long term relationship with another girl. Maybe it's because he is my first real boyfriend... and I know this probably sounds really stupid but does ANYbody please have any advice on how I can get over my insecurity????? I even hate to see girls that I know he's hooked up with like three years ago. And I know this is crazy, but I also feel so insecure if we for instance turn on the TV and there is a really pretty girl on, even though I know that he thinks I am very beautiful. IS ANY OF THIS NORMAL????? Thanks so much for any advice you can give me.


Hi - although many, many people, most in fact, experience insecurity and jealousy, it isn't the way to be a truly healthy individual, as you experience yourself from feeling so much distress around it. Feeling that way is very painful and debilitating and ultimately destructive, and it stems from issues of lack of self worth, of not feeling good enough. It leaves one feeling very anxious.

Issues such as these have usually been created early on in childhood, and often, because we experienced and created them at such a young age, they can be hard to track down and access. When we first started believing this way about ourselves, generally we were too young to verbalize it, or put it into any kind of cohesive thought, so it got relegated to a place within us that is hard to access and bring out consciously in order to deal with it. But once you understand where it came from, then you can change it. Often, it comes from the way we see our primary role models, our mother or father, behaving or relating, and we pick up on their energy and fears and think that's how to relate, how to be, and that's just the normal way life is, as it's all we know. But life can be experienced from a place of feeling secure, self worthy, and peaceful, trusting in oneself and one's unique specialness.

For you, the issue of disappointment came up - perhaps you felt that your parents were disappointed in you in some way? Also an issue showed up of believing that someone was favored or valued over you, or instead of you. These perceptions of yourself and how you believed others felt about you would definitely lead to the difficult feelings you are having.

There is a need to cultivate positive thoughts and to implement the decisions you make. You need to decide to choose to believe something different about yourself, something more aligned with Truth, with you as your Godself, with who you really are, instead of believing that you aren't good enough. And, you need to develop the will power to implement this decision and follow through with it.

There is also a lot of spiritual confusion going on for you. See what you are pulled to explore, read, experience, and learn about in order to understand more deeply and clearly how the Universe works, how to think and feel in ways that create for you the reality you actually desire, who we all really are in the truest sense, and what this journey of ours is all about.

An Aura-Soma product would help you develop new ways of believing, feeling, and understanding. I invite you to order the number 3 essential oil from an Aura-Soma practitioner and use it every day. You can order it and ask for information regarding what issues it helps to heal and what positive qualities it helps to instill at

Also, I invite you to do this exercise to heal a hole in your aura: You put your arms out straight to the sides with your fingers open. Then make little circles with your arms in reverse motion for 1 minute. When you are finished, bring your fingertips together and then bring your hands to your shoulders for a few seconds. I would do this 3 times a day for 2 months.

Also, going to see a good counselor to work through these childhood issues of insecurity would be a great thing to do. Otherwise, you will continue to feel insecure and distressed, and your relationships will be troubled, as you are feeling it is now. Better to take care of it now, and be able to create being healthy yourself so that the relationships you then draw to yourself will be healthy as well. No one can make you feel worthy, no matter how much they love you, unless you feel it yourself, from the inside, and those old wounds and misconceptions are healed and released.

Blessings, Ayal

next 131. "I want to be friends with my mother but she allows me no freedom at all"

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