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"Is there such a thing as a negative energy that can attach and mess up your life?"

Hello Ayal,

I was online looking for some advice on the matter of using a psychic to heal negative energy. You see I've been having a really hard time this past year because I broke up with a man that I was really in love with but who was making my life miserable, because he could never seem to really connect with me emotionally. After we broke up, though, we were around each other all the time because he was also my martial arts teacher. I was determined to make it work because I loved what I did and that is also where my friends and community were.

Recently though I started seeing someone else, and exactly a week after I told him I was, he told me he was getting married and then did shortly after. I got very upset and he seemed to relish this new "connection" he had made with me. This upset me even more and I finally completely rejected him, meaning I told him I didn't want to even try to be his friend anymore and I wanted him to leave me alone. I continued to try and work out at the school but it felt like he just kept trying to push all my buttons. I finally decided I needed to leave at least for awhile until I didn't feel like he could hurt me anymore. Now I feel like I've lost a large part of my life and identity. I've been looking around for alternatives but there really aren't any for what I do and I miss everyone terribly, but whenever I think about going back he is this spector that just makes me recoil.

I have been seeing a therapist which has helped somewhat but today I went to a psychic hoping for some insight, a new direction or some hope. She told me that I have a negative energy around me that has been there for sometime and keeps causing me to choose the wrong people and does not want me to be happy. I've actually heard this before from psychics and they always follow up with an expensive way to clear it. She has quoted me a price cheaper than I've heard before but still a lot of money which I really don't have. I do believe in energy work, I believe the more energy you put into something the better the result but do you really have to pay a lot of money and burn candles to clear something like this and is there even such a thing as a negative energy that connects itself to you and keeps your life from working?

I'm really ready to make a change in my life and I'm so tired of being unhappy and depressed (it is better than it was but every time I think its gone it just jumps right back up and bites me). I'm willing to do just about anything if it works, but I don't have a lot of energy (or money) for something that is just a placebo. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long e-mail and I look forward to hearing your opinion.

Hi -

Well, early on, in my exploring the world and coming to discover that it is more than our 5 senses have been taught that it is - that is, opening to realize that life is more than meets the eye - I went to some carnival psychics and the ones that say something like 'Mother Betty' that you see advertized along the road. I was told on some occassions the same thing - that it would take a lot of money and candles to clear up the negative energy around me. I consider this to be a con game. If you have ever gone to someone who is highly evolved and conscious, you would not have been told this. There are aways levels of development with anything in life, such as the difference between those velvet paintings of Elvis compared to say, a beautiful Renoir or other great artist. Although I cannot say that these people do not have what you call "psychic' ability, I can't say that it's much more than a carny level con game of things either.

I don't consider myself a "psychic." That word is very limiting and can have strange and tabloid connotations to it due to a lack of understanding and the fear some people still associate with being more aware and conscious. I am a holistic healer, and when one begins to explore how energy works in the universe, one inevitably opens to other levels of awareness, just as one begins to learn more and master any tools of a trade.

Have you read the 'Laws of the Universe' on this site? If not, I invite you very strongly to do so. How you express what you see as going on for you tells me that you are still coming from a level of awareness that says people "do things to you". That is a mass consciousness belief in being a victim. No one can do anything to you. You create everything that happens to you, everything in your life, just as everything in any dream you may have comes from your own mind, and no one else's. This is all explained in more detail in the 'Laws of the Universe'.

If this man is pushing your buttons, as you mention, he can only do so because he is a mirror for you of something you are needing to see in yourself. For instance, I may see someone else as an angry so and so, and I may really dislike them for it, but, upon closer examination and greater depth of understanding and insight into myself, I realize that I, myself, am still carrying around a lot of anger, and I REALLY don't like that in MYSELF. But instead of copping to it in myself, (I don't see that I have anger or see that I don't like it in me), I put it outside of me and judge someone else for it. That's called projection. I'm really judging myself, but because that's too uncomfortable, and I don't want to admit to my own anger, (I feel guilty about having it, or think I'm bad for having anger), I look outside of myself and judge them instead. The way it works though, is that that that person is only being a mirror to me, showing me that quality in myself. It's never about another person, place, or thing. It's always about seeing ourselves reflected back to us from whatever we see in others.

You say he "made your life miserable" and you left and wanted him to leave you alone so he "couldn't hurt you anymore." Well, guess what? He isn't doing that to you. YOU are creating those situations and experiences to learn something about yourself. Some unconscious, unseen issue that you have inside of you created you being miserable and created the relationship not working out. Taking responsibility for that is true power. It doesn't mean you're "bad." It means you are learning and growing.

For instance, you broke up with him and went on to see someone else, but when he also chose to go on with his life, you were upset and angry about that, which says to me that YOU may be the one not in touch with yourself emotionally. You made a choice but then weren't comfortable with what happened from the choice you made, or perhaps, you weren't really emotionally ready to make that choice and handle the consequences of it. So, who you were really upset with was yourself and the decision you made and how you were able, or not able, to handle how you felt and what happened next. So, you projected that discomfort out onto him and made him the bad guy who did something to you to get back at you.

You say you couldn't connect with him emotionally, but the real, more conscious question to ask is how are you out of touch with your OWN feelings? You chose to do something - you made a choice, and that gave the message that you felt right and ready to move on, let go, and you did so. But then, you are upset that he does that as well, when by your choice you said that was the ok thing to do. Do you see? But emotionally you weren't ready to handle that. Maybe an issue here for you is to tune in more with yourself and what you truly want and need, and not be so hasty in making decisons that then you feel uncomfortable with. Maybe the hastiness you saw in him triggered for you the discomfort you feel about yourself making hasty decisions? See how it works?

The other thing going on may be that you have a belief that people get off on the pain or distress of others - i.e., his relishing your discomfort. That is also aa belief. When did you decide to believe that about people, if this resonates with you that this is a belief you carry? This is actually a belief that comes from some belief in punishing oneself.

There is possibly an issue you have around misunderstanding the communications of others, and this could tie into how you interpret what others are feeling or actually saying to you, if you expect them to enjoy someone's pain rather than having compassion.

One of the issues here for you is your need to be able to stand up for yourself, instead of turning that into someone else being out to hurt you. You're seeing whatever happens through this belief that you can't stand up for yourself, that you are a powerless victim. If you don't see that you are seeing life through those glasses, so to speak, it will look like others are always doing something to you. You will put the blame on others rather than seeing that it is an issue within yourself. It's like say, being at a crowded movie theater, and there is a person blocking your way. Instead of saying "Excuse me" very firmly but kindly, and thus creating that person sweetly moving out of your way, you think to yourself "That person won't let me by, and is deliberately standing in my way and making it so I can't get to where I'm going. He seems to take delight in knowing that he's in my way, and I can't get by". Do you see the difference?

If you feel powerless and unable to stand up for yourself, if you put that outside of yourself and think it's about how someone else is, you would probably think that person is "relishing", as you put it, your discomfort. But the truth is, you see it that way because you yourself are uncomfortable and dislike feeling powerless -- you think others are enjoying seeing you that way, but that's just a mirror for your own fear of feeling small and weak. If you can firmly, without a qualm, just have your own inner power, strength, and authority to do what you need to do for yourself, then you don't see others as having more power than you and able, then, in your mind, to do something "to you" that you can't seem to handle.

It's all about trusting yourself and coming to see that you have the power to handle whatever you need to in life, and that you can handle it calmly, with insight and understanding, and compassion, both for yourself, and for others. It takes a lot of maturity to understand how to live life from a place of clarity and deep insight into oneself, and have the courage and ability to get through all the misunderstood, unclear ways we have created in how we view things, how we think and feel and believe about things. If we have compassion for ourselves, we then can see that it's probably just as hard for others to get through stuff and come to new levels of understanding as it is for us.

When you know that whatever is showing up in your life you created to teach yourself something, then you never blame anyone else for anything. You are not a victim who's being mistreated, but a powerful person who is choosing wisely who she is, how she wants to be, how to see and understand what is going on from a highly conscious level, and what kind of energy she wants to add to this interwoven tapestry we call life.

I invite you to read the Laws of the Universe again and again until you understand the concepts there. It will help you out a lot.

Also, yes, we can have negative energy around us, but if that happens, our own energy has attracted it to us - like attracts like, so to speak, so negative energy, such as fear, can be drawn to you if you have a lot of fear. It's still only a mirror for what's going on inside of you. There are ways to clear negative energy, and the best way is to keep your own level of energy full of more awareness and higher levels of understanding.

When you take responsibility and understand how we create our own reality and the situations in our lives, you will perceive what is happening with this man differently. You'll see it differently, and respond to it differently, and handle it differently, just as you'd realize that the person standing in your way at the movies isn't out to get you.

In the meantime, however, until you start practicing understanding and living life from this way of seeing things, if that is what you choose to do, there always are options of other places to go to create community if you are too uncomfortable going there. Life always has options - we create these options ourselves. If you believe there aren't any, then there won't be. If you believe there ARE options, you will create them being there for you. It's all in what you believe and what you choose to create.

If you do decide to go there, I would invite you to look at things from internal eyes - seeing what's going on inside of you, what beliefs you have, that have you see life the way you do. Use it, as everything is, as a great gift, a mirror, to show you yourself and what's going on inside of you.

Blessings, Ayal

123. "I am despondent about losing my wife"


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