"My inner vision is blocked and I cannot visualize"
Hi Ayal, my name is Adam. I stumbled across the question and answer page of your website and it seemed like you really helped those people, so I'd like to tell you my problem. I've been trying to access my own higher guidance for a few years now and but no meditation exercise has worked. I think it is because my inner vision is blocked and I cannot visualize. I think that if I somehow could visualize, I could then discover my own personal way to connect with a higher power, and then everything else in my life would fall into place. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do to unblock myself? I understand if you're too busy to respond.
Hi - Thanks for writing in.
Well, it isn't that you aren't able to access your inner guidance because you can't visualize. Visualizing is just one way to access guidance. Many people are auditory - that is, they hear information. Some are kinesthetic, which means they get a feeling about things... some even can smell things. Whenever I'm working through childhood, little girl issues, my husband (get this!) says I smell like baby poop! Funny, yes?
Anway, what's going on for you is an issue of loneliness and commitment. That is a heart chakra issue. If you aren't committed to yourself, or think that you deserve all the best (or highest), how can you create having it? You DO deserve all the highest and best, and I can tell from your vibration what a sweet soul you are. But, you doubt that, or, should I say, you haven't yet released the veils that are covering up and confusing you as to who you really are. You know, my mother once told me of a roommate she had in college who was this tall, truly gorgeous, blonde woman, and this woman used to stand in front of the mirror and complain and really be in pain because she thought she was ugly. Now, everyone else could totally see that she was just caught up in an illusion, and they would just shake their heads and gasp when she would say that, because she really was beautiful. But she couldn't see it. The same with you.
So, in a sense, you are right in that you are not "seeing" the Truth about yourself.
The other issue that showed up for you - and when I say issue, it's the same thing as saying "illusion" or false belief - is that you don't feel at "home". I take this to mean that you don't feel at home with yourself, which is really saying the same thing as we just talked about above. Re-read how you ended your letter. You said: "I understand if you're too busy to respond. Thanks anyway, Adam."
What makes you think that I would answer other peoples' letters, but not yours? I wasn't too busy for them - why would I be too busy for you? Are you less important than they are? We're all God, remember? Made of the same God stuff. There's no difference between any of us. We're All One, just having slightly different stories and adventures. Can you see that one?
And then you said, "Thanks anyway" - as if you already assumed it wouldn't happen for you, that you'd be ignored and rejected - that everyone else would be loved and helped, but I wouldn't bother with you. Interesting, yes?
Have you read "Winnie the Pooh"? That's Eeyore talking, how you are feeling. What (and when) was the origin point where you decided that you weren't worth anything, and your heart got heavy and closed off? When did you decide that? It isn't your "visioning" that's blocked, sweetheart. It's your heart: your beliefs about yourself and life, and that you'll just never be loved or thought of and cared about. That's what stopping you from seeing or receiving your higher guidance, which is really the same thing as the Truth about yourself.
And, whatever it is that you have decided to believe about not being good enough, or that you'd be the one left out and rejected, I can tell you right now that it isn't True. Only Love is Real, and feeling that way about yourself isn't True. It's an illusion, like the woman in front of the mirror. But we choose to believe in these things until we are ready to "see" them and change them - until we've gotten tired of doing it that way, or feeling what we're feeling from still carrying around and having those beliefs. So, when you're ready to have a new experience, that's when you will change your belief system.
I can see by your name in your e-mail that you are Jewish. Well, guess what? We all carry around ancestral patterns and baggage in our DNA from our ethnic and cultural background and families. Generations and centuries of them. Check out if being Jewish doesn't carry for you many of those feelings behind the belief of being rejected and never having a "home" to go to - experiences that got created from that belief were such things as the diaspora, Exodus, etc. It's all still encoded in there, with all of the attendant feelings that go along with that. You can release those old memories and patterns and feelings any time you choose. Just picture or imagine your DNA strands opening up, unwinding, straightening out, and releasing whatever is in them that you no longer want. Then you are free and have the option to put into your DNA, or blueprint of who you are, anything you choose. Did you know that it is scientifically proven through experiments that when we think and feel loving thoughts and feelings, our DNA lengthens out and relaxes and isn't wound so "up tight?" Fascinating, yes?
What are you ready for? And, how would that feel? You have to know how it feels in order to create it. So, how would it feel to be accepted and loved? To love yourself and feel great and bursting with the fun of a new day bringing with it great new adventures? Can you feel that?
If you choose to, just sit quietly, and put out an intention that you are "now ready and willing, and that you will ALLOW yourself to remember who you truly are", that you are "now willing and ready and will allow yourself to OPEN TO RECEIVE these adventures and good, True feelings."
You're worth it! That's the key here. You can continue to see if it works to get love and other things you'd like to experience by being an Eeyore, but if you're not satisfied with that method, and you're not getting anything out of it anymore (sadness, pain, loneliness - all of which are valid experiences here on the planet - they make the story we are writing and experiencing for ourselves pretty rich and juicy, don't they? What's a good story without some of that?) But, if you're ready for something else, let that one go and see how else you can create getting what you truly are choosing to have, except in a way that works better for you.
What could you create that would work better for you than being Eeyore? Play around and have some fun figuring that one out! You can write any story with anything in it that you choose for yourself, any time, with all sorts of different combinations of feelings and experiences. Remember, Winnie the Pooh also had a Tigger in it!!
So, I also invite you to get hold of Caroline Myss's book, Anatomy of the Spirit, and read that. I think you'll really enjoy it, and it will shed some light and lift some illusions off of you.