"I'm scared about moving to the big city"
Wel, I'm 17 years old and I'm a male. I saw that your site says many things about women, so I wasn't sure if this was for women only but I thought I would try anyways. To give you some background on the problem, I have had anxiety for a while now, since I was about 14. It has gotten better since then and I'm finding my self feeling better. I just got off paxil 40 mg's and clonazepam 1 mg. And I am moving to Minneapolis in June. Well, I found that I'm having anxiety attacks again, and I feel kind of spaced out and out of it, or not here, if that makes sense. I think that a lot of this is from the anxiety of moving, I'm kind of scared to be in that big city. Where I live now there are 128,000 people and Minneapolis has like 3 million in the metro area. But it's just the big buildings and being in a different place other than home that scares me, mostly being in the place other than "home". When I think about it I just get scared.
What I'm wondering is if I should go back on the medicine, or if once I get there, I will realize that it is not as bad as I thought, and everything will be fine. I am really scared now, thinking about it. And it bothers me 'cause I really want to move, I realize that I'm only 5 hours from my parents and I can call them anytime, and I have a room mate. But there is something about being somewhere unfamiliar that is just creating all this anxiety. Really I should be excited. I'm wondering if I should go on medicine again, see a counselor, or what I should do to help ease the anxiety until and possibly after I move. Any help would be appreciated.
Hi - well, this column is for both men and women, and there have been other men writing in too, so I'm glad that you chose to, as well. Thanks for your sharing.
What you describe sounds to me as if there was some kind of trauma in your life that has caused you to be so anxious. It may have been so traumatic that you needed to block it out - you say that you don't feel all there, and that is a sign of soul loss, or leaving the body due to trauma. We leave our bodies to avoid feeling the pain or terror of something. The effects of this trauma however, are still surfacing for you as anxiety attacks. I don't know for sure, but I would suggest that you explore this as a possibility.
Some of what you describe can be possible symptoms of some form of abuse. Is there a step parent in your life? If so, did something about that step parent cause you trauma? I don't like to program people by saying one way or another that something happened in the way of possible abuse, but your symptoms suggest that this may be an area to explore in therapy, the kind of therapy that doesn't prescribe drugs as a cure-all, but that will support you and help you to face this terror in a conscious way.
Your fear of new places, of leaving what is familiar, sounds to me like a lot of underlying terror and trust issues. My information says that there is a need to speak your truth and to confront something - drugs can be useful at times, but they can also numb us to what we need to face and deal with, push it back in, so to speak. But the body needs to release what is toxic, in an appropriate way, and terror is very toxic and debilitating. So, if your anxiety attacks are a way for your body to try to expell this terror, well, then, you need to be able to face that fear and get that fear out in an appropriate way. Your being is trying to release terror that is huge now, as it has been held down for a long long time. But the fact that it's there tells you something. Your job is to find out what has created it being there, then do the healing work to release it, and be able to move on with your life in a healthier, stronger way, to create a life that can then be filled with trust instead of fear.
You may also have some negative entities hovering around you. This can be due to the fact that they are attracted to strong emotions such as fear, and then they add to that energy with their own fear vibes. It's not a big deal, but it would be very good to send them on their way so your space can be clear and free of that influence. I suggest you get in touch with someone who can check into this and help you clear your space. If you need some references, write me back and I'll give you some names and phone numbers of good healers who work with this, and who also could help you see what happened or what is behind the terror.