First Dates: Skip the Movie and Popcorn
By Alan Stafford
A common and popular first date is going to a movie and sharing some popcorn. But while you want the date to be fun, your purpose here is not entertainment. The reason for a first date with anyone is to see whether you want to date them a second time. The whole dating process is a screening process to help you find that special someone. As a way of getting to know someone, going to the movies is actually a poor choice for first dates.
Close, But No Cigar
The two of you will spend two hours together. Close together, but not talking! That is like having sex on the first date. Also close together; no talking. In either case, the lack of communication does not help you get to know the other person. This would be like going to the library and reading books on a sofa together. Without dialogue and an exchange of ideas and opinions, you can't get to know the person you're dating. You can't determine if he's Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong. Let's face it: in most cases he'll be Mr. Wrong. So, it just makes sense to determine right from wrong as soon as possible. Why date for a month or two only to decide you don't like the other person. Find out on the first date if you can.
How To Turn A Movie Into A Good First Date.
You can't know if you're to end the relationship only after watching a film together. All you can notice during a movie is whether he likes butter on his popcorn. The value of a movie date starts before you enter the theater and resumes after the movie is over. Here's how a movie date can help you in the dating process.
Before the movie, watch to see whether your date is controlling and unyielding in choice of movies. Is he willing to compromise? Does he respect your preferences or laugh at them. When he chooses a blood-and-guts movie over your comedy film, ask him why he finds that kind of movie interesting. Here is your first inkling of his consideration as well as his taste in entertainment.
After your first movie date, discuss what each of you liked and disliked about the movie. The actual answers are unimportant. What you're listening for are opinions, beliefs, and attitudes that will help you decide whether to continue to date this person.
Are You Dating A Boy Or A Man?
If your partners' opinions are childish, he is probably not mature enough for a long-term relationship. One clue is if he got really excited when the machine gun mowed down all the people in the restaurant scene. This could be a hint that life is a video game to him or that he has some serious anti-social tendencies.
If he isn't really interested in talking to you, decide right now that this is your first-and last-date. All he's interested in is a short-term relationship. Usually that means that all he wants next is to have sex. On the other hand, if you can't get a word in because your partner's talking all the time, nod politely and yawn occasionally to signal that it's getting late. Decline a second date from this windbag. He may be intelligent and charming, but he's more interested in himself than he is in you.
This Is Only A Test
Remember, first dates are evaluation dates. You are interviewing prospects for the job of being your life partner. It is just the first step in a lengthy screening process to find Mr. Wonderful. Have fun, but spend your date time getting acquainted so you know who's worthy of that second date with you.
About The Author
Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work.
©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
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