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Who is pushing your buttons?

How many times this week only, you had an encounter with someone who either pushed your buttons or you simply didn't like, meaning, the chemistry wasn't there?

It happens often. We hate the guts of this or that person, or we think that there is something wrong with them. Somehow we become absolutely critical and thus create an inaccurate and biased image of someone and nothing that person does is quite all right.

Of my many cases, there is one that I like to talk about. I was taking a course and we met 3 times a year for 5 years. Now, that is time enough to get know people. So, there was this woman, who was pleasant enough and very friendly and smiley, but as soon as she opened her mouth, I would roll my eyes and think: oh, boy, here she comes. Can't she just shut up? For 4 years I did that, until I realized something.

This thing is: "we cannot find in others what we ourselves do not possess." In other words: everything that we claim to find in people is something that we also have, or we wouldn't be able to recognize it, be it positive or negative.

So, do you find a person friendly? So are you. Do you find a person arrogant? So are you. Is this person competent? Funny? Giving? So are you. Is this person authoritarian, stubborn, prejudicial? So are you.

I know that you might be snapping at me at this point, but trust me; this is absolutely true. What we don't like in others in usually a reflection of our own qualities. Based on this, it is imperative that you take action when you meet someone who, one way or another pushes your buttons. Then you ask yourself one or more of the following questions:

1. What does this person have that I, too, have, but somehow I am denying it in myself?

2. What does this person have that I never knew I had it as well until now and I now that I know, I don't like it?

3. In what sense is this person just like me?

4. What characteristics do I have that I don't like and that I see reflected in this person?

5. What am I reflecting or projecting?

Try to find what bothers you and seek in yourself where the same quality is. It will help you tremendously. Coming back to my story; that woman in my course was French-Canadian. She spoke English with an accent, as she is foreigner. So do I. We then became the best of friends.

About the author:
Dr. Maria Moratto holds 5 degrees and is a life coach/educator. She promotes courses and seminars in attracting abundance and loving relationships, goal setting, diversity, time and stress management, career delineation, values clarification, leisure, college life, self-improvement, communication and learning styles, spirituality, health and lifestyle. Visit her website at up for a free e-zine.


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