Trans4mind Home Page
~ Making the Human Heart Visible ~

Looking for a better life?

Our online, interactive video workshops present the most effective methods of holistic personal development, combined with personal support from expert life coaches.

Explore Article Library


Regrets, I've had a few: healing through liberation from regret and denial

Like probably every fellow human being alive today, I've done things in my life that I've later regretted. Certain actions will fail to meet our own or others' standards of behaviour, and when faced with such acts, most of us will opt for one of two reactions:

1) Regretting our actions, and wishing them undone or,
2) Denying that they were wrong, or denying that it was our fault by blaming someone else, or denying that there was any lapse in the first place!

Even if we accept to the world and to ourselves that we were wrong, it is very difficult not to regret or to indulge in a spot of denial; as a species we are very adept at justifying ourselves.

I tend to engage in regret, and in the past, this has brought me to my knees, in tears, praying for things to be undone. But they can't be undone. So should I go into denial 'or blame someone else?

Having read the teachings of Buddha, one of the first things I learnt of was the first Noble Truth, or path to enlightenment: that the nature of life is suffering.

By this Buddha meant that all human beings wish to experience a lasting happiness, but that no one can live a life without experiencing problems and setbacks that reduce our happiness. Happiness based on improving our external situation is therefore doomed to failure, because we will all suffer setbacks at some point. True happiness must be sought from within, not by seeking more wealth, a bigger car, a nose job, or a new partner.

If we can develop and maintain a calm and happy mind, regardless of our material situation, then we can't be disappointed by setbacks, and so we will break the cycle of suffering. And that's where regret and denial come in.

When we regret our past actions, or when we deny responsibility for them, or the outcome of them, we are suffering. When we blame someone else for our woes, like a boomerang the hurt flies back to us. While we're regretting and blaming and denying what's been done, we're trapped in the eternal circle of suffering, or samara, the Buddhist cycle of life and death pervaded by suffering.

I can't take credit for the solution 'but thinking it through, the only real answer to the question 'how do we heal ourselves and move on from regret, blame and denial?' is the answer provided by Buddha 'to think beyond yourself and your own suffering.

I'm no different from you, and you're no different from the person down the street. We all experience suffering in one way or another, and we all share certain suffering 'beggar or king, we're all born, we all grow old or sicken or suffer an accident, and die. We all lose loved ones. We are all trapped in samsara, in suffering.
But there is an answer, and a way to liberate ourselves, and others, from the pain of suffering. Let go of regret. Let go of blame, and denial. Realise that everyone feels pain, and take some time to lessen, by however small a portion, the suffering of another. You may think your action will go unrewarded, or even unnoticed, but if we practise this enough, it will make a difference.
Think about it. You've had an argument with your best friend, and you're hurt and upset. They said some nasty things, and it hurts. You deny that you started it, but you may also regret harsh words spoken in anger. You're both suffering. You can both engage in regret, blame and denial, or you can extend forgiveness, bearing in mind that your friend is also suffering. So you say sorry first, and let go of the anger, the pain, and the regret. Your friend will hopefully recognise your compassion, and may be inspired to commit a similar selfless act to someone else in turn.
By letting go of your pain, you liberate yourself and others from suffering. Maybe not the first time. Maybe your altruism will go unrewarded, but stick with it 'only you can make you happy, and the first step is to accept this awesome responsibility towards yourself.
By striving to live life in a spirit of responsibility towards yourself and others, your compassion will grow, and your regret and denial will become apparent for the waste of time and energy they are.

Just as no one else can be happy for you, no one else can be responsible for taking away your unhappiness, your regret, your suffering, your samsara.


About the author:
As well as enjoying writing holistic articles, Margaret McGoverne is the founder of The Holistic Shop.com website, a new experience in online shopping for gifts and products that promote a holistic approach to health, relaxation and spirituality. You can email Margaret at: margaret@theholisticshop.com



AND EXPLORE...

Addictions
Astrology
Careers & Employment
Communication
Creativity
Dating
Depression
Diabetes
Diets
Divorce
Education
Environment
Ethics
Exercise
Family
Goal-Setting
Grief & Loss
Happiness
Health
Kids & Teens
Leadership
Love
Marriage
Meditation
Nutrition
Organizing
Parenting
Psychology
Public Speaking
Relationships
Schools
Self Help
Self Improvement & Motivation
Sexual Relations
Spirituality
Stress Management
Travel and Leisure
Women
Writing


From our extensive site, you'll find good info on many topics using this search:

Support your personal development with these popular and effective hypnosis downloads...

  • Public Speaking Fear ~ Banish speaking anxiety and nerves with hypnosis.
  • Motivate Yourself to Exercise ~ Build a powerful exercise habit that you can't break.
  • Get Rid of Fear & Anxiety ~ Stop worry and apprehension wrecking your life.
  • Self Esteem ~ Break the negative trance of low self esteem and give yourself a chance in life.
  • Create Your Own Reality ~ Use the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
  • Deeper Self Respect ~ Use hypnosis to connect with your true inner worth.
  • Detach From Fear ~ Tune out nervousness and anxiety with hypnosis.
  • Improving Concentration and Focus ~ Learn how to discipline, direct and command your mind to improve your performance.
  • Exercise Motivation ~ Give you powerful keys to getting back on track with your exercise - and staying there.
  • Overcoming Shyness ~ Provides an invisible security blanket allowing you to develop social ease and overcome shyness.
  • Quick Confidence Booster ~ An audio hypnosis session that's specifically designed to get you (quickly!) back on track.
  • Stop Negative Thoughts ~ Learn powerful hypnotic techniques to stop negative thoughts before they start.
  • Overcoming Procrastination ~ Let hypnosis help you get on with what you need to do, when you need to do it. Let nothing hold you back.
  • Think Thin ~ Use hypnosis to re-train your brain and lose weight naturally... that's how to get and stay slim.
  • Fall Asleep Fast ~ Relearn how to fall asleep fast and enjoy a good night's sleep.
  • The Next Level ~ Designed to radically boost your performance in any field. It's based on a technique used by top athletes and other successful people to help them make a big stride forward.
This is our selection of favorites, but there's a session for every need! Choose from over 800 Hypnosis Downloads...
Search now on an issue that interests or concerns you...
 
Get a free Hypnosis Download at Facebook
Copyright © 1997-2016 Trans4mind Ltd