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Parenthood and Sexuality

1st Internet Question: HOW WOULD YOU CONCEPTUALIZE AN EFFECTIVE SEXUAL EDUCATION PROGRAM? WHO WOULD TEACH IT? AT WHAT AGE WOULD ONE BECOME PART OF THE PROGRAM? AND WHAT SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE PROGRAM?

THE RESPONSES COME FROM 3 CHRISTIAN WEBSITES.

1) Corbin says: I believe the person who heads this program should have a scientific background as well as a spiritual one, and that it should include all age groups at the level of their understanding. It should also include all aspects of sexual activity on a practical basis.

2) Martha says: I think that such a programme should be taught by someone perfectly objective who would expose the learners to all the different views that they were going to encounter, encourage them to think for themselves, and to form their own opinions from the facts and arguments given. It should start at an early age, but its content, of course, should change over the years according to the maturity of those concerned. It ought to include information and balanced views about all the different types of sexual experience known to date. It ought to educate about how all human beings develop sexual appetites which are perfectly natural, whilst at the same time warning of the risks carried by sex, and how to avoid diseases and unwanted pregnancies, and how to deal with the narrow-minded views we see today. It should also warn of the negative forms in which sex comes, eg. rape and pornography, and how society might progress to avoid such things.

3) Mathew says: RN's make fantastic teachers. Teaching is what a good nurse does best. Teach the biology but emphasize the moral component. Discussing scenes from TV or movies and asking what is wrong there, is a powerful tool. I find an important point to emphasize is the idea of exploitation. Is he having sex because he can "score" and brag to the guys? Is she having sex because he is rich and she can get presents? It is less threatening to kids if you start out with examples of adult relationships and gradually work back to their age. They see hypocrisy in adults where they won't see it in themselves. Scare stories will backfire,.so be careful with them.

4) Jane says: My husband spent all his life teaching children with "Learning Difficulties". And for a while he was asked to teach these kids about sex. He found that the best way to do this was by keeping the subject "simple and direct". And I believe this is true no matter at what level of maturity the person is at.

5) Mathew says: God bless your husband, Jane. Teaching especially mentally retarded clients about their own sexuality is vitally important and so seldom done.

6) Vera says: You know what the problem is in my opinion? It isn't that we don't have good sex education programs, it's the fact that sex shouldn't have to be taught by anyone but the parents of the children. So many times, parents teach their kids everything except about sex. They learn it from other places, and they don't understand what it's all about. So, no, I don't think we need a better program. I think we need more parents involved in talking to their children about all aspects of sex, and what to do, or not to do.

7) Ned says: You don't need a more effective sexual education program. You only have to turn the matter over to God. Don't you think He can handle it?

8) Corbin says: I agree with Vera when she said parents should be more involved, but someone also said that it should be parents who listen to the Church's teachings on the subject. The problem here is that so often the Church gives no instruction on this matter, or it gives a very negative tone on this subject.

9) Rudolph says: We were created without clothes. If we returned to this natural state God intended us to be in, the curiosity factor would disappear in time and sex education would become natural as it was intended to be in the beginning. We know pretty much it will be a long century before this type of thinking becomes widespread, still there exist Christian nudist colonies now, and from the best of my knowledge such cultures have a lower rate of unwanted pregnancies, and sexual violence is unheard of.

10) Frank says: Christian nudist colonies! Now that's original.

11) Vera says: Hmmm.. I think the sexual freedom that was experienced in the 60's was enough to show us that it doesn't work that way. It was those who decided to make love to everyone that helped cause our society to be bombarded with diseases. Nah, I think I'll keep my clothes on.

2nd Internet Question: IF NEITHER ABSTINENCE NOR SUBLIMATION RELIEVES ONE OF HIS OR HER SEXUAL TENSIONS, HOW ABOUT MASTURBATION, EITHER INDIVIDUALLY, OR WITH YOUR PARTNER?

1) Jim says: If you are talking on a purely physiological level, masturbation should be a solution. However, if you are asking "Is masturbation an acceptable substitution for promiscuosness i.e. outside of marriage, than the answer is no. It appears that masturbation is just one step removed from being homosexual in the minds of some religious leaders.

2) Corbin says: With this approach you can avoid pregnancies, sexual diseases, situations where birth control might seem too inconvenient or not safe enough, and it seems harmless enough. Besides it can relieve you of an awful lot of sexual tension so you can focus more successfully on more productive issues. I know about this because masturbation has been a very important part of my life at one time. An event stands out for me when I attended the university many years ago. A counselor to whom I was assigned asked me the shocking question as to whether I masturbated because I was very shy at the time. I did, but I felt very quilty about it. But the fact that he asked me made me feel much easier about it. And now I raise this question in case others, even today, might have the same problems I had. I know it kept me from being successful in more productive activities that I should have been engaged in. In fact I put the same question on a more conservative Christian website and they canceled the question indicating that this is a question that shouldn't even be discussed.

3) Mathew says: If the good Lord didn't want us to play with our goodies, why did He make our arms so long? Why do folks get so uptight over a perfectly natural behavior that is a reasonable preparation for or substitute for marital sex? Even monkeys do it at the zoo. Why should they have all the fun.

4) John says: If normal sex were determined by what is most common, then masturbation would win hands down. With most men I still think this would be the most common form of sex for a number of reasons. For the first twenty years of a man's sex life, his need is above his opportunities. Then later comes the problem aspect when he begins to worry about performances and being able. This is a great part of the midlife crisis for a man, although not the whole thing. I consider midlife to be a second adolescence, if shorter, but may be more intense and panicky. Then at some later stage it may be less important. Probably why most men find wisdom, if they do, at old age where their minds are not obsessed by sex.

5) Sarah says: I appreciate what Corbin just said. I think that was very brave of him. And my own response to the question is that I can't see any reason why not. Consider, for example, a couple where one partner is ill or too disabled to enjoy normal sex. Should they just "burn"? I don't see why, when the natural way to release the frustration and tension is there. I never thought 50-odd years ago, that one day I'd be talking to a bunch of strange men about a thing like this. Aint progress wonderful?

6) Mathew says: Of course, many of these men grew up convinced that the lustfull stirrings of youth would send them straight to hell. And to change the subject. Hey guys! Girls do it too! In the 19th century, physicians diagnosed women who got irritable and nervous as having hysteria due to pelvic congestion. The treatment for this was deep pelvic massages by the physician until the lady started making funny little grunty and panting noises and had a "hysterical paroxysm". She'd usually come back in a week or two for another treatment.

7) Robert says: Corbin, I assume you have neither gone blind nor developed hair on your palms, otherwise we would be discussing illogical causation. John is more than right about this activity being normal and most common. As to Corbin being censored, think of it as being a vote of appreciation by the prurient right

8) Mathew says: Maybe it keeps you chaste.

9) James says: What about cyber-sex?

3rd Internet Question: WOULD SOCIAL NUDISM (BOTH SEXES) BE HELPFUL IN ELIMINATING EXCESSIVE SEXUAL FOCUS IN ONE, THAT COULD LEAD TO SEXUAL PERVERSIONS?

1) Corbin says: I believe it would because I know it changed my life most dramatically in a very positive way. Before the nudist camp experience I had, I did have this excessive focus on sexual matters that hurt me quite a bit in that I couldn't concentrate on more productive endeavors. After this experience this focus was diminished considerably and gave me the freedom to accept myself as to who I really was in God's image, which in turn gave me the freedom to accept others as they were. In other words, I started looking at people, especially of the opposite gender, as individuals rather than as objects. Also, at the camp, I noticed that after awhile you never noticed the nakedness of the people, you just saw them as individuals. I further discovered outside the camp that if you were open with others about your nudist interest, discussion with these others often led to a new in-depth level of discussion openness. Therefore, through my experience, I feel we should never become ashamed of another person's nakedness, regardless of the other person's gender, as well as our own nakedness. And one other on these websites had the same experience as I had

2) James says: The Bible offers no support whatsoever for voluntary nudity, and in fact makes it a shameful thing. Once sin entered the picture in the Garden of Edan, Adam was the one who became aware of their nakedness as being an issue, not because the body is shameful, but because sin is shameful, which affects the whole person, inwardly and expressed outwardly. And Adam and Eve tried to cover themselves up with fig leaves. It was God who took the skins and saw to their covering, making it clear that people should be clothed. Publicly naked people naturally remind others and God of the sinful nature of mankind. Nudity is just plain shameful, not expected behavior for Christians, no matter how one is accustomed one has become to the practice.

MOST RESPONDEES AGREED WITH JAMES ON THIS ISSUE, BUT SOME DID AGREE WITH CORBIN

3) Corbin says: The debate really revolves around, not what Scriptures says or doesn't say, but one's interpretation of what Scripture says or doesn't say, and one's experience where I felt no shame in what I particpated in. A movement in the US is now promoting social nudism among teenagers to eliminate the mystery of gender nakedness that drive many to premature sex.

About the author:

Corbin Melvin Wright was born in New York City in 1931, grew up on Long Island, graduated from Roanoke College in Virginia with a BA in Political Science, and from New York Theological Seminary with a Masters in Religious Education. He worked as an accountant in NYC for 21 yrs. and as an English teacher and Christian counselor in Argentina for 23 years. He was married twice, widowed once, & has no children, E-mail address (corbinwr@yahoo.com).


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