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Make Your Sex Sizzle with Foreplay

By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed. '2004

The importance of foreplay is often underestimated and minimized or even ridiculed. The informed experienced lover will know that not only is foreplay one of the most passionate ways to sweep his woman off her feet, but it also increases intimacy, develops trust and care, promotes emotional connection, deepens love and has the ability to enhance his satisfaction as well.

First and foremost, adequate foreplay is essential to a woman's satisfaction and her ability to achieve orgasm. Women need extended stimulation to reach optimal arousal. Adequate foreplay consists of at least 15 minutes, but preferably 20 or more. This is very important for couple's to know. Many women have difficulty reaching orgasm or experience dissatisfaction with their sexual adventures and often the only cause of these difficulties is the lack of adequate foreplay. Foreplay is physiologically necessary for women's pleasure, not an unnecessary request she has created to make things more difficult for the male. You can never spend too much time on foreplay. It can only enhance the sexual encounter and the relationship even more.

Foreplay has many other important purposes to keep in mind. It shows your lover that you care about her and her needs. The way you touch your woman indicates to her how you feel about her and the way you feel about her impacts how she will respond to you sexually and how pleasurable the sex will be for her. It promotes emotional connection and deepens intimacy, which are two more necessary components for sex to be satisfying for the woman.

It is not only the female that benefits from foreplay. On a biological level foreplay induces lubrication for the woman and erection for the man. Taking time to sensuously explore and relish one another's bodies can significantly help with male sexual problems such as premature ejaculation or impotence, creating harder erections, increased stamina and more satisfying sex for the male as well. As men grow older they may not get erect by sight alone as they once did in younger years, extended periods of touching, kissing and caressing can provide the necessary stimulation needed for erection. Foreplay also builds passion and generates fire making for a more electrifying sexual adventure for both male and female.

Foreplay can include much more than basic touching, kissing, holding and caressing. It can also consist of words and behavior that will enhance the excitement and passion. In addition to kissing, touching and holding you might try giving her a loving compliment, expressing affectionate feelings or giving her a gift such as flowers or lingerie. Foreplay does not always have to begin immediately preceding the sexual act.

For a very special treat and to really light her fire foreplay that begins in the morning and lasts all day will work even better by producing a loving seduction. The scenario might go something like this: you prepare your lover breakfast or bring her tea and present it to her with a big kiss, before you leave for the day place a sweet love note in a special place for her to find, when you leave for the day hold and kiss her with a deep passionate kiss, then call her later in the day from work and asks how her day is and tell her you love her, or in the call tell her how much you want her and you can't wait to taste her, later that day send her flowers or when you come home from work bring her a beautiful gift, when you come in the door once again she is greeted with hugs and kisses, before dinner you give her a bath and caresses her feet or you take a shower together, after dinner you clean up the kitchen and tell her to go rest, then you join her in the living room and give her a full body massage and spend at least 15 minutes holding, kissing and licking. By this time her body will be aching with desire.

This little dance will reap many rewards for you. No, it's not realistic that you would do all of these activities each time you want to make love, but once in awhile would make her feel real special and make her appreciate you so much. You will dazzle your woman and have her melting in your arms. The loving act would be remembered and generate a reciprocal effect in which she will want to please you and the relationship will grow stronger and deeper.

Sensuous undressing is another powerful form of foreplay that can stimulate and intensify sexual desire. Undress her very slowly with lots of soft gentle kisses on the exposed body parts. Focus on one piece of clothing at time. Look in her eyes while unbuttoning or unzipping. Let her take your shirt off. Let her feel your chest against hers. Hold and caress before moving to more action.

Another trick to prolong satisfaction and build even more desire is that once you have participated in some extended stimulating foreplay and both of you can hardly stand it anymore, then take the foreplay just a little bit further and escalate your hungers to new heights.

As always, communication is the ever-important factor in great sex. If your lover is not meeting your foreplay needs, then you need to speak up and let them know. Tell them what you need or what you would like to try. If speaking the words out loud is too difficult then literally show and guide him. Men, ask your woman what she needs. You can assume that some basics all women will love, but they will also have individual needs. You don't want to do something she doesn't enjoy.

The enlightened lovers participation in foreplay is not begrudging or the means to an end, they fully enjoy savoring their woman with long sensuous play and delight in bestowing her with pleasure as much as she enjoys receiving. Sex is more satisfying for both partners. They are astutely aware that all the benefits of foreplay put together are important components that will help keep excitement alive and prevent love from eroding or diminishing, thus creating a stronger more fulfilling relationship in every way.

About the Author
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex advisor/educator and author helping monogamous couples increase intimacy, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, Smoldering Embers-Hot Erotic Stories and Sex Tips to Light a Couple's Fire.

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