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Five Tips to Reignite Lost Sexual Desire

By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.

Temporary loss of desire may occur from time to time in all relationships. Major life changes, illness, periods of excess fatigue or stress can all put a damper on one's fire for a period of time, and sometimes the brief break can cause you to crave one another again and this will be beneficial for the relationship, but if the loss of desire persists indefinitely and creates distress for one or both partners then there is a problem. Fluctuations in desire are normal and expected, but complete loss of desire results in unhappy relationships. If this isn't addressed, it can destroy the relationship.

If you've lost your loving feeling try some of these suggestions to get your motor running again.

1.Create the Mood
Don't just sit and wait for your desire to appear or the mood to strike you. You need to create the mood and stimulate desire. There must be a willingness to work on creating the mood.

2. Make Sex a Priority
With our hectic fast paced society, relationships tend to get pushed to the side and sex sometimes becomes something that you fit in whenever you can. You need to make time for lovemaking. When sex is pushed aside desire and passion dwindle. The more you engage in sex the more your desire will grow.

3. Get Your Needs Met
Unmet needs will lead to feelings of resentment and anger and cause a loss of desire for your partner. When needs are not met, sex will not be satisfying and you may unconsciously decide you don't really like sex anymore. Is he meeting your need for foreplay or is he moving straight to the genital action? Sometimes women have a lack of desire if their lover is not stimulating them enough or in the manner that's needed. Make sure you share with your lover what it is you need to be aroused.

4. Resolve Conflict
Resentments, hurt feelings, anger, fear etc. can create a lack of desire. Sometimes women bury unresolved feelings. Perhaps your partner did something months ago that really hurt you and you haven't been able to let go. Or perhaps you've let many things build up for a long period of time. Be honest and open with your partner. If you have unresolved feelings then talk to him about it. What happens outside the bedroom will impact greatly what happens or doesn't happen in the bedroom.

5. Rule out Possible Physiological Causes
Loss of sexual desire can be something physiological such as: an illness, hormonal imbalances (androgen, testosterone, progesterone, DHEA) or Thyroid abnormalities. If after some self-reflection and inner exploration you can't put your finger on why your desire has dwindled, then see a physician who specializes in loss of sexual desire.

You don't always have to be in the mood to meet your partner's needs. To prevent your lover from feeling rejected or deprived, help him achieve orgasm in other ways. Have other forms of sex such as masturbating him or giving him oral.

Sex does not always have to result in intercourse. Focus on the intimacy and enjoying the physical sensations of closeness, love, sensuality and touch.

Women frequently have specific reasons for not desiring sex that they are unaware of. Loss of desire can occur for many reasons. It can be psychological/emotional, hormonal, social/cultural or physiological. Or it a may be a combination of several of these factors. It's very important to sort them out and address each issue.

Don't let your wild woman become lost.

About the Author
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex advisor/educator and author helping monogamous couples increase intimacy, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, Smoldering Embers-Hot Erotic Stories and Sex Tips to Light a Couple's Fire.

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